great thought subramani sir. On 2/1/14, jignesh thakur <jigneshthaku...@gmail.com> wrote: > yes romance has nothing to do with disability. but points of sucharu > sir and ishita madam are also logical. > > On 1/31/14, Subramani L <lsubramani.v...@gmail.com> wrote: >> Dear Ms. Preeti and others: >> >> While it is nice and fine to have a successful married life, factors >> such as what is the extent of an individual's contribution to the >> relationship, how far one could make the partnership work etc are >> important. Relationships do not take off or completely break down when >> we as partners fail to interest the other person any longer or, >> possibly don't try to show how interesting we can be. Today's boys and >> girls are intellectually so well advanced that compatibility at the >> mind level is equally important than physical attraction or disability >> or lack of same. >> >> Having seen the able-disabled combination a bit myself and had a few >> burns, I can tell you that it makes two to tango in a relationship. If >> someone calls you blind, then turn off the light and challenge the >> other person to deal with darkness. Demand respect if it is not given, >> at the same time work hard to deserve respect. This works with all >> kinds of relationship, especially in able-disabled romantic >> entanglement. The problem is we always feel "grateful" to an able >> bodied partner and will compromise our self respect to the extent that >> they consider us as push overs. This is not to question any well >> functioning relationships, but this is quite a factor in >> malfunctioning romantic entanglements. >> >> In short, if you are aiming to romantically involved with someone, >> ensure there are clear lines drawn so that there is space for both. >> Ok. I hand over the comb which I acquired probably too late having >> lost my hair (smily). >> >> Subramani >> >> >> >> >> >> On 1/30/14, Preeti Monga <preeti.mo...@silver-linings.co.in> wrote: >>> You have to work towards making your own life a success storyl. It is >>> hard >>> work and still is hard work! But it always pays! Life is a compromise if >>> you >>> make it, and there are people who are living life on their own terms! >>> And >>> all this is our own choice and how we think. Remember thoughts always >>> become >>> things! Whatever you want to believe, will be your truth and you will >>> find >>> various examples to prove the same. >>> >>> So why not think of finding good life partners? Instead of looking >>> for >>> disabled and not disabled spouces >>> >>> Life will always become what you make of it. >>> Preeti >>> Preeti Monga >>> Director >>> >>> >>> >>> Mobile: +91 9871701646 >>> Landline: 011 22781446 >>> E-mail: preeti.mo...@silver-linings.co.in >>> Website: www.silver-linings.co.in ; www.silver-linings.org >>> Our Services: Executive Search - Specializing in Head Hunting. Training >>> -Motivation; Stress Management; Soft Skill; Behavioral. Gifting - >>> Corporate >>> ; Promotional; Events. End to end CSR Advisory; including demystifying >>> workshops and counseling. Printing Solutions, Incentive Travel and >>> Marketing Data Mining / Refining.. >>> >>> We assure high quality service marked with excellence and complete >>> customer centricity, forming Synergies as we go along. >>> >>> >>> >>> -----Original Message----- >>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On >>> Behalf >>> Of ishita kapoor >>> Sent: Thursday, January 30, 2014 3:42 PM >>> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues >>> concerning >>> the disabled. >>> Subject: Re: [AI] A Must Read: Why Should Disability Spell the End of >>> Romance? >>> >>> madam you are right. >>> But at the same time I can present many examples from different >>> mailing lists supporting my point of view. >>> My simple belief is generally a non disable person marries a disable >>> person just because he or she doesn't get able bodied life partner. >>> Or to get extra family income. >>> I admit that there are few success stories like yours. But most >>> marriages between disable and non disable are simply marriage of >>> compromise from both the side. >>> >>> >>> On 1/30/14, Preeti Monga <preeti.mo...@silver-linings.co.in> wrote: >>>> Dear Ishita, and also Sucharu >>>> >>>> Interestingly how do we know equal and not equal? No one person in the >>>> world >>>> is equal to anyone! So what do we do? And no one must force non >>>> disabled >>>> people to marry disabled persons. And how do you know that all non >>>> disabled >>>> people are good and will end up being good husbands? Or wives for that >>>> matter! >>>> The idea is to find a life partner who is suitable to you and with whom >>> you >>>> wish to be friends forever! I married twice, and both times to non >>>> disabled >>>> men. My first husband was perfectly useless and horrible! I just simply >>>> left >>>> him and came back to my parents and and the second time, my husband >>>> is >>>> fantastic! So it is who you marry, Disability is by the way! >>>> Preeti Monga >>>> Director >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Mobile: +91 9871701646 >>>> Landline: 011 22781446 >>>> E-mail: preeti.mo...