-Caveat Lector- an excerpt from: Ritual Abuse Margaret Smith©1993 HarperCollins Publishers 10 East 53rd Street New York, NY 10022 ISBN 0-06-250214-X 213pps — out-of-print --[4]-- Chapter 4 Physical, Sexual, and Emotional Abuse of Children:- Brainwashing and Programming Dream: April 11, 1985 I was at the kitchen table eating dinner with my family. Everyone was talking and laughing, and I kept trying to say something. Their conversation became louder drowning out my voice. Nobody looked at me. Nobody acknowledged that I had said something. I felt like I was in a glass cage. I could see out, but no one could see in. The feelings of isolation were unbearable. I walked over to my mother and started pulling on her sleeve. "Mom, Mom, listen to me!" I pleaded. She continued to laugh with the others, without so much as her head turning toward me. I looked up at my entire family. "Listen to me!" I screamed, "Why won't you listen to me?" Still, they didn't look at me. I I felt like I was invisible. Anger burned inside of me. The frustration made every cell in my body turn to fire. I hated them, but there was nothing I could do to make them acknowledge my existence. I reached for a hammer and smashed my arm. "Look at this!" I said. "Do you see this?" Still no one noticed. I became crazed with my fury to hurt myself I was mocking just how little they cared. "Look at this!" I said, and I started rubbing my body on the carpet as hard as I could to give it rug bum. I felt nothing. My body didn't exist. All I wanted to do was hurt my family, and my body was the tool I could use to show just what they had done to me. I wanted to make people see the pain. I wanted to mock the games of silence I never had control over Still nobody noticed. There was a knock at the door I got up and answered it. It was my best friend, Kristin. She looked at me with horror "Oh, my God," she said. "What have you done?" For the first time, I looked down at my body and noticed the torn and mangled flesh. I felt confused and numb. I had never noticed the physical damage. "We've got to call the ambulance," she said. I was quiet. I didn't know what to do anymore. The ambulance came, and they hooked me up to an I.V. and a life-support system. The medic looked down at me and said, "You know you may die." I looked over my body and saw the bruised limbs and the tired bones. I felt overwhelmed with grief My body had paid the price for all the pain I could never express in words. I realized that the most important relationship in my life is the relationship I have with myself. Who was my family, anyway? Who were any of those people who ignored me? My body was going to die. I was going to die. What had I done to deserve any of this? I had punished me because I could never punish anyone else. I always vented my frustration on me because no one else could acknowledge the all-penetrating injustices perpetrated against me. In that final instance, I saw it. I saw that no matter what happens, that no matter what anyone ever says or does to me, it will never be worth losing me. And I felt it. I truly felt it. Me—without anyone's opinions or ideas of what I was. just me. I looked at my body, and I truly remembered. I knew I had to keep living. I had found my reason to survive. Although many different groups engage in ritual abuse, the abuse has many common characteristics. Sexual abuse, animal and human sacrifice, and physical torture are common themes. Many groups also profit financially from child pornography and child prostitution. Most victims of ritual abuse report being drugged during the abuse. Due to the effects of the drugs, many of the ritual abuse memories may have a distant, foggy quality, as survivors remember the abuse in therapy. Tables 4.1 and 4.2 list the types of abuse perpetrated against ritual abuse survivors in our study Table 4.1 The Forms of Abuse Perpetrated Against Ritual Abuse Survivors Molestation or intercourse 100% Forced participation in group sex with adults 96% Torture of you 94% Witnessing or forced participation in animal sacrifice 90% Witnessing or forced participation in human sacrifice 88% Sodomy 88% Drugged during the abuse 88% Witnessing or forced participation in cannibalism 82% Forced to torture others 75% Child prostitution 52% Child pornography 52% Forced to breed children who were later sacrificed 36% Table 4.2 Other Forms of Abuse Mentioned by Ritual Abuse Survivors Mental programming 21% Bestiality 17% Use of electric shock for torture 13% Witnessing/ forced participation in dismemberment/mutilation of bodies 12% Being hung upside down 10% Forced to kidnap children from playgrounds 8% Hypnotism 8% Pets killed 4% Psychic surgery 4% Being rented out to other cults 4% Violent cult rituals often involve the sacrificial killing of animals or humans. One survivor recalls in detail the killings she witnessed during the rituals. In all, I believe I witnessed the murders of six people as part of the rituals. They were: a baby who was dismembered and killed with an ax, a baby who was stabbed to death by my mother, a baby who was stabbed by a man, a young pregnant woman who was stabbed in the stomach (to kill the fetus also), a mentally retarded or schizophrenic man who was given a lethal injection, and a man who was stabbed to death. There may have been others, but these are the only ones I have distinct memories of... When people or animals were stabbed to death, their blood was caught in a gold bowl, and then everyone drank some of it. Parts of the bodies, such as hearts and organs, were also eaten. Consumption of blood and flesh, performed in a communionlike fashion, is usually an integral part of ritual sacrifice. Rituals sometimes involve the killing of children and adults, and the acts are not necessarily carried out in the name of Satan. One survivor describes a ritual similar to the one noted above, where the purpose of the ritual was to seek purification from God: In 1952 or 1953, at the age of eight or nine, I witnessed the ritual sexual abuse and murder of children in a Christian "healing church" within an hour's drive or so of my home in Maryland. The church was an ornate mausoleum, with stained glass windows high on the walls and with crypts for the storage of embalmed bodies. Wooden pews faced a long, stage-like altar. The pulpit stood to the worshipers' right ... According to the preacher, the Day of Judgment was near at hand (as evidenced by the practice of air raids, bomb shelters, and city evacuation plans of the Cold War), so the salvation of souls was urgent. He said the old people before him had already grown wise in the work of the Lord-, their survival as exemplars of the faith was essential. In order that those men might continue the work of the Lord, he said sanctified children "had offered their own vitality in Christian sacrifice." These little girls, lined up on the altar, were "saints" voluntarily surrendering their lives that their elders might live to spread the Gospel among those yet unsaved before the Day of Judgment. The men had only to "embrace" the pure children (that is, copulate with them) to receive a share of their