One for the boys!!!!
----- Original Message ----- From: "Graham Coulson" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: "'Jonathan Osmond'" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Thursday, April 25, 2002 9:48 AM Subject: Tips to Women from a Guy > > 1.) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, > you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. > 2.) ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour > 3.) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to > act like soap opera guys. > 4.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to > answer. > 5.) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we > can find the perfect present yet again! > 6.) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you > don't want to hear. > 7.) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us > what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as > navel lint, or the shotgun formation. > 8.) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. > Let it be. > 9.) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that > way. > 10.) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. > Really. > 11.) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. > 12.) Crying is blackmail. > 13.) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't > work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say > it! > 14.) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on > the calendar. > 15.) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. > 16.) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any > good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your > dress? > 17.) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. > 18.) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's > what we do. > 19.) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. > 20.) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. > 21.) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or > some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway. > 22.) Check your oil. > 23.) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz > together. > 24.) No, it doesn't matter which quiz. > 25.) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All > comments become null and void after 7 days. > 26.) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways > makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. > 27.) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. > 28.) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, > but not both. > 29.) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during > commercials. > 30.) If it itches, it will be scratched. > 31.) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. > 32.) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like > nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. > > Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch > tonight but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping! > > >