@silver-linings.co.in >>>> Website: www.silver-linings.co.in ; www.silver-linings.org >>>> Our Services: Executive Search - Specializing in Head Hunting. Training >>>> -Motivation; Stress Management; Soft Skill; Behavioral. Gifting - >>> Corporate >>>> ; Promotional; Events. End to end CSR Advisory; including demystifying >>>> workshops and counseling. Printing Solutions, Incentive Travel and >>>> Marketing Data Mining / Refining.. >>>> >>>> We assure high quality service marked with excellence and complete >>>> customer centricity, forming Synergies as we go along. >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> -----Original Message----- >>>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On >>> Behalf >>>> Of ishita kapoor >>>> Sent: Thursday, January 30, 2014 1:16 PM >>>> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues >>>> concerning >>>> the disabled. >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] A Must Read: Why Should Disability Spell the End of >>>> Romance? >>>> >>>> Very thought provoking article. >>>> Though I strongly believe that we can't rather shouldn't force able >>>> bodied person to accept us. >>>> When I was sighted I never fancied a blind boy. Now how can I demand >>>> from sighted person to accept me? >>>> Love and marriage happens in equal group. Romance between disable and >>>> non disable is only poetic idea in my view. >>>> How many blind parents are there on the list? Do they allow their >>>> sighted son to marry a disable girl? >>>> The answer is obviously no. >>>> By reading many mails on different lists i have learnt that if you are >>>> earning well then any able bodied girl or boy will accept you as a >>>> security. >>>> >>>> >>>> On 1/30/14, Sucharu Gupta <sucharugupta1...@gmail.com> wrote: >>>>> Hi friends, >>>>> I would like to share my opinion about the article without hurting the >>>>> feelings of anybody .it is just what I feel: >>>>> in humans the relationships bloom between the equal persons .this is >>>>> quite >>>>> natural.the equality is measured by various parameters like appearance >>>>> and >>>>> personality,,socioeconomic factors,,family background and many >>>>> more.this >>>> is >>>>> the way our brain works irrespective of being abled or disabled.even >>>>> in >>>>> animals some factors determine the potentiality of one to find the >>>>> mating >>>>> partners.isn't it quite natural and not learntbehaviour? >>>>> >>>>> I never had a crush on any differently abled man when I was sighted so >>>>> I >>>>> have no right to take this social behaviour as prejudice,. >>>>> >>>>> Moreover in the depths of our heart we ourselves feel a abled bodied >>>> person >>>>> more desirable. >>>>> We should not sympathize ourselves and live in the ground >>>> realities.regards >>>>> sucharu >>>>> -----Original Message----- >>>>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On >>>> Behalf >>>>> Of Himanshu Sahu >>>>> Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 7:08 AM >>>>> To: AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues >>>>> concerning >>>>> the disabled. >>>>> Subject: Re: [AI] A Must Read: Why Should Disability Spell the End of >>>>> Romance? >>>>> >>>>> A tremendous piece of writing unravelling a variety of shades of >>>>> emotions >>>>> and experiences which die in the hearts of many differently ables, >>>>> unspoken! >>>>> This is what makes me always appriciate Nidhi. Her livelyness, >>>>> sensitivity >>>>> and perception of disability really brings a cheer while interacting >>>>> with >>>>> her... >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> On 1/29/14, Shiv <shivrah...@gmail.com> wrote: >>>>>> Here is the full article: >>>>>> >>>>>> Source: >>>>>> http://in.news.yahoo.com/why-should-disability-spell-the-end-of-romanc >>>>>> e-055837779.html# >>>>>> >>>>>> Why Should Disability Spell the End of Romance? >>>>>> Flirting. Heartbreak. Clumsy first dates. Matrimonial sites. Studying >>>>>> for three degrees. Salsa classes. The coming-of-age story of a young >>>>>> woman who began losing her eyesight at 15. >>>>>> By Nidhi Goyal | Grist Media - 6 hours ago >>>>>> >>>>>> The wheelchair Kamasutra: Image courtesy Streetsie.com as seen on >>>>>> sexualityanddisability.orgLike most Indian urban teenage girls, my >>>>>> love life >>>>>> >>>>>> revolved around the stars of Bollywood. I had countless celebrity >>>>>> crushes growing up. The one I remember the most was Abhishek >>>>>> Bachchan, >>>>>> who I was 100 >>>>>> >>>>>> percent sure I was going to marry. >>>>>> >>>>>> When I was an undergraduate student working towards my B.Com Degree >>>>>> at >>>>>> Narsee Monjee College of Commerce and Economics in my hometown of >>>>>> Mumbai, it >>>>>> >>>>>> turned out that college was only five minutes away from Abhishek's >>>>>> house. >>>>>> Which meant, of course, that passing by his house became a morning >>>>>> ritual for me and another Bachchan-crazy friend of mine. In the way >>>>>> that some people go to temples, we went to Jalsa - abode of the >>>>>> Bachchans - and pestered the security personnel to tell us the timing >>>>>> of his coming and goings. To the dismay of the guards, we once even >>>>> followed his car. >>>>>> >>>>>> When I was 15, I was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa, a >>>>>> degenerative eye >>>>>> >>>>>> disorder. By the time I was in college and my love for Abhishek was >>>>>> in >>>>>> full >>>>>> >>>>>> swing, so was the loss of my eyesight. As I