vitality. During the "communion" rituals at the church, the girls, four to ten years old, thus discharged their "lifeforce" to the men over a period of several weeks until they were completely emptied (that is, dead). Violent cults use a variety of justifications for these human and animal sacrifices. Some groups state that human sacrifice is no different than the animal sacrifices of the past. They note that the God of the Old Testament demanded animal sacrifices in his name. In their belief system, human beings are nothing more than complex animals, and they have no more right to life than any other creature on the earth. If the God of the Old Testament demanded animal sacrifice, they say, why is the sacrifice of a larger animal, a human, more of a sin than the sacrifice of a smaller animal, such as a lamb? Some groups state that the ritual context is the only justified place for killings. In life, in order for anything to survive, something must die. Be it an animal or a plant, something must be killed. This is the law of nature, the food chain, the act of eating. Some groups may claim that the sacrifice of animals or humans in rituals brings them closer to understanding the natural order of life, which naturally encompasses death. They view the sacrifices as a way to directly confront this natural cycle of life and death in a systematic, structured fashion. By killing in a ritual, as opposed to random killing for food or during war, the group claims to connect the act to something higher than themselves. To a group based on this philosophy, the human or animal sacrifice is just that, a sacrifice. One creature dies to regenerate the life of all the rest. In such a belief system, the death of the sacrifice results in greater wisdom for all people who witness the death of the victim. No matter what philosophical justification is used for the "sacrifice," children always see the act as a cold-hearted murder. Children who watch people or animals killed are terrified as they watch the creature die. It is one thing to eat a salad; it is another thing to watch creatures suffer, knowing that you could ease their pain. If the adults in the groups connect to the feelings of the helpless, desperate child, they realize that no justification stops the intense pain, loneliness, and fear. CHILD ABUSE Adults who sexually, physically, or emotionally violate children attempt to rationalize their behavior in order to stop their own guilt. Some adults claim that physical child abuse is "discipline." The adults believe they have a right to physically assault children if the assault is justified by some principle, such as, "You asked for the beating by talking back." In the case of ritual abuse, secrecy maintains the smooth operation of the group. If the child tells someone about the ritual abuse, the child is disciplined, that is, punished with torture. For example, the abuser might insert needles into the child's genitals, all the while telling her she is evil. Other torture might include stretching, electrical shock, prolonged confinement with body parts or insects, or being hung upside down, while verbally instilling the same lesson. Some adults in cults justify their violent behavior by telling themselves they are preparing their victims for the difficult struggles of life. No matter what justification is used for the ritual abuse, the violence is always about the exploitation of helpless victims. When adults steal children's rights of physical and emotional safety, the violating acts are about the abusers' own pain. They are capable of hurting children without remorse because of their own emotional isolation from other human beings. Some cults abuse children in order to make the children stronger" than other people, to create a "superior" breed of people who can withstand any degree of pain. Sometimes the abused children are nothing more than objects used for magical purposes during rituals. Many magical teachings are based on the belief that people reach higher levels of spiritual awareness through pain and suffering. Sometimes magicians inflict the pain on themselves, and sometimes on innocent victims. Children in these situations become nothing more than another article-like a robe, altar, or candle-used during the ritual. They are treated as inanimate objects. Children are also used by their abusers to satisfy the abusers' sadistic fantasies. The sexual, physical, and emotional assaults on the children in all ritual abuse contexts appear to have specific, unspoken functions. Violent cults want to control their victims. Most often, the goal of the ritual abuse is indoctrination. Children abused in these cults learn that their bodies are not their own and that anyone can touch them or do whatever they like. Children learn they are neither physically, sexually, nor emotionally safe. They must obey those around them or risk being attacked. The abuse is intended to make the children feel helpless and ashamed. The more helpless and hopeless the children feel, the easier they are to control. A great deal of the ritual abuse is also designed to make the children feel responsible for things they had no choice about. The cults deliberately set up scenes where a child is forced to commit or witness a violent act, only for the group to turn on the child. Cult members tell her that what happened was her fault, because she is "evil" or "bad." The child learns that she cannot control what goes on around her. She learns that no matter what, she will always be the one at fault. On a deep, feeling, child level, ritual abuse survivors are taught they are responsible for every bad thing that happens around them, and that no matter what, they can't change any of it. A survivor describes an example of this brain-washing during a lynching: At one point, [my father] kicked me and knocked me down. He said to me, "That nigger fucked you, and that's why we had to cut his balls off and string him up. He fucked you because you asked for it, showing off your little tits and all that, you little whore. You helped us cut him up and string him up. So, for the rest of your life, all the niggers of the world will be coming after you to kill you, and you will have to let them do anything they want." None of what he said was actually true. I don't believe I was ever abused by a black man, and I certainly did not participate in the torture and lynching of this man. Many cults pervert or misuse Christian teachings in an attempt to make the child feel guilty and ashamed. A survivor gives this example: On specific holidays throughout the year, the cult would engage in rituals which mock or oppose Christianity. At Christmas, rather than baby Jesus being born, he was tortured, sexually abused, and murdered by "Mother Mary," Joseph, and the Three Wise Men. Also they told me after that ritual: "Jesus died for your sins. You are bad. You should have died. It is blasphemy what you did. You are bad. He died because of your sins. You should be punished." Most survivors noted that eventually they were forced to participate in the violence. One survivor stated: On at least one occasion, I was forced