--- fortunes2.orig Mon Sep 30 11:34:03 2024 +++ fortunes2 Wed May 28 16:43:27 2025 @@ -319,17 +319,6 @@ ripoff merchants." Comment on this insult. up of western dualism? 7: Hermann Hesse was a Pisces. Discuss. % - OUTCONERR -Twas FORTRAN as the doloop goes - Did logzerneg the ifthen block -All kludgy were the function flows - And subroutines adhoc. - -Beware the runtime-bug my friend - squrooneg, the false goto -Beware the infiniteloop - And shun the inprectoo. -% Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence 1. Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb, use the stairs. @@ -1275,10 +1264,6 @@ Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naught i snuff it. -- Monty Python, "The Book of Armaments" % - "And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" -asked the father of his little son. - "Diet." -% "Anything else, sir?" asked the attentive bellhop, trying his best to make the lady and gentleman comfortable in their penthouse suite in the posh hotel. @@ -1538,14 +1523,6 @@ this morning and in so doing I glanced at my own refle they don't even make good mirrors like they used to. Sandy Frazier, "I Have Noticed" % - Excellence is THE trend of the '80s. Walk into any shopping -mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as -"Garfield Gets Spayed", and you'll see a half-dozen books telling you -how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence", -"Grasping Hold of Excellence", "Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night -So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc. - -- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence" -% Exxon's "Universe of Energy" tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the @@ -1817,23 +1794,6 @@ the phone. "You'll have to call the weather bureau fo "Who was that?" his young wife asked. "Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear." % - "I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a -quavering voice. - "No," said GoodGulf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of -course, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which -I will not utter here. They are lines of a verse long known in -Elven-lore: - - "This Ring, no other, is made by the elves, - Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves. - Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop, - This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop. - The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring. - The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing. - If broken or busted, it cannot be remade. - If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)." - -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings" -% I did some heavy research so as to be prepared for "Mommy, why is the sky blue?" HE asked me about black holes in space. @@ -4720,10 +4680,6 @@ III. Any body passing through solid matter will leave -- David Letterman's "Top Ten Christmas Movies in Times Square" % -... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he -was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. - -- Mark Twain -% ... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle @@ -6343,9 +6299,6 @@ A log may float in a river, but that does not make it % A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. % -A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths. - -- Steve Wright -% A lover without indiscretion is no lover at all. -- Thomas Hardy % @@ -7785,8 +7738,6 @@ It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to more advanced than the lichen family. -- Dave Barry % -After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn. -% After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean security, @@ -8540,8 +8491,6 @@ Farrah Fawcett-Majors for her money. An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff. -- Adlai Stevenson % -An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. -% An efficient and a successful administration manifests itself equally in small as in great matters. -- W. Churchill @@ -9644,10 +9593,6 @@ ASCII a stupid question, you get an EBCDIC answer. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If God won't have you, the devil must. % -Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if -one went to Harvard). - -- Edgar R. Fiedler -% Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate. -- Howard Kandel @@ -10641,9 +10586,6 @@ BS: The man with the power... % Buck-passing usually turns out to be a boomerang. % -Bucy's Law: - Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. -% bug, n: An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect. The activity of "debugging", or removing bugs from a program, ends @@ -11519,22 +11461,14 @@ Computer Science is the only discipline in which we vi adding a new wing to a building as being maintenance -- Jim Horning % -Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. -% Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. -- Gilb % -Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - -- Pablo Picasso -% Computers don't actually think. You just think they think. (We think.) % -Conceit causes more conversation than wit. - -- LaRouchefoucauld -% Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds. -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month" @@ -12669,11 +12603,6 @@ just whipped out a quarter? "Well, SOMEbody's out to get me!" -- Calvin and Hobbs % -"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?" -"Of course