dropped off cards on his >>>>>> birthday and wrote him love poems, my ability to see was steadily >>>>> declining. >>>>>> >>>>>> Of course, this made little difference to my love for Abhishek, who I >>>>>> had only managed to speak to about twice: instances where all I could >>>>>> splutter out was a request for an autograph. But when it came to the >>>>>> less tongue-tied, non-celebrity crushes on classmates and friends, my >>>>>> eyesight began to make all the difference. >>>>>> The writer Nidhi Goyal. Photo credit: Nidhi Goyal Teenage crushes >>>>>> are, >>>>>> by and large, a cause of anxiety. You spend days pondering over what >>>>>> to wear so he notices you, how you can stop him from spotting that >>>>>> new >>>>>> splotch of acne on your face, and why oh why is he always >>>>>> >>>>>> talking to the girl with that L'Oreal-ad-type hair? For me, it was a >>>>>> wholly >>>>>> >>>>>> different ball game. When you can't see, all social interactions >>>>>> become more >>>>>> >>>>>> difficult. Imagine trying to distinguish between the one hundred >>>>>> different voices of your classmates. Of never fully knowing whether >>>>>> someone is smiling >>>>>> >>>>>> at you or not. Of not realising you are standing next to the boy of >>>>>> your dreams. >>>>>> >>>>>> Until I lost my eyesight, I never realised just how many aspects of >>>>>> romance >>>>>> >>>>>> begin with vision. You look at someone, you make eye contact, and - >>>>>> as >>>>>> the story goes - sparks begin to fly. I, however, needed to discover >>>>>> new ways to >>>>>> >>>>>> make sparks. As a teenager, it was so frustrating for me to listen to >>>>>> a guy >>>>>> >>>>>> with a nice voice and not know what his face looked like. Was he >>>>>> looking at >>>>>> >>>>>> me? How was he looking at me? I constantly had an added layer of >>>>>> anxiety when I was trying to navigate my attractions and crushes. >>>>>> >>>>>> As a sighted person (what people who are visually impaired call >>>>>> people >>>>>> who have their sight), for example, if you notice the object of your >>>>>> affection standing at one end of the hallway, you can always find an >>>>>> excuse to stroll >>>>>> >>>>>> past them. But I was missing out on all these small opportunities; >>>>>> small opportunities that eventually made a big difference. >>>>>> Thankfully, >>>>>> I had a group of fantastic girl friends who were determined to get my >>>>>> sparks up and >>>>>> >>>>>> sparking! They would make an effort to guide me in the direction of >>>>>> my >>>>>> latest crush (both with and without telling me beforehand), and then >>>>>> when we >>>>>> >>>>>> approached him they would tap me and say, 'Hey Nidhi, isn't that your >>>>>> friend?' By this time, most people knew I had almost completely lost >>>>>> my sight, and the guy would be compelled to acknowledge my presence. >>>>>> >>>>>> I always wondered how much of that recognition was desire and how >>>>>> much >>>>>> was simply obligation. >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> * * * >>>>>> >>>>>> The idea of people with disabilities as asexual beings who have no >>>>>> need for >>>>>> >>>>>> love, sex or romantic relationships is ridiculous. However, it is one >>>>>> that has a stronghold in most people's minds. As I grew into my 20s, >>>>>> the absurd anecdotes of me trying to bump into my crushes in college >>>>>> hallways developed >>>>>> >>>>>> into the more serious recognition that because I was blind, I was >>>>>> very >>>>>> rarely seen as a potential candidate for a relationship, or even a >>>>>> date. I remember a male friend of mine from a very conservative, >>>>>> traditional family, >>>>>> >>>>>> who was explicitly forbidden from inviting any of his women friends >>>>>> home. He >>>>>> >>>>>> told me on the phone one day that his mother had cooked a delicious >>>>>> vegetarian dish, and in response, I joked that I would love to come >>>>>> over and >>>>>> >>>>>> try it. He replied with, "Yes, sure. You are always welcome." I was >>>>>> shocked, >>>>>> >>>>>> then I realised what had happened. I was a woman with a disability >>>>>> who >>>>>> would >>>>>> >>>>>> never be a prospective candidate, so I didn't, in his family's mind >>>>>> (or in his, for that matter) count as a 'woman'. >>>>>> >>>>>> It wasn't a malicious act - my friends love and support me a great >>>>>> deal. But >>>>>> >>>>>> it's ingrained so deeply in people's mind-sets that disability and >>>>>> sexuality >>>>>> >>>>>> don't intersect that it reflects in their behaviour, even if >>>>> unconsciously. >>>>>> >>>>>> People throw around words like "normal", instead of "nondisabled", >>>>>> without thinking twice about it. Others feel like they need to offer >>>>>> pity and charity, because they assume that people with disabilities >>>>>> can't support themselves. I think before we even get to the idea of >>>>>> dating, we need to break down these barriers in people's minds. One >>>>>> thing that's done frequently by the international disabled community >>>>>> is to refer to nondisabled people as "temporarily able-bodied >>>>>> people", >>>>>> or TABs. I love this >>>>>> >>>>>> construction, because it serves as a reminder to nondisabled people >>>>>> that disability is not something 'other' or alien, and that most >>>>>> probably, at some point in everyone's life, they