On Mon, Aug 21, 2023 at 6:45 AM Katherina Walshe-Grey via agora-business < [email protected]> wrote:
> I register as a player named Kate with canonical email kate dot agora at > katherina dot rocks. > > I note for the benefit of relevant Recordkeepors, and also for general > awareness, that I previously played the Game under the name twg. I > request that Recordkeepors update their current and historical records > to reflect this change in name and email address, to the fullest extent > reasonably practicable. > > The remainder of this message is a self-indulgent ramble that contains > no game actions. > > --- > > Hi, everyone! It's been quite a while. > > I'm happy to see that Agora is still alive and well and largely > unchanged. I remember many of the people on the current list of players, > and I'd like to think that most of you remember me as well. > > I desperately regret how I disappeared from Agora back in 2020. I've > thought a lot about it in the years since; rarely does a month go by > when you don't all spring to mind at least once. I would like to offer > some kind of explanation for what happened. > > Agora was never the kind of place where we typically talked about things > like this openly (perhaps it is now, with the new Discord server?), but > the way I played back then was unhealthy for me and Agora and > contributed to underlying mental health problems. I would take on far > too many responsibilities, making myself indispensable, and then > inevitably they would make me stressed and I would fumble something, > sometimes earning me blots for Tardiness and always making me feel > ashamed - which then contributed to the stress, causing a vicious cycle. > This happened several times and hindered everyone else each time it did. > > Then the world changed, and everything became even harder. The future, > even the near future, became uncertain. I got stuck in an unpleasant > living situation. My (real-life) degree suffered. I just couldn't cope > with it all any more, and the easiest way to relieve the pressure was to > vanish completely without a word - not only from Agora, but from many > other spaces too. Taking the path of least resistance like that was an > immature thing to do and unfair on the people for whom it caused > problems and hurt, and no apology will ever be enough, but for what it's > worth: I am sorry. > > In the years since I left Agora, things have gradually improved for me. > I graduated, emigrated (sort of), and made a new life for myself. The > pandemic abated. I learned to manage my time and attention better and to > grant myself and others grace, patience and respect, and while > self-improvement is a neverending journey, I think I now have the skills > to avoid a repeat of what happened before. > > I've also learned a lot about my own identity... as, I see from the > names on the latest Registrar report, several of the rest of you have > done too. I don't think this is a coincidence; queer people already tend > to clump together, and Agora offers a set of conditions ripe for > cracking eggs. This community's idiosyncratic attitude to personal > pronouns and general disregard for gender helped open my mind to a wider > spectrum of identities than I'd previously imagined, and were certainly > influential in helping me to learn who I am. I wouldn't be the person I > am today without Agora, and I will always be grateful for that. > > I want to give particular thanks to Aspen. I don't expect you intended > to, but through your integrity as Promotor and your unflinching > commitment to equity and justice, you taught me so much about honesty > and fairness and respect and responsibility. That has always stayed with > me. At first, when I saw the current player list, I didn't connect you > to your new name and assumed you had left Agora, and I hope you will be > flattered to hear that it felt as if something special and valuable had > been lost and made me rather upset. I'm immensely relieved to have been > wrong. > > I have a lot of fond memories of Agora. Of trying to make the land > system work with Trigon, and becoming an accidental Luddite. Of the > humorously broken Space Battles eventually turning into competitive > conlanging. Of painstakingly logging officer salaries week after week as > Treasuror (a system I see you've wisely done away with). Of my essay on > the importance of scams in Agoran culture, which I was so surprised and > honoured to receive a patent title for. It was part of a scam itself, > appropriately, but I never got around to pulling it off! > > Of the great convergence when we discovered dependent actions had been > INEFFECTIVE for years; and of D. Margaux's ensuing inspired attempt at a > Paradox, which I foiled in the courts (CFJs 3722-3724; it's a great > story). Of finally completing two years of work by becoming one of the > few players ever to win by Renaissance. And, I'm sure, of many other > things that aren't springing to mind right now. > > All of which is to say: Agora, along with all of its denizens, was once > a huge part of my life. > > And if you'll have me, I would like it to be again. > > -Kate, Orator > I grant Kate a welcome package! (And gently remind them to join as a participant of the Birthday Tournament: TLDR: It's like Agora + Werewolf/Mafia/Salem) -- 4ˢᵗ Deputy Herald Uncertified Bad Idea Generator