it's wrong! It's illegal!" -"I've never done anything illegal before." -"I thought you said you were an accountant!" -% Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long together if ever we had been married? % @@ -12730,8 +12659,6 @@ be replaced, you cannot be promoted. % Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted. % -Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. -% Don't buy a landslide. I don't want to have to pay for one more vote than I have to. -- Joseph P. Kennedy, on JFK's election strategy. @@ -12884,8 +12811,6 @@ Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing sodomy and the lash. -- Winston Churchill % -Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective. -% Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done. -- James J. Ling % @@ -13604,9 +13529,6 @@ Every day people are straying away from the church and % Every dog has its day, but the nights belong to the pussycats. % -Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. - -- Don Vonada -% Every love's the love before In a duller dress. -- Dorothy Parker, "Summary" @@ -13737,9 +13659,6 @@ Everybody has something to conceal. Everybody is given the same amount of hormones, at birth, and if you want to use yours for growing hair, that's fine with me. % -Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. - -- Dykstra -% Everybody knows that the dice are loaded. Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed. Everybody knows the war is over. Everybody knows the good guys lost. Everybody knows the fight was fixed: the poor stay @@ -13926,8 +13845,6 @@ Experience teaches you that the man who looks you stra particularly if he adds a firm handshake, is hiding something. -- Clifton Fadiman, "Enter Conversing" % -Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. -% Experiments must be reproducible; they should all fail in the same way. % External Security: @@ -13952,8 +13869,6 @@ Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... mode of justice is no virtue. -- Barry Goldwater % -f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd. -% f u cn rd ths, u r prbbly a lsy spllr. % FACILITY REJECTED 100044200000; @@ -14029,16 +13944,6 @@ Fame may be fleeting but obscurity is forever. Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children. -- Mark Twain % -Families, when a child is born -Want it to be intelligent. -I, through intelligence, -Having wrecked my whole life, -Only hope the baby will prove -Ignorant and stupid. -Then he will crown a tranquil life -By becoming a Cabinet Minister - -- Su Tung-p'o -% Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim. -- George Santayana @@ -14399,9 +14304,6 @@ For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out. -- Andy Capp % -For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. - -- R. Clopton -% For every human problem, there is a neat, plain solution -- and it is always wrong. -- H. L. Mencken @@ -15467,9 +15369,6 @@ Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. % Fremen add life to spice! % -Fresco's Discovery: - If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored. -% Friction is a drag. % Fried's 1st Rule: @@ -15541,9 +15440,6 @@ Function reject. % Fundamentally, there may be no basis for anything. % -Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. - -- H. H. Williams -% Furthermore, if we send something by car, it's a shipment... but if we send it by ship, it's cargo. % @@ -15854,8 +15750,6 @@ on any other foundation than religious principle, nor secure which is not supported by moral habits. -- Daniel Webster % -Go 'way! You're bothering me! -% Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world... -- Wally Shawn % @@ -15913,11 +15807,6 @@ God isn't dead. He just doesn't want to get involved. God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through. -- Paul Valery % -God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. - -- Kronecker -% -God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh. -% God must have loved calories, she made so many of them. % God rest ye CS students now, The bearings on the drum are gone, @@ -16033,8 +15922,6 @@ Good morning. This is the telephone company. Due to giving you advance notice that your service will be cut off indefinitely at ten o'clock. That's two minutes from now. % -Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. -% Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor. % Good night, Austin, Texas, wherever you are! @@ -16473,9 +16360,6 @@ hadn't been carving that pie." Harrison's Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. % -Harris's Lament: - All the good ones are taken. -% Harry and Fred were playing their Sunday afternoon golf game. The game, as always, was close. They were at the treacherous 12th hole: a par three that required a perfect first shot over a large pond and onto a tiny green. There @@ -16796,9 +16680,6 @@ My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be j His performance is so wooden you want to spray him with Liquid Pledge. -- John Stark, movie review % -He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. - -- John Mason Brown, drama critic -% He tells you when you've got on too much lipstick, And helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. -- O. Nash, on the perfect husband @@ -17078,13 +16959,8 @@ Hell's broken loose. % Help! I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory! % -Help! I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70! -% HELP! Man