will live with >>>>> impairment. >>>>>> The writer on holiday. Photo credit: Nidhi Goyal When it comes to >>>>>> relationships in India, the ultimate tension, worry and goal is >>>>>> almost >>>>>> always marriage. And because one individual's marriage - or its >>>>>> absence - is often seen as a family or community concern, there was >>>>>> no >>>>>> dearth of opinions when it came to the question of "marrying off" a >>>>>> blind girl. I remember when I was 14 or 15 and my disability was >>>>>> first >>>>> diagnosed: >>>>>> >>>>>> one of my father's close friends advised him to hide my disability >>>>>> while they could and get me married by the time I was 18. The >>>>>> assumption, of course, was that once I had fully lost my sight, no >>>>>> one >>>>>> would want me. My older brother, who also has a disability, was once >>>>>> advised by a family friend that he could "marry someone from a slum". >>>>>> This is not to imply that >>>>>> >>>>>> someone from a slum is somehow worth less, but it's telling of >>>>>> mind-sets when people place the disabled alongside the economically >>>>> marginalised. >>>>>> Society views the two groups in the same category: not good enough. >>>>>> I'm fortunate to have parents who are really open-minded, and who >>>>>> have >>>>>> never forced my brother or me into a relationship. But not everyone >>>>>> is >>>>> that lucky. >>>>>> >>>>>> Instances of people with disabilities, and in particular women, >>>>>> hiding >>>>>> their >>>>>> >>>>>> impairment or having to compensate for it with large dowries, are a >>>>>> frequent >>>>>> >>>>>> occurrence even today. >>>>>> >>>>>> It's not that I've ruled out the idea of marriage; I just want to do >>>>>> it on my own terms. Two years ago, I set up a profile up on >>>>>> Shaadi.com. A nondisabled friend and I would often browse through the >>>>>> site together looking for prospective grooms. But I quickly learned >>>>>> that if I - as a woman with a disability - expressed interest in a >>>>>> nondisabled man, it was not received well, and was sometimes even >>>>>> seen >>>>>> as offensive. However, in the >>>>>> >>>>>> six months that I had my profile up, I received about a dozen calls >>>>>> expressing interest in me. Now on the surface, this shouldn't be >>>>> surprising. >>>>>> >>>>>> I have a smacking profile as far as the tick marks go: I have three >>>>>> degrees, >>>>>> >>>>>> a 'good' family background, and a ton of interesting hobbies and >>>>>> talents. >>>>>> But what all the interested callers had failed to notice was my >>>>> disability. >>>>>> >>>>>> Oh, and in case you were wondering, there was a whole paragraph >>>>>> dedicated to >>>>>> >>>>>> my impairment on my profile. >>>>>> >>>>>> I remember this one educated, progressive man who called to say I'd >>>>>> be >>>>>> perfect for his son, but from what he was saying, I guessed he hadn't >>>>>> read about my disability. I clarified this with him because it had >>>>>> happened too many times by then. He paused. People generally go into >>>>>> shock, because they >>>>>> >>>>>> don't believe that someone who's disabled will even be on the >>>>>> website. >>>>>> They >>>>>> >>>>>> can't connect the picture they've conjured up of the well-educated, >>>>>> outgoing >>>>>> >>>>>> girl from the profile with someone who's also visually impaired. So >>>>>> after a >>>>>> >>>>>> few moments of silence, the man said, "Really?" So I repeated myself: >>>>>> "Yes, >>>>>> >>>>>> I can't see. I'm blind. Is that okay?" He said, "No, no, beta, I >>>>>> think >>>>>> uh.ya.good luck," before he hung up. >>>>>> >>>>>> But it wasn't just men on the Internet who thought I didn't deserve >>>>>> any better. I remember once my sighted woman friend and I chanced >>>>>> upon >>>>>> a profile >>>>>> >>>>>> of a man who didn't seem particularly special: his education was very >>>>>> basic >>>>>> >>>>>> and I earned far more than him. I was shocked and hurt when my >>>>>> friend, >>>>>> who is from a socioeconomic background similar to mine, said she >>>>>> wasn't interested, but that I should definitely consider him. This >>>>>> was >>>>>> while she, on the hand, was looking at men who earned six times her >>>>> income. >>>>>> >>>>>> When it comes to disabled people getting into relationships, the >>>>>> argument that "beggars can't be choosers" is often used. In a country >>>>>> like India, where all women are devalued in comparison with their >>>>>> male >>>>>> counterparts, women with disabilities are seen as existing on the >>>>>> lowest rung - or on the >>>>>> >>>>>> cheapest shelf - of the marriage market. While it is not uncommon for >>>>>> disabled men to find nondisabled wives, disabled women are told they >>>>>> should >>>>>> >>>>>> feel lucky if they get anyone at all. Not to mention having to find >>>>>> ways, monetary or otherwise, to compensate for their impairments. >>>>>> Through my various exploits on Shaadi.com and looking at the kind of >>>>>> men who'd be "willing" to "take me", this thought in my head was >>>>>> always >>>>> crystal clear: >>>>>> I'm >>>>>> no beggar, and even though I'm disabled, I'm not going to marry just >>>>>> anyone. >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> * * * >>>>>> >>>>>> A real shifting point in my understanding of how the sexuality of >>>>>> disabled people is