Hi, Christer. Thanks for the rapid response. That's all fine. Re s4, para 2: First, i realised I missed another instance of 'new' in the abstract. I think that 'the' is correct in the new [sic] version in both places. It's pernickety but when it was 'a new' what you have is shorthand for "a new protocol identifier to be called 'TCP/TLS'..." (an addition to the existng list) whereas because the identifier is no longer new we now have "the protocol identifier [named] 'TCP/TLS'...". Cheers,Elwyn Sent from Samsung tablet. -------- Original message --------From: Christer Holmberg <christer.holmb...@ericsson.com> Date: 25/01/2017 13:40 (GMT+00:00) To: Elwyn Davies <elw...@dial.pipex.com>, gen-art@ietf.org Cc: draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update....@ietf.org, i...@ietf.org, mmu...@ietf.org Subject: Re: Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-11 Hi Elwyn,
Thanks for your review! See inline. Nits/editorial comments: >s1, para 2: s/TLS protocol/The TLS protocol/ (as per RFC 4572) I will fix as suggested. >s4, para 2: s/a new protocol identifier/the protocol identifier/ (it >isn't new any more) I am happy to remove ³new², but doesn¹t ³a² still sound better than ³the²? >s5.1: Suggest s/m- line/"m" line/ for consistency with s3.4 I will replace with single quotes (Œm¹), for consistency with s3.4 and s4. >s5.1, para 1: s/e.g./e.g.,/ I will fix as suggested. >s5.1, para 4: s/that each used certificate matches/that each >certificate used matches/ I will fix as suggested. >s5.1, para 5: s/each used certificate matches/each certificate used >matches/ I will fix as suggested. >s8, para 5: ' This specification creates a new IANA registry named >"Hash Function Textual Names".' >The registry is no longer new. Perhaps s/creates a new IANA >registry/takes over the IANA registry from RFC 4572/ I suggest: "This specification takes over the IANA registry named "Hash Function Textual Names², that was created in RFC 4572. It will not be part of the SDP Parameters.² Regards, Christer
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