to participate in a murder ... I knew they were going to kill him, and some adult (I don't know who) came up to me and put my hand around the sharp knife's handle and this person closed his or her hand around mine, and together we cut off the mans penis. Then he was stabbed to death by the adult. They told me I had taken his "manhood" and that because of that, I would have to take on the role of a male, and that I could never enjoy being a girl or a woman. Cults are able to cut children off from their own sense of what feels right and what feels wrong by forcing them to participate in violent acts. Many survivors recall being forced to hurt and kill the things they love. Some survivors recall being forced to kill their pets. For a child living in such an isolated environment, being forced to kill a pet may be like killing her only friend in the world. By making the child betray the things she loves, the cult is able to force her to rely solely on the group for any emotional nurturing. PROGRAMMING Many groups deliberately program ideas and beliefs into their victims during overwhelmingly painful torture sessions. For example, while needles are inserted in her vagina, a girl might be told she is filled with poison that infects anyone she loves. Survivors are usually programmed with specific information about how to behave outside the cults. While being tortured, they are told to never talk about the abuse. They are told how to act and who to have as friends. Torture used during programming usually takes the form of electrical shock, stretching, or poking with needles-methods that do not leave marks. One survivor remembers: There was a doctor present at each one of the rituals who seemed to have a special high-ranking position. The doctor advised the people who were torturing the children on just what to do, and what not to do, to leave any marks. And after the ceremony was over, he treated some of the injuries and explained to the parents what they could say to explain away the injuries, in case school officials or anyone else asked in the case of children abused by their parents, if the torture ever caused enough physical damage for someone to suspect abuse, parents might have kept the child at home "with the flu." Hypnosis is also used to enhance the effects of programming. Hypnosis and torture are used to gain control of every aspect of Victims' lives. As ritually abused children grow up, hypnosis and torture are used to program where to go to school, what to do as a job, and even who to marry. Programming also involves teaching children that they are somehow superior to others. This common brainwashing tactic alienates the children from any sense of belonging with other "ordinary" human beings. This sense of "specialness" is the only positive feeling children raised in cults are allowed to feel. The children learn to identify this feeling with belonging to the cult. The cults use this ploy of "specialness" to keep the children bonded to the group. One survivor recalls: The leader soon learned he could make us do or believe anything he wanted. On one end of the spectrum, he told us we were Kali, goddess of destruction, and we would do unspeakable acts for him. On the other end, he would use drugs, hypnosis, and torture to make us not reveal anything about the cult. Triggers Victims are programmed under torture to respond to specific triggers, such as certain colors or words. Using the trigger stimulus, the cults are able to contact the personalities who were born during the torture. After being triggered, survivors forget what they did while they were in their other personality. The groups use trigger words or symbols to bring survivors to meetings or rituals against their will. For example, a survivor who wants to break free of the cult might do everything in her power to get away from her abusers, only to receive a phone call from them in the middle of the night. When she answers the phone, she hears bells and a voice that whispers, "Come" The word "come" is a trigger word she learned during tor-ture. The message she learned about the trigger was that when she hears the word "come," she needs to go to a ritual or else they will find her and torture her again. When the survivor hears the trigger, she immediately switches personalities and complies with the wishes of her abusers. The next morning the survivor wakes up completely unaware that she received the phone call or went to a ritual. To summarize, programming is about control. It is about brainwashing the child into becoming a member of the group. Most of the programming is designed to protect the group's secrecy. The silence of all members is an essential priority of all cults that ritually abuse children. Because it is done so consistently during such traumatic situations, programming seems to have mechanical effects on survivors. Without even realizing it, survivors respond to triggers and programming they learned during their childhood. Programming has an even greater effect on survivors when brainwashing is intertwined with the survivors' true feelings. Separating their true feelings and fears from programming helps survivors break the hold the brainwashing has on them. The following are examples of typical cult programming and how it taps into the real feelings of survivors. Suicide Many abusers program survivors under torture to commit suicide if they ever remember or tell of the ritual abuse. This is the easiest way for cults to get rid of members who do not comply with the rules of silence. A suicide makes the survivor look like the problem and discredits the claims of abuse. Feeling suicidal is a very common experience for ritual abuse survivors. Survivors of ritual abuse experience excruciatingly high levels of pain. Survivors raised in cults, if they choose to leave, often have to cut ties with old friends and family members. They constantly have to keep their eyes open for people who may attempt to pull them back into a cult. The lives of ritual abuse survivors trying to break free are filled with fear and dread at the possibility of having to face the abusers. They are plagued with loneliness and the feeling that they dont belong anywhere. Survivors who are still being ritually abused today are faced with the greatest feelings of hopelessness. They feel utterly helpless, like animals trapped in locked cages. These survivors see no escape from their lives of suffering. To these people, suicide appears to be the easiest and quickest solution. Suicidal feelings also surface through the memory process. As survivors begin to remember the abuse, they experience the same feelings as when the abuse was happening. This is a natural part of the memory process; however, without an understanding of the pain, the survivor may believe the suffering will last forever. The physical and emotional pain is so intense that the survivor may want to die. It seems she can numb the pain by killing herself or hurting her body. Suicidal feelings are very common among people abused in cults. They let the survivor know in the deepest manner possible, "I wanted more than this." It is important for