perceived by society came in 2011 when I joined >>>>>> Point of View, a media-based women's rights platform in Mumbai. At >>>>>> the >>>>>> time, Point of View, together with feminist organisation CREA, was >>>>>> working on an initiative that >>>>>> >>>>>> was right up my street - they were creating the first ever online >>>>>> resource on sexuality and disability. The timing was perfect. I had >>>>>> wanted to work with women with disabilities for a while now, and >>>>>> co-authoring the website Sexuality and Disability was the perfect way >>>>>> to >>>>> do it. >>>>>> >>>>>> I threw myself into the project because it reflected the realities of >>>>>> my >>>>>> life: I understand women and I understand disability. As someone who >>>>>> acquired a disability, I understand what it's like to be disabled and >>>>>> nondisabled; where the two clash and where they overlap. Women with >>>>>> disabilities in particular have a layered experience; I've found that >>>>>> neither disability rights groups nor women's rights groups fully >>>>>> understand >>>>>> >>>>>> the intersection of the two. >>>>>> >>>>>> Through my own life experiences, I already knew about the societal >>>>>> prejudices that existed around disability. However, during my work at >>>>>> Point >>>>>> >>>>>> of View, I realised that I, myself, had internalised some of those >>>>>> prejudices. Before joining the project, I always had a sense that if >>>>>> I >>>>>> ever >>>>>> >>>>>> entered a relationship with a nondisabled man, the relationship would >>>>>> be somewhat unequal because of my disability. But after meeting so >>>>>> many women with disabilities, and seeing how they deal with their >>>>>> lives, this idea began to change. I realised that in a relationship, >>>>>> a >>>>>> wheelchair or a white >>>>>> >>>>>> cane is not the only thing you bring to the equation. You bring your >>>>>> personality, your quirks, your stories - and all those are a lot more >>>>>> important. Working on the website and meeting these women allowed me >>>>>> to understand that when I enter a relationship, the fact that I >>>>>> sometimes need >>>>>> >>>>>> a little help will not make the relationship unequal. >>>>>> >>>>>> While working on the website, something else I realised was that >>>>>> oftentimes, >>>>>> >>>>>> people with disabilities had barely had any interactions with people >>>>>> of the >>>>>> >>>>>> gender they were attracted to. During this time, I'd befriend people >>>>>> with disabilities, and go out with them for coffees or a lunch to get >>>>>> to know them better. And I remember this one visually impaired guy in >>>>>> whose level of >>>>>> >>>>>> confidence I noticed a huge change over the time that I knew him. So >>>>>> I >>>>>> asked >>>>>> >>>>>> him once, "Listen, what's changed?" And he said, "You know, before >>>>>> you, I don't think any woman - forget for dating - even wanted to go >>>>>> for a coffee with me." He had never gotten the opportunity to just >>>>>> hang out with a woman >>>>>> >>>>>> before. And the fact that I went out with him, even as friends, >>>>>> brought about this change. It's incredible just how much regular >>>>>> socializing disabled people miss out on, and how the smallest thing >>>>>> can make the biggest >>>>>> >>>>>> difference. >>>>>> >>>>>> I've had strange conversations with nondisabled friends, though. >>>>>> Around the >>>>>> >>>>>> time I was working on the Sexuality and Disability website, a very >>>>>> educated >>>>>> >>>>>> friend asked me what I was up to, and I explained I was involved with >>>>>> a website looking at how people with disabilities were not asexual >>>>>> beings, and >>>>>> >>>>>> had the right to be in a relationship. I was stunned by his response, >>>>>> which >>>>>> >>>>>> was: "Oh, so now you are going to force us to have relationships with >>>>>> disabled women?" >>>>>> >>>>>> Most people still really don't get it. >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> * * * >>>>>> >>>>>> Remember all those movies that you were convinced were going to be >>>>>> the >>>>>> story >>>>>> >>>>>> of your life? Was it You've Got Mail? Kuch Kuch Hota Hai? Or even the >>>>>> glamorous life of a Disney princess? When we fall in love, we often >>>>>> use the >>>>>> >>>>>> scripts we find in popular culture to guide us, whether we are >>>>>> conscious of >>>>>> >>>>>> it or not. But disability tends to be invisible in pop culture. Think >>>>>> about >>>>>> >>>>>> it. How many films have you seen that featured a disabled romance? >>>>>> How >>>>>> many >>>>>> >>>>>> blind actresses doing salsa (which is a hobby of mine)? How many >>>>>> heroes in wheelchairs swivelling around to a song like Dhinka Chika? >>>>>> When we do see people with disabilities onscreen, they're largely >>>>>> portrayed as people who need caregivers or pity. For example, Sanjay >>>>>> Leela Bhansali's Mann starring >>>>>> >>>>>> Manisha Koirala and Aamir Khan has the female protagonist meet with >>>>>> an >>>>>> accident, and she ends her romance with Aamir's character because she >>>>>> feels >>>>>> >>>>>> as a disabled person, she isn't good enough for him any more. In the >>>>>> end, there's a teary reunion and he accepts her in spite of her >>>>> disability. >>>>>> Aamir's >>>>>> character is exalted for this, while Manisha's character is not