trapped in a human body! % -HELP! MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN! - -- E. E. CUMMINGS -% HELP!!!! I'm being held prisoner in /usr/share/games! % Help stamp out Mickey-Mouse computer interfaces -- Menus are for Restaurants! @@ -17234,10 +17110,6 @@ Sir, may I ask nine questions? Hi Jimbo. Dennis. Really appreciate the help on the income tax. You wanna help on the audit now? % -Hi there! This is just a note from me, to you, to tell you, the person -reading this note, that I can't think up any more famous quotes, jokes, -nor bizarre stories, so you may as well go home. -% Hickery Dickery Dock, The mice ran up the clock, The clock struck one, @@ -17345,11 +17217,6 @@ History has the relation to truth that theology has to i.e. none to speak of. -- Lazarus Long % -History is curious stuff - You'd think by now we had enough -Yet the fact remains I fear - They make more of it every year. -% History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names. -- Leo Tolstoy @@ -17359,8 +17226,6 @@ History is on our side (as long as we can control the History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on. -- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Maxims" % -History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history. -% History repeats itself -- the first time as a tragi-comedy, the second time as bedroom farce. % @@ -17652,8 +17517,6 @@ How to Raise Your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children % How untasteful can you get? % -How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers. -% How you look depends on where you go. % However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There @@ -18087,10 +17950,6 @@ I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it. -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands % -I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a -novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. - -- Fred Allen -% I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. -- John Cage @@ -18621,9 +18480,6 @@ I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to s wife's brother. -- Artemus Ward % -I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it. - -- Edgar Allan Poe -% I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. -- Malcolm Muggeridge @@ -19055,9 +18911,6 @@ I never take work home with me; I always leave it in s I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. -- W. C. Fields % -I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. - -- G. B. Shaw -% I only know what I read in the papers. -- Will Rogers % @@ -19361,10 +19214,6 @@ Go on and give it a try, Why prolong the agony, all men must die. -- Roger Waters, "The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking" % -I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to -see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - -- Shirley Temple -% I suggest a new strategy, Artoo: let the Wookie win. -- C3P0 % @@ -20503,9 +20352,6 @@ play hooky more. I probably wouldn't make such good g I'd learn more. I would ride on more merry-go-rounds. I'd pick more daisies. % -If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. - -- Albert Einstein -% If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. -- Tallulah Bankhead % @@ -20657,8 +20503,6 @@ had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much bet % If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. % -If life is a stage, I want some better lighting. -% If life is merely a joke, the question still remains: for whose amusement? % @@ -20836,9 +20680,6 @@ If the church put in half the time on covetousness tha this would be a better world. -- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days" % -If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. - -- Norm Schryer -% If the designers of X-window built cars, there would be no fewer than five steering wheels hidden about the cockpit, none of which followed the same principles -- but you'd be able to shift gears with your car stereo. Useful @@ -21093,10 +20934,6 @@ If you aren't rich you should always look useful. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you clearly don't understand the situation. % -If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse. -% -If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything. -% If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S. Truman % @@ -21124,8 +20961,6 @@ If you continually give you will continually have. If you could only get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything. % -If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? -% If you didn't have most of your friends, you wouldn't have most of your problems. % @@ -21141,8 +20976,6 @@ it; for the more men talk, the more likely they are to % If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again. % -If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. -% If you don't count some of Jehovah's injunctions, there are no humorists in the Bible. -- Mordecai Richler @@ -21232,8 +21065,6 @@ Like another chance. If you hands are clean and your cause is just and your demands are reasonable, at least it's a start. % -If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some. -% If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent. -- Bette Davis % @@ -21864,9 +21695,6 @@ like pigeons and Catholics. Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- A. Einstein % -Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. - -- Jules de Gaultier -% Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. @@ -22555,9 +22383,6 @@ Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations -- Colin Bowles, San Francisco Chronicle % -Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - -- Martin Luther King, Jr. -% Innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself. -- Joan Didion, "On Self Respect" @@ -22848,8 +22673,6 @@ It has been said that Public Relations is the art of w and getting people under the influence. -- Jeremy Tunstall % -It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. -% It has long been an article of our folklore that too much knowledge or skill, or especially consummate expertise, is a bad thing. It dehumanizes those who achieve it, and makes difficult their commerce with just plain folks, in whom @@ -23414,8 +23237,6 @@ I did it all for thrills. It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. -- Mark Twain % -It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead. -% It was a brave man that ate the first oyster. % It was a fine, sweet night, the nicest since my divorce, maybe the nicest @@ -23553,13 +23374,6 @@ It's clever, but is it art? % It's difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame. % -"It's easier said than done." - -... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than -said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than -said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than -done". -% It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home. -- Don Price % @@ -24100,9 +23914,6 @@ But I always thought that I'd see you again. Thought I'd see you one more time again. -- James Taylor, "Fire and Rain" % -Justice is incidental to law and order. - -- J. Edgar Hoover -% Kafka's Law: In the fight between you and the world, back the world. -- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days" @@ -24617,8 +24428,6 @@ Lee's Law: Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said that there'd be so many! % -Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. -% Leibowitz's Rule: When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands. @@ -25710,9 +25519,6 @@ Man is by nature a political animal. Man is the measure of all things. -- Protagoras % -Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. - -- Mark Twain -% Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be. @@ -26144,9 +25950,6 @@ Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well. -- Will Rogers % -Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. - -- R. S. Barton -% Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the earth -- but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three. -- Lazarus Long @@ -26355,10 +26158,6 @@ senses are vain and bring forth no truth except detrim MENU: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of. % -Meskimen's Law: - There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to - do it over. -% Message from Our Sponsor on ttyTV at 13:58 ... % METEOROLOGIST: @@ -26418,8 +26217,6 @@ MIPS: Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images. -- Jean Cocteau % -Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. -% Misfortunes arrive on wings and leave on foot. % Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to utter failure. @@ -27524,9 +27321,6 @@ NEWSFLASH!! 1700 N. 17th St. this morning to see if the elevator was on its way down. It was. Age 31. % -Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law: - A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. -% Nice guys don't finish nice. % Nice guys finish last. @@ -27551,10 +27345,6 @@ God -- I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. -- Henry Kissinger % -Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. -The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much. - -- Augustine -% Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much. @@ -27747,9 +27537,6 @@ No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, a dirty little beast. -- W. S. Gilbert % -No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - -- Eleanor Roosevelt -% No one can put you down without your full cooperation. % No one gets sick on Wednesdays. @@ -28681,10 +28468,6 @@ I could drive a shiny Lincoln, If I dealt in good cocaine. -- To If I Only Had A Brain from "The Wizard of Oz" % -Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd -be irresponsible, too. - -- Lichty & Wagner -% Oh Lord, won't you buy me a 4BSD? My friends all got sources, so why can't I see? Come all you moby hackers, come sing it out with me: @@ -28741,9 +28524,6 @@ Old age is always fifteen years older than I am. Old age is the harbor of all ills. -- Bion % -Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. - -- Trotsky -% Old age is too high a price to pay for maturity. % Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on. @@ -28782,11 +28562,6 @@ On a clear day, U.C.L.A. On a clear disk you can seek forever. -- P. Denning % -On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague: - -"This isn't right. This isn't even wrong." - -- Wolfgang Pauli -% On a tous un peu peur de l'amour, mais on a surtout peur de souffrir ou de faire souffrir. @@ -29178,8 +28953,6 @@ One must have a heart of stone to read the death of Li without laughing. -- Oscar Wilde % -One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. -% One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day. % One of the chief duties of the mathematician