all survivors to remember that it is a mistake to act on these suicidal feelings. There is hope for change today. Self-Mutilation Some violent cults teach survivors to internalize their "punishment" for going against the teachings of the group. As punishment, survivors are programmed to cut themselves or to hurt themselves if they ever tell people about cult activities. Again, survivors are usually taught this lesson during torture sessions. They are told trigger words to make them hurt themselves at the command of their abusers and told to self-mutilate if they ever go against the group. Survivors who tell about the abuse are faced with the justified fear of not being believed. Many survivors have been victimized when they told of the ritual abuse. Survivors have been told they were possessed, blamed for the abuse, and not believed. The injustices perpetrated against survivors by the cult and by society are so great that some survivors feel they have only one way to express their anger and frustration. The only person's behavior they can control is their own, so they turn their frustration and anger inward and they cut their own bodies. They turn on themselves because other people do not hear their pain or accept the truth of what they say. For many survivors, telling about the abuse also leads to validation of the memories, which causes more pain. When survivors accept that their memories are true, they must grieve for everything they have lost. Often they become plagued with self-destructive impulses because they are so furious and hurt by the past they cannot change. Acting on self-mutilating impulses causes survivors more pain in the long run. When survivors are able to find a safe environment, they are able to ride out the pain of the memories with support. They are then free to scream about the injustices committed against them. They grieve their losses. In the end, they live in their own personal truth. They regain their lives. Kill the Person You Tell Some violent cults also protect their secrets by programming survivors to kill the people they tell about the abuse. Once again, people label the survivors as insane and invalidate the memories of ritual abuse. This programming is usually taught during torture sessions. Or the child might be put into a situation where she is allowed to get close to a cult member. When she tells the cult member about abuse perpetrated against her, the member turns on her and aligns with the abusers. She feels like killing this individual, and the abusers may use this rage from the trauma to control the child. They may tell her that all people that she tells about the abuse will eventually betray her, and she is best off to kill them soon after she discloses. This programming to kill taps into the survivor's valid desire to protect herself. If someone breaks into her house and attacks her, then she has the right to use whatever violence necessary to stop the attack. All people have this right to self-defense. But survivors of ritual abuse were never allowed to defend themselves in the cult context. These natural feelings for self-protection have been twisted by the cults into a blind rage that the cults control. The survivors never received any genuine relief for their rage because their feelings could never be expressed to the people who violated and controlled their every move. Cults use this blind rage to force survivors to commit acts of violence. Kill Someone You Love Survivors are also programmed to kill the people they love. By teaching survivors to betray their own most intimate relationships, the cult is able to destroy the survivors' connections to other people. Children abused in violent cults often bond with one another, and the cults use these relationships time and time again to hurt the survivors. They force close friends to betray and humiliate each other. Eventually, the children are so confused about love and their feelings that killing people they are fond of seems easier than having to betray them or be betrayed by them at the next ritual. This programming taps into survivors' own uncomfortable feelings about being vulnerable: When they were vulnerable in the past, they were betrayed. These violent cults teach children that they are unlovable. They tell them that no one will ever care about them. This type of emotional cruelty makes the children ache so badly for love that when they finally feel love inside and reach out to someone, they are paralyzed with fear that the love might not be returned. Their entire sense of worth—in proving that the cults are wrong—lies in the hands of the beloved. This degree of vulnerability is uncomfortable, if not unbearable. By killing the loved one, survivors destroy their chance to feel the pleasure of being loved, but they are able to cease the discomfort of not knowing if the love is returned. It sometimes seems easier to stay numb than to open up and possibly have your feelings rejected. Love/Hate Relationships Between Cult Members Children raised together in violent cults develop powerful bonds, similar to the bonds that develop between war veterans. Cults use these close relationships to keep survivors bonded to the group. Cults also use these relationships to teach survivors that they will never be able to trust or love anyone without feeling hurt and betrayed. Cults deliberately set up scenes where friends betray each other, For example, a cult might force children who are close friends to beat and torture each other, and then convince the injured child that his friend wanted to do these cruel things. When the children grow up, they learn to enjoy betraying the people they love, much in the same way that they learn to hurt themselves to survive the pain. Initially, neither child had control of the violent scenes. They were both trapped in a situation that neither of them could change. They learned to do as they were told, even if it meant betraying their strongest feelings to treat their loved one with kindness. As the children grow older, they feel intense love and intense hatred for the people they are bonded to in the cult. For many survivors, not only is the beloved the person who made them feel loved and special, but the beloved is also the one who tore their heart to shreds when he complied with the wishes of the cult to betray them. These betrayed survivors carry the hidden shame and remorse for all the times they were forced to betray the loved one as well. The survivors end up feeling as if their love is tainted and dangerous. But love is not what caused the betrayal. The reality is that the children were trapped. Love gave the children their few fleeting glimpses of security and pleasure. It was the cult that betrayed the children. It was the cult that taught them love is about pain. If You Ever Tell, We Will Kill You Many violent cults threaten survivors and harass them in an attempt to bring them back under the influence of the group. Cults promise to kill any survivor who tells of the ritual abuse. Through experience, survivors know that these cults are capable of killing. Despite these threats, cults usually do not seem to