Re: Chastity

[Sheila Spatz]

Dear Louise,

It has been my experiance that when I know better, I do better.  I stand before God ready to learn a better way but I can not adhere to a code of conduct that just leaves me miserable. 

Marriage was a solution for me.  My husband and I enjoyed many years of a very good marriage before the disease of addiction destroyed it.

I have every intention of adhering to the adultery laws if God will grant me the strength to do so.  After that, well...  That's a ways down the road.  Who knows, mabey God will teach me a better way.  Or maybe He will provide me with more opportunities for growth. 

I agree that violation of the chastity laws hurts not only me, but any and all other parties concerned.  Sometimes it's a question of what is going to hurt more.  I do the best I can with the tools, skills and qualities I have.  I am no longer such a fool as to think I can just force myself to 'do the right thing'.  It doesn't work, and I end up hurting myself.  For me, I need to surrender to God's process and allow myself to be fully human, frailties and all.  Trusting Him and His process to guide me toward becoming the person He would have me be.

Sheila

louise mchenry <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

Dear Sheila,

I always value personal experience, when people are
willing and able to make themselves vulnerable and
relate of their own experiences. Thank you for doing
so, giving me therefore a glimpse into your
experience.

It has helped me a lot to read over and over again
what is written about marriage in the Bahai writings,
to help keep my urges under control. Also some shame
with regards to the times when I was not able to.
These experiences have helped me to realise that no
matter how attractive sex may be or a man may be, or
the possibility of finding true love may be, violating
the chastity rule is not worth it, because in the end
I invariably feel bad about myself.

much love,

janine

--- Sheila Spatz <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>wrote:

> OK,
> This little "lookie-lu" is going to chirp! in on this
> one because this is a subject rather near and dear
> to my heart.
> As a woman who was raised as a Biah'i during the
> roaring sixties and the sexy seventies, I have
> struggled with compliance to this recommendation
> with varying levels of success.
> Here is what I have learned through brutal
> experiance. I share this not to shock but to
> hopefully spare others the same pain. If there are
> any young people reading this I hope you will try to
> understand and set aside the perfectly normal
> youthful tendancy to beleive that it can't or won't
> happen to you.
> As I came into young adulthood during the seventies
> (pre-AIDS and post-sexual revolution)- baby it was
> ON. Even in the Baha'i community, I could not find
> a young man who was serious about complying with
> this law. I'm not saying they weren't out there,
> but lets face it - there aren't a! lot of us and we're
> pretty scattered. I came to the conclusion that
> although this was a laudable goal, it clearly was
> not realistic under the current social conditions.
> The only way I was going to find a marriage partner
> was to get with the program. I was very angry about
> this and refused multiple offers of marriage
> because I felt they didn't realy want me for a
> partner, they were just looking for a secure
> "regular". Some of the young men I got involved
> with were from cultures where if an unmarried woman
> was not a virgin, she was anybodies meat. This
> really pissed me off. Some of these young men were
> so aggressive that they would have faced criminal
> charges if I had not decided that it !
> was more
> important to protect the reputation of the Faith
> than to hold them accountable. (The Baha'i
> community was NOT consulted - it wasn't any of their> bussiness)
> The pain grew, I became increasingly angry. The
> anger turned inward, I was eaten up with shame and
> fury. I rebelled against this Baha-u-llah who would
> place me in this messed up position without an
> option that I could accept. This led to me going
> inactive, diving into the culture around me, I
> quickly got into the party scene. I found releif
> for my pain in drugs and alchohol. I knew that this
> was also recommended against but frankly, at this
> point, I could not stand this world as I was
> experiencing it. I had to find releif or kill
> myself (I'm not exagerrating here - I thought about
> suicide ALOT.). I looked at the options - and made
> a decision. Suicide was rather permenant- and
> besides the idea of facing God given the spiritual
> condition I was in scared me half to death.
> As it came to pass, alchoholism and drug addiction
> so! on had me by the throat. I couldn't get far
> enough away from this rotten world and the people in
> it. I hated being the person I had become and my
> life was a disaster.
> Fast forward...
> I got into a 12 step program in the late 80s. By
> the grace of God I have come a long way since then.
> I'm currently in the process of a divorce because
> although I had no difficulty being monogamous
> (Thank-You God) my husband developed sex addiction
> with such severity that he became unemployable and
> completely dependant as the result of the severe
> depression experianced as a result of his addicition
> and it's consequences. He ended up spending over a
> month in a double lock down psychiatric unit on
> suicide watch.
> We had no children, fertility counselling indicated
> we had both been damaged by chlamidia (no symptoms)
> this disease is responsible for a significant
&g! t; percentage of fertility problems.
> I also had to have surgery on my cervex as the the
> result of HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) which is
> responsible over 90% of cervical cancer. This
> lovely little 'sleeper' not only has no symptoms, it
> can't even be treated for - it's a retro-virus. It
> sleeps until it decides to wake up. This is why
> women have PAP smears. A man has relations when
> he's a hot 18 with some little wild thing (whoops)
> and ends up giving his future wife a disease which
> could kill her and will probably mark and end to her
> child bearing.
> I am having great difficulty complying with the
> 'year of patience'. I'm not real disiplined in this
> area. But hey - I'm OK so far. Lots and lots of
> prayer!!! I have only managed by being down right
> paranoid about the situations I allow my self to be
> in. I won't allow myself to be alone in the same
&g! t; room with someone who happens to be male. I don't
> care if they're married, eighty years old, in a
> wheel chair, or even gay. It's a blanket rule.
> I still struggle with the idea that I won't have an
> option, so far as finding another suitable partner
> without violating the chastity laws. We shall see
> what we shall see.
> May God have mercy on us all,
> Sheila
>
>
> "Mark A. Foster" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>wrote:
> Hi, David,
>
> Looking at the passage, the Guardian, through his
> secretary, didn't say anything about chastity
> *before* marriage as "the only way to a happy and
> successful marital life." He said that chastity was
> "only way to a happy and successful marital life."
>
> Chastity, or sexual purity, is not only, from a
> Baha'i perspective, an admirable characteristic
> before marriage, but it is recommended throughout
> mar! ried life. In other words, if married people are
> chaste, their marriages will presumably be "happy
> and successful." Note also that Shoghi Effendi
> referred not to premarital, but to extramarital,
> sex.
>
> "Briefly stated the Baha'i conception of sex is
> based on the belief that chastity should be strictly
> practiced by both sexes, not only because it is in
> itself highly commendable ethically, but also due to
> its being the only way to a happy and successful
> marital life. Sex relationships of any form, outside
> marriage, are not permissible therefore, and whoso
> violates this rule will not only be responsible to
> God, but will incur the necessary punishment from
> society."
>
> With regards, Mark A. Foster * 15 Sites:
> http://markfoster.net
> "Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger" -- Abbie
> Hoffman
>
>
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