-----Original Message-----
From: Lakshminarayanan <[email protected]>
Sender: [email protected]
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 16:46:43
To: <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
Subject: [EnjoyTheMasti] Retired husband
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RETIRED HUSBANDAfter I retired, my wife insisted that
I accompany her on her trips to Target.Unfortunately, like most men, I
found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate,
my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.Yesterday my dear wife
received the following letter from the localTarget:Dear Mrs.
Harris,Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced
to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
Harris,
are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:1.
June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's
carts when they weren't looking.2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in
Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.3. July 7: He made a trail of
tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in
Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her
assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn
resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing
the
company money.5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&Ms on layaway.6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
sign to a carpeted area.7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children
obliged.8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were
called.9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
it as a mirror while he picked his nose.10. September 10: While handling
guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.12. October 6: In the auto
department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'14. October 21: When an announcement
came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'And last, but not least:15. October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very
loudly,
'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed
out.
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