act on their warnings. The first priority in violent cults is to maintain intense secrecy. Cults are more interested in keeping their existence secret than in killing a member who may be attempting to leave the group. From their perspective, their energy is probably better spent pursuing survivors who are trying to get out to manipulate them to return, rather than acting on their threats to kill survivors. People who attempt to leave the cult often face such overwhelming denial and revictimization that they eventually give up the struggle to find a better life. The fact that most people do not believe ritual abuse exists adds to the power cults have over their victims. As a result, many survivors never find the help they need to break free. It is very difficult for survivors to get out, and the groups are able to move in and pull survivors back in at their weakest moments. We Will Kill the People You Love Many violent cults threaten to kill the people survivors love, but usually do not act on this threat. Again, acting on it might be a mistake. If the loved one of a survivor is a noncult member, killing the nonmember would validate the survivor's memories of the ritual abuse. Moreover, killing the friend would leave the cult vulnerable to attack from noncult people who may have cared about the murder victim. This would break the first rule of secrecy. After examining their priorities, they may decide that keeping any single member is not worth jeopardizing the existence of the entire group. It is also not in the cult's best interest to kill a loved one who is a cult member. Cults spend a great deal of time programming and raising each survivor to hold a specific role within the group. Killing one member because they are about to lose another would potentially result in losing them both. They know that if they acted on the threat to kill this individual, the survivor trying to get out would lose a strong tie to the cult. In fact, the survivor would probably hate the group even more. Therefore, it seems to be a more effective tactic for the cult to keep the loved one alive while continuing with the threats. If You Leave, We Will Torture the Cult Member You Love Many violent cults threaten to harm someone the survivor knows is a cult member. The cults have access to these people for torture or physical deprivation. The bonds between cult members are the most powerful weapons the cults use to make survivors comply with their wishes. Threatening to harm a loved one in the cult is enough to keep most survivors from leaving. Cults are very capable of carrying out these threats. Often close friends and family members are also members of the group, and risking their safety may not seem worth a failed attempt to leave the group. Unfortunately, even if the survivor stays in the cult, this loved one will still be hurt and so will she. By leaving the group, the survivor gives a chance for others to follow. As long as people remain cult members, they remain unable to protect themselves or the people they love from the physical and mental cruelties of the group. The best way to protect loved ones is for survivors to get out themselves and show by example that it is possible to have a new way of life free of control by others. We Are Magic Violent cults want children to believe they are all-powerful. They try to convince children that they have magical powers. Often they tell the children that they can read their minds and send evil spirits after them if they misbehave or betray them. Survivors sometimes feel the presence of alter personalities who believe they were possessed. The sensation is actually a memory of how each survivor felt at a certain point during the ritual abuse experience. It is not the wrath of spirits that cults control. The acts committed against survivors, the horrible feelings that they must have felt, combined with the cult framing the emotional experience of the children as "evil spirits controlling their bodies," all lead survivors to explain this particular sensation of loss of body control as a possession. The evil spirit is really the final eruption of the repressed emotional energy that the survivor can no longer control. Abusers pretend to have magical powers to intimidate children into compliance. They use these lies to make children feel powerless. Sometimes, as survivors remember the abuse, coincidentally at the same time something bad happens to them-they may get in a car accident or get cancer, for example. These natural occurrences, which happen to ritual abuse survivors and non-ritual abuse survivors alike, are sometimes mistaken as proof by survivors and their advocates that the cults in fact have magical powers. This interpretation of survivors' traumatic experiences is extremely revictimizing. Survivors of ritual abuse have a right to get sick and face tragedy in the same way that all people face their painful life experiences. They have a right to face life tragedies without feeling "cursed" because of their ritual abuse experience. You Are Crazy ... It's Only a Dream What violent cults do to children makes them feel the craziness of never knowing what is real. Often they tell children that the ritual abuse is only a dream, a very, very bad dream. They tell children that kids actually enjoy being sexually and physically abused. They make the children thank them after they have been beaten. They teach children never to trust their own perceptions of reality, by lying to them about what is happening. The overwhelming feelings children experience during the abuse exacerbate the feeling of being out of control and "crazy." As the memories surface in later life, it is very confusing for survivors to understand why they never remembered any of the abuse until that moment. They may feel crazy, but they also feel a strong sense of familiarity, which lets them know they are not making any of it up. Survivors of ritual abuse are often accused by others of being crazy. With the statement "You are crazy," people are able to completely discount and minimize a person's feelings, thoughts, and behavior. "Oh, that person is just crazy. No one can believe what he says." The survivor who is told that she is crazy is told that her reality is not the truth. When a persons reality is denied, she may feel crazy, but that is very different from actually being psychotic. You Are Evil ... You Belong with Us Many groups teach children that they are evil and belong only with the cult group. They tell children that people outside the group see their "defective, evil cores." They claim that whenever anything bad happens to the children, it's because people finally see the black-ness inside their souls. These children learn that whenever they are victimized by others, they have asked for the attack in some way. They learn that there is something innately wrong with them that will never change. "No one else will ever want you," the cults tell the children. Abused children believe these lies because they are plagued with self-loathing for what they were forced to do. Initially, before the children are able to dissociate from the feelings, the