in acting as an @@ -29262,8 +29035,6 @@ I think she'll know. Feed your head. Feed your head. -- Jefferson Airplane, "White Rabbit" % -One planet is all you get. -% One possible reason that things aren't going according to plan is that there never was a plan in the first place. % @@ -30459,9 +30230,6 @@ Preserve wildlife -- pickle a squirrel today! % Preserve Wildlife! Throw a party today! % -Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: - It's on the other side. -% Price's Advice: It's all a game -- play it to have fun. % @@ -31703,8 +31471,6 @@ RADIO SHACK LEVEL II BASIC READY >_ % -Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. -% Raffiniert ist der Herrgott aber boshaft ist er nicht. -- Albert Einstein % @@ -31790,8 +31556,6 @@ Reality always seems harsher in the early morning. % Reality does not exist - yet. % -Reality is an obstacle to hallucination. -% Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs. -- Lily Tomlin % @@ -32437,8 +32201,6 @@ surprised at how little you have. % Save energy: Drive a smaller shell. % -Save energy: be apathetic. -% Save gas, don't eat beans. % Save gas, don't use the shell. @@ -32635,8 +32397,6 @@ Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny. Secretary's Revenge: Filing almost everything under "the". % -Security check: INTRUDER ALERT! -% Sed quis custodiet ipsos Custodes? [Who guards the Guardians?] % @@ -32782,9 +32542,6 @@ SERENDIPITY: Serfs up! -- Spartacus % -Serocki's Stricture: - Marriage is always a bachelor's last option. -% Set the cart before the horse. -- John Heywood % @@ -34308,9 +34065,6 @@ Action Required: If your glass is full and no one is s -- Bar Troubleshooting % -Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. - -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982 -% System checkpoint complete. % System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing. @@ -34390,9 +34144,6 @@ Talk is cheap because supply always exceeds demand. Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. -- Laurie Anderson % -Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. - -- Friedrich Nietzsche -% Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank. -- John Mason Brown, drama critic @@ -35277,9 +35028,6 @@ The computer is to the information industry roughly wh central power station is to the electrical industry. -- Peter Drucker % -The computing field is always in need of new cliches. - -- Alan Perlis -% The concept seems to be clear by now. It has been defined several times by examples of what it is not. % @@ -36955,9 +36703,6 @@ themselves," the old man said, no longer to me. "But of the bicuspids?" -- The Old Man and his Bridge % -The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me. - -- Nicol Williamson -% The moon is made of green cheese. -- John Heywood % @@ -37975,8 +37720,6 @@ sir, I know the answer is Jesus, but it sure sounds li % The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. % -The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. -% The sounds of the nouns are mostly unbound. In town a noun might wear a gown, or further down, might dress a clown. @@ -38017,9 +37760,6 @@ back by years. The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin. -- Alexandre Arnoux, "Etudes et caprices" % -The steady state of disks is full. - -- Ken Thompson -% The story of the butterfly: "I was in Bogota and waiting for a lady friend. I was in love, a long time ago. I waited three days. I was hungry but could not go @@ -39130,9 +38870,6 @@ There but for the grace of God, goes God. There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship. -- Ralph Nader % -There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. - -- Henry Kissinger -% There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation. -- W. C. Fields @@ -39372,9 +39109,6 @@ There is no royal road to geometry. % There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. % -There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it. - -- G. B. Shaw -% There is no security on this earth. There is only opportunity. -- General Douglas MacArthur % @@ -39405,8 +39139,6 @@ Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptabl There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it. % -There is no time like the pleasant. -% There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing. % @@ -39696,8 +39428,6 @@ There's always free cheese in a mouse trap. % There's always free cheese in a mousetrap. % -There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to. -% There's been no top authority saying what marijuana does to you. I really don't know that much about it. I tried it once but it didn't do anything to me. @@ -39804,8 +39534,6 @@ of concealment which seek to mislead and obscure. They also serve who only stand and wait. -- John Milton % -They also surf who only stand on waves. -% They are called computers simply because computation is the only significant job that has so far been given to them. % @@ -39950,8 +39678,6 @@ wise men and a virgin in the whole organization. -- Mayor Vincent J. `Buddy' Cianci, on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed. % -They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid! -% Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it. -- G. K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday" @@ -39980,8 +39706,6 @@ Pollute the Mississippi. Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish. -- Darrell Royal % -Think of it! With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.! -% Think sideways! -- Ed De Bono % @@ -40057,9 +39781,6 @@ bags! I just won the California lottery!" "I don't care," responds the husband. "just so long as you're out of the house by dinner!" % -This is a country where people are free to practice their religion, -regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys... -% This is a good time to punt work. % This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. @@ -40072,12 +39793,6 @@ and mushroom. Jim, come and get me! This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists, and not enough hunchbacks. % -This is for all ill-treated fellows - Unborn and unbegot, -For them to read when they're in trouble - And I am not. - -- A. E. Housman -% This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message; I'll get back to you. % @@ -40274,8 +39989,6 @@ Those who can't write work for the Bell Labs Record. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. -- George Santayana % -Those who can't write, write manuals. -% Those who claim the dead never return to life haven't ever been around here at quitting time. % @@ -41255,9 +40968,6 @@ Try to relax and enjoy the crisis. % Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you. % -Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only -specification is that it should run noiselessly. -% Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly. % @@ -41502,8 +41212,6 @@ dry side. % Two peanuts were walking through the New York. One was assaulted. % -Two percent of zero is almost nothing. -% Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane. % Two Russian friends happen to meet in Red Square. One of them says, "By @@ -42621,13 +42329,6 @@ Weinberg's Principle: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy. % -Weinberg's Second Law: - If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, - then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. -% -Weiner's Law of Libraries: - There are no answers, only cross references. -% Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. -- Dean McLaughlin. @@ -43053,9 +42754,6 @@ if you can't find the entrance? What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature? -- Nero Wolfe, "The League of Frightened Men" % -What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow -in his footsteps? -% What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps? % @@ -43399,8 +43097,6 @@ Stock Item We shipped it before and can do it again. % What this country needs is a good 5 dollar plasma weapon. % -What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING! -% What time is it? I don't know, it keeps changing. % @@ -43853,12 +43549,6 @@ users lose their spirit. Hack for the user's benefit. Trust them; leave them alone. % -When love is gone, there's always justice. -And when justice is gone, there's always force. -And when force is gone, there's always Mom. -Hi, Mom! - -- Laurie Anderson -% When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it. % @@ -44335,8 +44025,6 @@ you're living with someone it's fantastic ... they're of losing you they've got to keep you satisfied all the time. -- Nell Dunn, "Poor Cow" % -When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN. -% When you're ready to give up the struggle, who can you surrender to? % WHEN YOU'RE RIDING IN A TIME MACHINE way far into the future, don't stick @@ -44401,10 +44089,6 @@ Where do I find the time for not reading so many books Where do you go to get anorexia? -- Shelley Winters % -Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what -is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. - -- John Kenneth Galbraith -% Where is John Carson now that we need him? -- RLG % @@ -44633,8 +44317,6 @@ Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive in Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods. -- Bernard Levin % -Who's on first? -% Who's scruffy-looking? -- Han Solo % @@ -45864,8 +45546,6 @@ Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -- Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!" % -You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. -% You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends. % @@ -45941,10 +45621,6 @@ You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. -- Hepler, CS, University of Washington % -You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it -doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. - -- Hepler, Systems Design 182 -% You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment @@ -46083,8 +45759,6 @@ You cannot use your friends and have them too. % You can't break eggs without making an omelet. % -You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks. -% You can't cheat an honest man, never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump. -- W. C. Fields @@ -46470,8 +46144,6 @@ doesn't mean that you weren't here today. You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others. % -You may be recognized soon. Hide. -% You may be right, I may be crazy, But maybe it's a lunatic you're looking for? -- Billy Joel @@ -47157,8 +46829,6 @@ You're always thinking you're gonna be the one that makes 'em act different. -- Woody Allen, "Manhattan" % -You're at the end of the road again. -% You're at Witt's End. % You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life." @@ -47270,4 +46940,3 @@ Zeus gave Leda the bird. % Zisla's Law: If you're asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants. -%