-Caveat Lector- radman pull quote: "Our government is also led by life-draining ghouls who deify monsters at the expense of ordinary people, evil zombies who are cruel to the poor and homeless, valuing war and the military over peace and goodwill. But we don't call them vampires. We call them Republicans." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >From The Memphis Business Journal http://memphis.bcentral.com/memphis/stories/2001/08/13/editorial3.html - Guest Comment Dracula raises the stakes in human cloning Imagine that Michael Crichton's "Jurassic Park" dreams are reality. We can take DNA from long-departed life forms and breed them in labs, cloning new versions of creatures that have not walked the earth for centuries. Once the technology could be applied to humans, who would we bring back to life? Winston Churchill? Gandhi? Benjamin Franklin? Martin Luther King Jr.? How many thousands of candidates could you list before it would occur to you to resurrect Dracula? The Romanian daily newspaper Libertatea reported recently that several California and Florida businessmen plan to clone Dracula by disinterring the body of Vlad the Impaler, who inspired Bram Stoker's novel. It's not clear why these alleged businessmen want to bring back a vampire; maybe they want to groom an army of Hollywood agents or insurance salesmen. Vlad was a nasty one. According to "Dracula: Prince of Many Faces: His Life and Times" by Radu R. Florescu and Raymond T. McNally, Vlad killed between 40,000 and 100,000 people. Once, he invited beggars and old, sick and poor people to a banquet. He asked them, "Would you like to be without cares, lacking nothing in this world?" They said yes, so Vlad had the castle boarded up and set it on fire. Nobody made it out alive -- and that was the end of their problems, as he promised. Vlad's execution of choice was impalement. He liked to impale many people at once, and nothing was too brutal -- he had people skinned and boiled alive. Why bring this charmer back to life? Libertatea reported the group has approached the Scottish research center at Roslin, where Dolly the cloned sheep was produced, to find out whether cloning the count is possible. The businessmen told the newspaper the cloning plan will solve once and for all the mystery of Dracula. How they will profit from that, I can't imagine. A book tour? TV appearances? What if, halfway through an interview, Vlad reaches across the desk and impales Rosie O'Donnell with her own microphone? Why, that would be terrible! Putting aside those pesky ethical issues surrounding cloning, what possible business purpose can this have? It's not like Romania is planning a Dracula theme park! This just in: Romania is planning a Dracula theme park! Vlad's hometown of Sighisoara wants to open "Dracula Land" to increase "jobs, business and money for our town," bartender Dorel Baltres told Reuters. Baltres works at the Prince Dracula Inn, where a recent conference of historians met to reconcile Vlad's bloodsucking image with his Romanian legend as a national hero who battled the Ottoman Empire. No wonder the businessmen are from Florida and California. They're probably Disney execs. "Dracula tourists visiting Romania buy T-shirts, postcards, paintings and ceramic figures," Reuters says. Imagine putting a handsome Vlad the Impaler ceramic in your cabinet and waking up to find all your Precious Moments figurines are bleeding from the neck and looking at you with the raw hunger of the walking undead. What kind of attractions are these entrepreneurs planning? Instead of Cinderella's Castle, Vlad's Castle, where dreams come true, if you are Charles Manson? Instead of a Hall of Presidents, a Hall of Monsters, with animatronic statues of such horrible, shambling, bloodthirsty creatures as Hannibal Lecter, Jeffrey Dahmer, Freddy Krueger and Janet Reno? Shudder. The Romanian government is promoting the Dracula theme park, negotiating deals with foreign investors. This capitalistic approach shows how much post-Ceausescu Romania resembles America. Our government is also led by life-draining ghouls who deify monsters at the expense of ordinary people, evil zombies who are cruel to the poor and homeless, valuing war and the military over peace and goodwill. But we don't call them vampires. We call them Republicans. ------------ CONTACT Michael Miller, associate editor at sister publication South Florida Business Journal, at [EMAIL PROTECTED] <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/";>www.ctrl.org</A> DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. 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