seen >>>>>> as an equal in this relationship at all. Why must nondisabled people >>>>>> who >>>>> 'accept' >>>>>> >>>>>> people with disabilities be glorified? >>>>>> >>>>>> With these questions swirling in my mind and no pop culture >>>>>> precedents >>>>>> that >>>>>> >>>>>> teach a blind woman how to love, or even date, a nondisabled man, I'm >>>>>> constantly reinventing my own ideas of romance. For example, what >>>>>> should I be doing to make myself attractive to a man? To figure this >>>>>> out, I put this >>>>>> >>>>>> question to my visually impaired male friends, who told me that >>>>>> attraction could spark from the simplest of things: a girl's perfume, >>>>>> the smile in her >>>>>> >>>>>> voice, or just the way she shook hands. And then it occurred to me >>>>>> that they >>>>>> >>>>>> were no different from other men who might have a particular type or >>>>>> prefer >>>>>> >>>>>> a certain look. With disability in the picture, you just have to be >>>>>> creative. And in my opinion, the onus of creativity doesn't need to >>>>>> always fall on the disabled person! >>>>>> >>>>>> Like in any dating saga, there are always some funny, some sweet, and >>>>>> some utterly bizarre moments. The disabled dating world is not always >>>>>> that different. I recall a hilarious story involving two visually >>>>>> impaired friends of mine, who had gone on a date to a fancy Mumbai >>>>>> restaurant at which you could smoke hookahs. It was their first date, >>>>>> and at the restaurant, they shifted tables three times to find a spot >>>>>> that was cosy and >>>>>> >>>>>> private. They were happy, chatting, and holding hands. The world >>>>>> around them >>>>>> >>>>>> soon melted away. When the hookah's coals had to be stirred or the >>>>>> flavour replenished, they didn't have to give it a thought: a waiter >>>>>> would simply materialize at the right time and take care of it. >>>>>> >>>>>> After several visits to their table, the chatty waiter who had been >>>>>> attending to them began to make forays into their private universe, >>>>>> and attempted to join the conversation. And at some point in the >>>>>> night, when the >>>>>> >>>>>> boy asked him to keep a look out because they'd be ready to order >>>>>> their dinner in 5 minutes, the waiter said, to their intense >>>>>> embarrassment, "Aap chinta mat kariye, main door tab se aap hi ko >>>>>> dekh >>>>>> raha hoon (You don't have >>>>>> >>>>>> to worry, I've been watching you from afar for a long time)." The >>>>>> romance of >>>>>> >>>>>> the evening was effectively shattered. >>>>>> >>>>>> Or take this sighted woman friend of mine, who told me a story that >>>>>> really made me pause with wonder. She was on a date with a visually >>>>>> impaired man who was holding her hand and said to her, "Nice nail >>>>>> paint, but you could have used a coloured one." And she gasped and >>>>>> asked, "How the hell did you know?" - because it was true, she was >>>>>> wearing a transparent coat of nail polish. He responded by telling >>>>>> her >>>>>> it was possible to distinguish the two by feeling the density; if the >>>>>> paint felt thicker, it was coloured. Just like my friend, I was >>>>>> amazed >>>>>> at this small moment in a new romance that showed just how >>>>>> wonderfully >>>>> creative dating can be. >>>>>> >>>>>> I'm sure that like me and my friends, people across the world with >>>>>> disabilities navigate relationships and love in tons of interesting, >>>>>> unique >>>>>> >>>>>> ways. The problem is that because mainstream popular culture tends to >>>>>> be run >>>>>> >>>>>> by able-bodied individuals, we hardly get to hear about these >>>>>> romances. And >>>>>> >>>>>> as a result, both disabled and nondisabled people end up believing >>>>>> that the >>>>>> >>>>>> only way love happens is between two able bodied, typically >>>>>> heterosexual, individuals. And worse, society then stigmatizes people >>>>>> who don't fit into those boxes. >>>>>> >>>>>> Love, sex and romantic relationships are for everyone, whether or not >>>>>> you have a disability. It's really high time people started accepting >>>>> that. >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> * * * >>>>>> >>>>>> Today, I've left my dreams of Abhishek far behind. I'm 28 years old, >>>>>> and studying at the London School of Economics for a Master's Degree >>>>>> in Development Studies. I want to look at issues of disability and >>>>>> see >>>>>> how they >>>>>> >>>>>> fit into a wider context of global development. Sadly, most >>>>>> Development Studies programmes still don't offer a disability >>>>>> component. But I'm persevering in trying to find a way to incorporate >>>>>> my own understanding of disability into the sorts of work we are >>>>>> doing >>>>>> at the university. It's exciting and fulfilling, and my earlier >>>>>> determination to find a husband - preferably from the ilk of >>>>>> Bollywood >>>>>> - >>>>> is a thing of the past. >>>>>> >>>>>> Having worked on the issue of sexuality and disability for some time >>>>>> now, I >>>>>> >>>>>> often get asked whether things are different here in London. Do the >>>>>> prejudices and barriers that I encountered so frequently in India >>>>>> exist in a >>>>>> >>>>>> developed country? First off, issues of access are far, far better. I >>>>>> can walk unaided