Hi, Saying from my personal experience, the only thing we need for convincing is independence.
On 2/7/17, P. Subramani <subramani6...@gmail.com> wrote: > another aspect for discouraging marriage between 2 disabled persons is > more to do with genetics, the chances of having offsprings with disabilities > > is quite high, although close-relation marriages are also the causes of > offspring with disabilities. In my experience, less than one percent of > such couples lead an independent life without depending on others for > cooking, household work, etc. I do feel some strong reactions would be > expected to my mail, but lets not be hypocratical, most blind/disabled > have non-disabled partner. > E-Mail: subramani6...@gmail.com > Mob: 9738150192 > Facebook: facebook.com/subu.subramani.16 > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Dinesh Kaushal" <dineshkaus...@hotmail.com> > To: "AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning > > the disabled." <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 2:42 PM > Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners > > >> Well, independent living skills and attitudes are interrelated. >> >> Family members would be opposed due to 2 factors. 1. Due to genuine >> concern that whether a couple with same disability would be able to manage >> >> or not. 2. Due to another valid concern that a disabled couple might start >> >> depending on them for their daily needs. >> >> Unless people with disabilities become independent, they cannot hope to be >> >> able to make decisions for their life. Well, there is another problem >> which I cannot address here, that Indian parents often do not allow their >> >> children to make their decision anyways. >> >> The most important skill is mobility skill. For example, it is not >> blindness that prevents blind persons to be able to independently move >> around, but it is lack of training in mobility and orientation skills. >> During my student life, my parents didn't allow me to travel alone, but >> that limited my skill development in independent living. Once I realized >> it is not going to work out, I had to insist that I will travel alone. If >> >> I didn't take that step, later my parents would have thought that I would >> >> not able to manage on my own. I have seen too many examples of blind >> persons depending on others for mobility. It is ok to ask for directions >> or assistance for new places, but if you need assistance for the same >> place for years or months, then you need to think whether you have made >> enough effort to become independent. It is important to note that we often >> >> ask what society does for us without pausing to reflect how much we limit >> >> ourselves without challenging our own limitations. While I am on the topic >> >> of independent mobility I would also caution reckless behavior. For >> example trying to cross a busy road might not be a wise idea. Often I had >> >> to wait for 10 or 15 minutes near my college as the traffic was too >> heavy. >> >> Another very important skill is how to seek help. For new places, you >> cannot always go with someone whom you trust. So it is important that you >> >> feel ok to ask for help. It is also important to have confidence that you >> >> will manage when you face the problem. I remember when I started to travel >> >> independently, I tried to think all possible problems that I would face. >> But this paralyzed me and I would avoid to go out. but when I decided to >> take things as they come, I felt easy to start and after solving some >> challenges I got more confidence that I can travel alone. >> >> I still face challenges, but they are no longer a significant one to >> prevent me in dealing with daily life issues. >> >> I can't say too much about cooking as my skills are limited to heating up >> >> food and occasionally making things such as Maggie. But I know my friends >> >> Payal Kapoor, Veena Mehta and Pranay Gadodia, and my wife Madhu Bala >> Sharma who are able to cook as good as any sighted person. So I can >> conclude that cooking is not a problem of blindness, though it could be a >> >> good excuse if you don't want to do it. >> >> If you can afford, cooking can also be managed by hiring someone to do it >> >> for you. >> >> At the end if you can demonstrate that you can manage with or without paid >> >> or unpaid help, your family members would trust you. While we are on the >> issue of help, remember you need to have broad set of people whom you can >> >> depend for help. Like you, everyone else also has their own life so don't >> >> expect people to help you all the time. >> >> At the end, action speaks louder than words, so if you can demonstrate >> that you can live independently, you have better chance of convincing your >> >> parents. >> >> >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On >> Behalf Of avinash shahi >> Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2017 11:10 AM >> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning >> >> the disabled. <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> >> Subject: Re: [AI] Marriage and issues of same disability partners >> >> Realistic solutions aminate from experience. Families will have to be >> convinced to accept the couple and things will be normal within weeks >> and months. One could take their parants to one's friends who are apt >> at living independently and cooking with their families. Remember, not >> only disability but caste, region and religion are still major >> barriers which cause tsunami in the love-life of consenting couples. >> Normally, No parants of blind people want them to marry a blind >> girl/boy, but we will have to convince them if we desire. Tensions >> might occur but things get settled as we choose the path. Parants >> should be convinced that its me who is gonna spend life with my >> partner not you. So continue to shower blessings and accept us. >> On 2/7/17, Amar Jain <amarj...@amarjain.com> wrote: >>> Hi All, >>> >>> I am sure some of you would have faced the issue of convincing either of >>> >>> the >>> family where parents just do not wish to consider a potential match >>> purely >>> because in their opinion, people with blindness are incapacitated to be >>> a >>> couple and independent living with family support is the only way out. >>> >>> Importantly, in such cases, skills like mobility, cooking etc are >>> absent. >>> While there are ways to address the issue of skill set, how does one >>> deal >>> with attitudinal barriers where parties are not open to hear and >>> understand >>> the ways and means adopted by other couples? >>> >>> Any realistic solutions are welcomed. >>> >>> Warmly, >>> Amar Jain >>> >>> Sent from my iPhone >>> >>> >>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>> of >>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Disclaimer: >>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >>> >>> the >>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >>> >>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>> mails >>> sent through this mailing list.. >>> >> >> >> -- >> Avinash Shahi >> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU >> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of >> >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails >> >> sent through this mailing list.. >> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of >> >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails >> >> sent through this mailing list.. > > > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > -- Ajay Minocha Mob : +91-9584076767 E mail : ajayminoc...@gmail.com p13aj...@iimidr.ac.in Skype: ajayminocha2 Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