children feel excruciatingly painful self-resentment, guilt, and self-hate. They know the things they were forced to do were "bad," and they identify this badness with themselves. The ritual abuse sets these children apart from people who were not raised in cults. If the children accept that they are bad, then they can belong somewhere-with the cult-and not be alone. Sometimes their only hope for acceptance or love appears to be with other cult members. You Can Never Make Mistakes Many violent cults program children to perform violent and non- violent acts during rituals. Children who make mistakes are se-verely reprimanded. Under the guise of discipline, cults intimidate children into not thinking about what the cults are forcing them to do. All the children worry about during the ritual is whether they are doing the act "right" This type of intensive structure cuts children off from their own internal sense of right and wrong. By dictating the children's actions, and then by threatening the children with violence if they don't comply, the cult is able to control the childrens thoughts during the abuse. For example, take a child who is slowly being trained to hold a specific role in the ritual. Each time the child makes a mistake, the child is tortured. Soon, the child is only aware of whether she is acting in a way that will keep her from being hurt. This keeps her from reflecting upon her own feelings and thoughts about what is happening during the ritual. in some violent cults, making a mistake is followed by extreme torture. During the torture, children ask themselves, "Why are they hurting me? Why?" The simplistic answer in the child's mind is, "Because they don't like me" For a child, that is the worst pain of all. Wanting to be perfect is another way of saying I just want to be liked. We Are Your Family Survivors are taught that the only life worth living is a life as a member of the cult. Cults often refer to themselves as family even if they are not blood relatives. They try to make children feel loyal and dedicated to the group in the way that most people feel dedicated to their biological families. Under the guise of "parenting," the cult determines for the children their present and future behavior. Survivors who go against the wishes of the cult sometimes feel like failures for betraying "their family." If survivors choose a life other than the one the cult has planned for them, sometimes they become plagued with thoughts like, "I am a failure ... I will never amount to anything." These messages are placed in the survivors' minds during torture sessions and throughout the abuse to keep them from ever having enough self-esteem to go against the desires of the group. It's Too Late ... There's Nothing You Can Do Many violent cults tell children that there is no hope and no wayout. Abusers constantly relay this message to children during torture sessions and reiterate it when the children are feeling hopeless. For example, an abuser might put a child's pet on an altar and kill it, after the child has tried desperately to make the abuser stop. Then the abuser laughs at the sobbing child and says, "It's over. It's. too late. There is no way out." In the past, in many ways, the abusers were right. It was too late. Less than ten years ago, if survivors told of the ritual abuse, they were thrown in mental hospitals and diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenics. Today, however, this attitude is changing. Survivors can remember the ritual abuse, and their own current entrapment and find adequate help. They can reach out for help and be heard. Survivors who believe there is no escape from the pain feel completely helpless. As children, they couldn't stop the abuse, no matter how loudly they cried or screamed. As adults, they may have watched their own children being tortured or killed, unable to stop what was happening. The cults teach their members that they have no control of what happens around them, that their behavior has no effect on their environment. Survivors learn that no matter what they do, they are doomed to receive more pain. This learned helplessness may prevent survivors from being able to leave the group as adults. You're a Fool Ritual abusers hurt the people, animals, and toys that the children love. Children who try to protect the things they love, or who act on their feelings to help and give to others, are ridiculed and mocked. For example, the abusers may deliberately set up a situation in which the child believes one of the cult members is going to protect her and love her. The child loves the savior adult and takes action to protect the adult from harm. When the child tries to protect the adult, the adult turns on the child and start to laugh at her. The adult says he likes to be hurt, and that the child is a fool to try to protect him. The child feels confused and betrayed. The message she receives is that she is a fool if she ever tries to help another person. They teach a memorable lesson: that just like her, her love or help is tainted and dirty. Cults always make fun of the positive expression of love. People are mocked when they express their love for other cult members, and they are taught that no one in the cult is capable of loving another human being. They also dont believe that anyone could honestly love a member of the cult, because they see their own internalized shame and disgust in other people. They believe they are all too "evil" to be loved. Love, however, is what allows cult members the ability to fight the pain and programming of the cult. Making survivors feel like fools when they love other people keeps survivors from feeling the strength that comes from the power of love. If they never feel the strength that is found in lovein the ability to feel-then they will have difficulty breaking free of the cult. No One Will Ever Love You The cults tell the children that they will never be loved by anyone, that they are tainted and messed up inside, and that anyone who gets close to them will see their "dirtiness". For example, as a child complies with the wishes of his abusers and hurts a helpless crea-ture, an abuser might turn to a friend of the child's and say, "Look at him! Look at him!" meaning, look at how "evil" and "disgusting" your friend has become. This causes the child who complied with the abusers to feel that his close friend has now seen his "dirty, evil core." The cults tell the children these lies in order to bond them to the group. People who feel they will never be loved experience life as utterly and completely meaningless. This gives the cults the opportunity to control every aspect of the victim's life. If the victims no longer care what happens, then the cults can make them do whatever they want. Survivors of ritual abuse feel this ache for love, which they often identify as the reality that they have never been loved. It is a painful and devastating thought. However, there may be times when people feel angry at us or not even care whether we live or die, but everyone has been loved, if at least for a moment. The pain identified by survivors as the reality