Hi J Ra,My name is Bernie, I don't write often anymore; but I KNOW what you are going through. The pain and all of it. I live at a pain level between 5 and 9 most of the time, unbelievable muscle spasms, the ice picks, the electrical shocks, th ehot and cold, and numerous other sensations, and it has been this way for nearly 20 years now. In the beginning it took me 3 years and the help of my daughter to see what I was doing to myself as well as others. PLEASE don't take that long! I also was a very active person in sports, I was a firefighter and paramedic, took my kids fishing, camping and all of that. TM took all of that away, but with the help of my children, friends, the TM list, and doctors, I have a life now; not just an existance. It all ends up to be that the little things mean the most I have found. If you are ableto scuba, etc. by all means do it! I cannot because of my pump. But I found the little simple things mean so much more now than ever. Just snuggling next to my daughter and watching a movie gives me more joy than jumping out of a plane, or any of the other things I used to do. Pushing people away only hurts you and them, but you need to decide which lifestyle is right for you and invite them to join you in it for you, not for what you think they want or need. When they love you, it doesn't matter what one is doing, as long as it is done togetherand with love. Hope this helps you a little...
Namaste, Bernie in Texas
<<attachment: BPelow.vcf>>