on the roads, and use services like the university's >>>>>> Disability >>>>>> >>>>>> Support Office for any extra needs I may have. There are plenty of >>>>>> attempts >>>>>> >>>>>> to level the playing field in terms of infrastructure, and that makes >>>>>> my life a whole lot easier. But what about dating and relationships? >>>>>> >>>>>> I have met with several disability rights groups and activists during >>>>>> my time here, and it would seem that the scenario across oceans is >>>>>> not >>>>>> all that >>>>>> >>>>>> different. Janet Price, an activist I have worked with who is herself >>>>>> in a wheelchair, says when it comes to relationships or personal >>>>>> spaces, there's >>>>>> >>>>>> still a wide gap in the UK. She believes that the connection between >>>>>> disability and sexuality, even in a country as 'advanced' this, still >>>>>> needs >>>>>> >>>>>> to be made. >>>>>> >>>>>> And as for me, having been here for barely six months, I can't really >>>>>> speak >>>>>> >>>>>> for myself - between adjusting to my new life and heaps of >>>>>> coursework, >>>>>> I haven't been on any dates! But what I have recently begun to >>>>>> realise >>>>>> is that >>>>>> >>>>>> because I forge connections with people differently, my friendly >>>>>> actions can >>>>>> >>>>>> often be construed for something quite different. Take meeting people >>>>>> on campus. If I was a sighted person, I would be able to casually >>>>>> bump >>>>>> into acquaintances when I saw them and strike up a conversation. >>>>>> Since >>>>>> I don't have this option, and it's difficult to remember someone's >>>>>> voice after one interaction, when I meet someone new I often exchange >>>>>> numbers with them. So >>>>>> >>>>>> this one time, I was at a campus networking event and I met a man at >>>>>> the end >>>>>> >>>>>> of the evening in a cloakroom, where he helped me get my coat. We >>>>>> chatted for a while, and as we were getting ready to leave, he said, >>>>>> "See you around". And the question in my mind - how would I see him >>>>>> again - just popped out as I asked, "But when will I see you?" After >>>>>> a >>>>>> little laughter on >>>>>> >>>>>> both sides, we exchanged numbers. All this while, a friend of mine >>>>>> had >>>>>> been >>>>>> >>>>>> observing us from the sidelines, and as I went back to her, she gave >>>>>> me a knowing laugh. And I said, "What? I was just networking." And >>>>>> she >>>>>> replied, "Hey Nidhi, that's not called networking. That's called >>>>> flirting!" >>>>>> >>>>>> That was when I realised was that my simple way of keeping in touch, >>>>>> in the >>>>>> >>>>>> nondisabled world, was a way of hitting on someone! So in small ways >>>>>> like this, it does sometimes get a little confusing. But you know >>>>>> what? It's a fun confusion, and I like it. >>>>>> >>>>>> Nidhi Goyal is a disability rights activist and writer. She >>>>>> co-authored the >>>>>> >>>>>> website www.sexualityanddisability.org and is currently pursuing a >>>>>> Masters in Development Studies at the London School of Economics. >>>>>> >>>>>> Regards, >>>>>> >>>>>> Shiv >>>>>> ----- Original Message ----- >>>>>> From: "Amar Jain" <amarjain2...@gmail.com> >>>>>> To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> >>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, January 29, 2014 6:29 PM >>>>>> Subject: [AI] A Must Read: Why Should Disability Spell the End of >>>>>> Romance? >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Guys I haven't ever seen such a best expression of thoughts and >>>>>> emotions. >>>>>> >>>>>> Why Should Disability Spell the End of Romance? >>>>>> http://in.news.yahoo.com/why-should-disability-spell-the-end-of-romanc >>>>>> e-055837779.html >>>>>> Regards >>>>>> -- >>>>>> Amar Jain. >>>>>> Website: www.amarjain.com >>>>>> >>>>>> Time to meet up again! >>>>>> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing >>>>>> accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: >>>>>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_acc >>>>>> essindia.org.in >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>>>> >>>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>>> >>>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>>> please >>>>>> >>>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org >>>>>> .in >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Disclaimer: >>>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >>>>>> of the >>>>>> >>>>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >>>>>> veracity; >>>>>> >>>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>>>>> mails sent through this mailing list.. >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Time to meet up again! >>>>>> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing >>>>>> accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: >>>>>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_acc >>>>>> essindia.org.in >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>>>> >>>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>>> >>>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>>> please visit the list home page at >>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org >>>>>> .in >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Disclaimer: >>>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >>>>>> of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >>>>>> veracity; >>>>>> >>>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>>>>> mails sent through this mailing list.. >>>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> -- >>>>> Thanks and regards >>>>> Himanshu Sahu >>>>> Reach: 09051055000 >>>>> Skype: himanshu.cute4u >>>>> >>>>> Time to meet up again! >>>>> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing >>>>> accessibility >>>>> of >>>>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>>>> >>>> >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessind >>>>> ia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>>> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>> please >>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Disclaimer: >>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >>>>> of >>>>> the >>>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >>>>> veracity; >>>>> >>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>>>> mails >>>>> sent through this mailing list.. >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Time to meet up again! >>>>> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing >>>>> accessibility >>>>> of >>>>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>>>> >>>> >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessind >>>> ia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>>> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Disclaimer: >>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >>>>> of >>>> the >>>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >>>>> veracity; >>>>> >>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>>>> mails >>>>> sent through this mailing list.. >>>>> >>>> >>>> Time to meet up again! >>>> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>>> of >>>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>>> >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessind >>>> ia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> Disclaimer: >>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >>>> of >>>> the >>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >>>> veracity; >>>> >>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>>> mails >>>> sent through this mailing list.. >>>> >>>> >>>> Time to meet up again! >>>> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>>> of >>>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>>> >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessind >>> ia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> Disclaimer: >>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >>>> of >>> the >>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >>>> veracity; >>>> >>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>>> mails >>>> sent through this mailing list.. >>>> >>> >>> Time to meet up again! >>> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >>> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >>> >>> >>> >>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>> of >>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessind >>> ia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Disclaimer: >>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >>> the >>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >>> >>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>> mails >>> sent through this mailing list.. >>> >>> >>> Time to meet up again! >>> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >>> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >>> >>> >>> >>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>> of >>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Disclaimer: >>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >>> the >>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >>> >>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>> mails >>> sent through this mailing list.. >>> >> >> >> -- >> L. Subramani, >> Snr. Subeditor, >> Deccan Herald, >> Bangalore, >> M: 91-7204322451 >> >> Facebook: Subramani Lakshminarayanan >> >> Twitter: lsubramani60873 >> >> Linkedin: L. Subramani >> >> website: http://www.lsubramani.com >> >> If you are someone who need personal help to cope with blindness, a >> little friendly chat about things that bother you or just an ear to >> listen to your fears and frustrations, please don't hesitate to get in >> touch. I've been through that and I can help. Just leave your >> questions and if you don't want to give your name, that's fine. >> >> Are you an HR exec, a volunteer, a friend/relative of someone going >> through blindness or do you want to understand disability because it's >> part of something that you are working on?... Pl get in touch for >> volunteer help. >> >> Time to meet up again! >> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >> >> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >> of >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the >> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> mails >> sent through this mailing list.. >> > > Time to meet up again! > Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: > http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm > > > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. >
Time to meet up again! Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