that they were "never loved" is a deep realization of the isolated lives they had to endure because of the ritual abuse. Each survivor knows there are places deep inside that no one-except for someone else who has been abused in a cult-could understand. And many times those who have also been ritually abused are drowning in their own pain and are unable to provide her with the support she needs. The survivor needs a nurturing love that she believes she will never find. This deep knowledge that her needs may never be met fits with the cult's message that "No one will ever love you!" because that may be how it feels to not have your needs met. You Are So Special Children in many violent cults are programmed to feel special and superior to other human beings. They are given specific roles within the group that are most suited to their personalities. These children often are told that they are a goddess, Jesus, or some other important figure. For example, at a ritual a little girl may be dressed up in a fancy costume and told she is a goddess who has a message for the world. She is told that ordinary human beings will never understand her. This form of brainwashing is a deep and devastating betrayal of a child's need to feel loved. It keeps the child from ever feeling connected to other human beings. Young children naturally feel special. Children love to fantasize that they are the queen or king of the land. This natural feeling of specialness is not the type of specialness we think of as adults, but is based on a deep and powerful love for oneself It is not about arrogance and power. It is about wanting to be the most loved and important person in the world, the one who gets all the good attention. Manipulating this feeling of specialness betrays the child's love for herself and her desire to be loved by others. It feels good to be told you are special. When you are truly loved by someone, you are the most special, the most loved person in the loved ones life. The programming of being "special" taps into this need to receive special love and recognition from another person. But to the child's detriment, this programming is designed to make the child feel superior and different from other people rather than cherished and wanted. To add to the confusion, children who are programmed to believe that they are special are continually reminded as adults that they are mere members of the group and "no better than any- one else" If an adult member talks about feeling special, others look down on him. It is taboo in the cults to toot your own horn. Many violent cults don't want adult members to feel any self-love or to express any positive feelings toward themselves. If individual members believed they were special and powerful, they might have enough strength to go against the group and break free. Cults do not want their members to feel empowered unless the feelings are controlled and tamed by the cult belief system. Each member is torn by a sense of specialness that contradicts their deep feelings of being "evil" and "unlovable." When anyone reminds them of this contradiction by sharing their own feelings of specialness, other members immediately want the person to be silenced. You Can Save the World Many violent cults tell their members they can save the world. During a ritual, for example, the abusers might set up a scene where a small child is allowed to rescue an animal that is about to be killed. The abusers then tell her there are many animals suffering in the world that all need her help. They ask her, "What would you do to save all the animals?" They tell her that if she figures out how to do it, they will help her. They make her feel that saving an individual is not important. It is the entire world that must be changed, and she has the power to do it. If members believe that they can someday change everything that has ever caused them pain, they do not feel the pain of their losses. This programming saves individuals from killing themselves when they do feel hopeless and trapped in the cult-, it restores the feeling of individual control and convinces them they can make changes. However, this programming also makes them believe that they are not only responsible for their own happiness, but also for the happiness of the entire world. There is no way that any one single person can change the entire world. This dream of saving the world is like a soothing narcotic hope, but in reality it prevents people from taking care of themselves. Abusers use this programming time and time again to manipulate survivors. if survivors use this fantasy to suppress their hard-felt grief, they will inevitably feel a desperate need to protect the fantasy of saving the world-even if it means sacrificing their own lives. Hatred for the World Cults control children by isolating them from the larger society. They make children feel like they belong to an elite group that will someday have control of the entire world. They teach them that the cult is right, and that everyone else in the world is wrong. They view noncult people as weak and inferior. Their belief systems are based on a deep hatred for all people who have never been members of the cult. Most survivors of ritual abuse harbor some resentment for the larger society that did not protect them. The cults use this justified resentment for society to bond its members to the group. They make survivors feel completely isolated and alienated from the larger society. They teach survivors that there is no place to turn for help. just ten years ago, survivors did not have a place to turn. Today, things are changing. Survivors who persistently search for adequate help find it. If They Find Out, They Will Throw You in jail! Many violent cults are able to silence children by making them feel responsible for what happens in the cult. Children are told that if others knew what they had done in the cult, then people would lock them in a cage. Sometimes cults even act out scenarios in rituals where they place children in cages to show them what jail feels like. The children are terrified by these threats because they know bad people go to jail, and they know they were forced to do very bad things in the cult. The children become terrified of the law and of the larger society because they think everyone would hate them and punish them if they found out what they had done in the rituals. At the same time, they feel a bitter hatred and resentment for the "law." For children raised in cults, the laws of the country they live in sometimes seem like hypocritical laws that protect everyone but them. When ritually abused children are unable to escape from their abusers, they are afraid to remember current ritual abuse memories for fear that they might be put in jail. Many adult ritual abuse survivors who are stuck in cults today are afraid to try to get out because of this threat. in some ways, the cults are right. Unfortunately, in a court of law, it is very difficult for adult ritual abuse survivors charged with ritual abuse to prove they were brainwashed from childhood to commit the acts. Even if the adults were tortured