Dear Neighbors, I was recently asked, "How do I speak to my grandchildren about war?" For a moment, I had to pause; children and war do not belong in the same sentence. Sadly, children are all too often among the casualties - of life, of home/place, of emotional stability - when there is war. But for those who are far away, how do we help them understand? My answer to this is layered.
For small children, thinking about war is not in their wheelhouse. There is no reason to bring their attention to it, to discuss it in front of them, to have them see the news. Our responsibility as parents and caring adults is to shield them from this. What they do need is to learn the values of kindness, caring, sharing, being a good friend. But we know, kids pick-up on things, especially their parents' emotions - and I love this book... it not only names what they might be feeling, but also gives them some action to take... The Breaking News, by Sarah Lynne Reul https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-U3lF5Ei_E (this Youtube video is the author reading the story) With values lessons shared with very young children, there is a foundation to explain war to slightly older children. War is not kind nor caring. War is about grabbing, not sharing. War is not about friendship. The values we raise-up as most important can be compared to the lack of values warring represents. We can talk about the Nobel Peace Prize and the Peace Corps in addition to talking slightly about what a child may have heard about what's happening in the world. Children in later middle school ages and above can have a frank discussion about why the war is taking place. What is being fought over? Why now? Who are the key players? This is a time to mention your concern about loss of life, the emotional damage to survivors, the refugees wars produce. Share your feelings as well as the facts. Naming feelings of concern, frustration, anger - all the emotions - helps children identify the things they are feeling... it gives it a name. Knowing how you feel and letting others know how you feel is a life skill. For young children, they should be shielded from the TV. For older children, if you decide to watch news broadcasts (IF!), it should be limited and watched with you (for later discussion). At all times and will all children, parents and caring adults should reassure them they are safe. That you are there to do everything in your power to keep them safe. If children fixate on or become truly anxious about what's going on, call your pediatrician. They are (or should be) wonderful resources for helping you parent on all levels. They can help you determine if your child's reaction is on an anticipated spectrum or if there is concern. If you have any questions or would like to talk about your concerns, you can hit the "Ask Margit" button on First Parish in Lincoln's website for Children, Youth, and Families... https://www.fplincoln.org/children-youth-and-families/ Yours in Care and Compassion, Margit
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