Hi Jeron, Thanks for the further insight. Though you don't "owe" any of us an explanation, this does help us understand more. I have known of people who did push loved ones away and close up within themselves, and that's what I thought you were doing from your first note, thus my response.
And I don't see it as a can of worms. For the most part it has been a great discussion, I've enjoyed reading the responses and the way TMers step up to support each other. There is no handbook and no one right way to deal with TM -- that varies with each of us according to how we're affected physically as well as personality type, family support, etc. Personally, I would never have survived without faith in God and His Word to help me each day. But reading all these different responses helps each of us to gain more insight and encouragement in dealing with TM on our own terms. I have to admit that diving and ziplining and such are not things that would appeal to me even without TM :-) But I am glad you're having the opportunity to experience them. And I do understand the need to challenge ourselves. The challenges I choose are different, but if I don't keep some challenges in front of me I would be curled up in a little ball inside my house and never move. In the early days of TM, any excursion or activity beyond just the function of daily living would leave me exhausted and with a flare-up of symptoms the next day. But, as you said, it is worth it, and for me, though it still happens, it is less direct. In fact, sometimes I forget the correlation. I am coming up on my fifteenth "anniversary" with TM in September. Last weekend I was in charge of our church's annual ladies' luncheon. In the preceding weeks of preparation, I almost always tell myself, "I am NEVER doing this again. Am I crazy, or what?" But it is a joy to see it all come together. Then this week I was having some major back pain and elimination issues and could not sit still for very long without falling asleep, and I was wondering what in the world was going on. Then I had a "Duh!" smack myself upside the head moment of realization that all that pressure and stress, even though it was a good kind of stress, was exacting its payback this week, so then I could just relax and go with it and give myself permission to sleep a little more and not hope for a very productive week this week. Anyway -- I wish you all the best. Barbara H. On Fri, May 21, 2010 at 5:23 PM, j ra <rumc...@hotmail.com> wrote: > Hey everybody, > When I started this post, I sure as hell wasn't expecting the can of worms > that I opened up! I got what you all said about me being selfish and trying > to go it alone....pushing my wife away and all that. When I came to the > Caribbean it was for two reasons. 1. I needed to learn to deal with this > thing of ours called TM, but away from everyone who knows me. I did this > because I wanted to see myself in the mirror again and not the person that > everyone feels sorry for because I have TM. So I moved here for a litttle > while just to get some "me" time. I am not pushing my loved ones away, like > most of you thought. Truth be told, my wife fully understands why I wanted > to be alone. 2. I am trying to relive my past. I am trying to push myself to > do the things I loved to do even though I have TM. I know there is no way > anyone of my loved ones are approving of this and are all worried about me > going off into the deep blue sea or jumping out of a plane like I used to, > so it's better if I do it when they can't see me do it and all be worried. > So today was my first dive in years and for the first time since I had TM, > I forgot all about it. My legs didn't hurt, my back was like brand new and > it was amazing. Of course I got a little help from a 6 knot current to do > most of the work under water for me (it's called a drift dive), but it was > amazing. I did it! Adrenaline pumped through me for 32 amazing minutes and I > felt alive again. I'm in all craploads of pain right now, but it was so > worth it. > Next stop, zip-lining in St. Lucia and Sky diving in Martinique. I know I'm > in for some serious pain, but I think I'm slowly remembering the good days. > My goal is to remember those days and replace the bad days. I called my wife > and told her I loved her and she said she was proud of me for taking the > step to regaining some control of my life. > So, now.....It feels great to be in pain....this time it was worth it. > Thanks everyone for all the emails and all the support. I love you guys > very much....you are my family! > Jeron > > ------------------------------ > Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up > now. <https://signup.live.com/signup.aspx?id=60969> >