from when they were babies never to seek help or tell of the abuse, it is not regarded as an excuse. It is not an excuse that most of them never had a choice to become anything other than a "willing" member of the group. As a result, these survivors once again feel horribly betrayed by the system. If You Tell, They'll Lock You Up in a Mental Hospital! Unfortunately, this threat sometimes comes true. It is not uncommon for survivors to end up in psychiatric hospitals as they remember the abuse. Some survivors choose to be hospitalized; other survivors are hospitalized against their will by their therapists because of suicidal feelings or acts. In the hospitals, survivors are often drugged and treated with grave disrespect. Few psychiatric hospitals are based on the philosophy of empowering the patient. Most hospitals frame patients as "mentally ill" or "unhealthy" as a result of the abuse. They do not address ritual abuse survivors as people who were severely traumatized as children. Even some of the hospitals specifically for people with dissociative disorders revictimize survivors. In these hospitals, the staff treat the "mental illness" of MPD as opposed to providing a supportive, nurturing environment for the survivors in which they are able to express the truth of their deep emotional pain in an empowering manner. Trauma centers, as opposed to psychiatric hospitals, appear to have a more empowering philosophy regarding the role of dissociation in the abuse. Trauma centers are aware that the abuse, not the multiple personalities, is what causes survivors' pain. Enlightened trauma centers treat the personalities as the guardians of the truth. Unfortunately, survivors have reported revictimization even in trauma centers. Survivors must be cautious as they remember the abuse. They need to find therapists who will respect their feelings about hospitalization. They need to remember that therapists cannot legally put their clients in mental hospitals unless they believe the clients are going to act on feelings to cause harm to themselves or others. In the case of therapy for ritual abuse survivors, the threat of hospitalization should not stop survivors from talking about homicidal or suicidal thoughts or feelings. These feelings are a common part of remembering ritual abuse, and talking about violent feelings need not be an indication that survivors intend to act on the feelings. Survivors must learn early in the process of remembering, through cooperation and communication in the multiple system, to keep their personalities from putting the entire system in situations where they might legally require hospitalization in a revictimizing facility. Personalities can talk about the suicidal or homicidal feelings, but acting on the feelings is hurtful to the system as a whole. The personalities must work together to keep them all as safe as possible. People Will Think You Are a Child Molester If survivors can identify with a child and feel a child's pain, then they are unable to participate in the rituals. Many violent cults teach all members to be afraid of children because they want the survivors to hate children, to resent children. This programming is one of the most devastating forms of programming for survivors because the pain of being forced to abuse children is perhaps the greatest pain of all. For survivors, it is taking part in what led them to their own destruction. In the cult environment, survivors do not have a choice when they are forced to molest another child. They commit these acts against their will, then they hate themselves and wish there was a punishment great enough to make the guilt stop. Many violent cults tell all their members, children and adults, that if they are seen around children, people will believe they are molesting children outside of the cult. This programming taps into the survivors' shame from the ritual abuse. The only way some survivors are able to deal with the painful thoughts is to avoid children altogether. Since survivors saw children being abused as they were growing up, sometimes they feel plagued with thoughts of molestation and child abuse whenever they are around children. Survivors think there is something innately wrong with them to make them think such thoughts. But it should be no surprise that children would remind ritual abuse survivors of their own abuse. The problem arises when a survivor does not know she has been molested as a child, and she identifies with the images she has of herself as a "per-vert" In these cases, the survivor may act on the thoughts of sexual abuse and hurt the child. The many forms of programming used by cults go against what society labels as normal, acceptable thoughts and behavior. This programming is meant to isolate survivors. Cults train survivors to keep these programmed thoughts and feelings secret. During the programming, the survivors are told that these "negative' ways of thinking are so bad and evil that if other people knew about these "crazy thoughts," they would hate them and throw them into mental hospitals. initially, these fear tactics isolate the effects of the programming to specific personalities that do not participate in the survivors' daily lives. By isolating these thoughts and feelings, cults are able to train survivors to look like garden-variety people who have not been traumatized by a violent cult. When survivors remember the ritual abuse, these tortured and traumatized personalities are finally given a chance to speak. The programming then surfaces in their daily lives because the tortured and traumatized personalities are no longer isolated to their ritual abuse experience. Survivors become plagued with all the thoughts and feelings that were placed in their minds. When survivors understand the effects of programming on their behavior, they are able to break the programming and make their own choices about their lives today. The point of all programming through torture and hypnosis is centered on forcing the child to rely on the cult. A primary purpose of violent cults is to recruit new members and to keep the ones they already have. It is absolutely essential for survivors and their advocates to remember the intensive and structured brainwashing that is used in the cults to force these children to commit acts of violence. The children may feel ashamed because they hurt about what happened, but they were never shameful for what they were forced to do. Even adults who were brainwashed in cults from the time they were babies, and who are stuck in cults today due to amnesia, have a right to acknowledge their own victimization and seek help. Survivors of ritual abuse who are unconscious of their behavior, and as a result are unable to make choices without being influenced by this intensive cult brainwashing, are also victims and deserve a chance to have their pain heard. pps. 75-102 --[cont]-- Aloha, He'Ping, Om, Shalom, Salaam. Em Hotep, Peace Be, Omnia Bona Bonis, All My Relations. Adieu, Adios, Aloha. Amen. Roads End Kris DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. 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