Thank you, everyone. Your responses are very insightful and informative. Alok, I agree with you that one has to strive to avoid either of those extremes. However, all these suggestions operate on the premise that the parent in question is reasonable and willing to change their views based on changing circumstances. I am afraid that is not always the case. Some parents cannot be reasoned with and offer you a choice between not doing something and doing it as per their own unreasonable terms. What choice is one left with in such cases? Further, while the incremental approach works best, that cannot address a parent's unfounded fear that something horrible will happen. Finally, if a parent is blackmailing a child into not doing something or doing it in a very different way from what the child wants without even articulating genuine safety concerns that make them wary, what should one do?
Best, Rahul Sent from my iPhone > On Aug 4, 2017, at 2:36 PM, Alok Kaushik via Ai > <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in> wrote: > > Hi Rahul, > You have brought up a very relevant subject. Although I always had a very > understanding family, I also had to experience a phase in which the > family members had to be brought to a certain comfort level. I never faced > any restrictions but additional comfort level had to be developed, and I can > easily observe the change in level of comfort and confidence they now have. > > Besides that I have also seen several cases around me, in which similar > issues as mentioned by you were present. Here are my observations and > thoughts. > > I do not think that any organization or friend will be able to make a > decisive impact on the thinking of parents / family members just by telling > them about some of the other people who have been able to do much more. It > largely depends on how much drive the visually impaired person himself / > herself has to become independent, and how effectively that is expressed. > > One of the main reasons of the parents is the safety concern. One still > needs to take a decision to go ahead and do things but taking some measures > could help understand the parents that he / she is not reckless about the > safety. For example, one can share the taxi number while travelling outside > at home, it communicates the same message, while being an actual safety > measure. Letting the family members know when to expect you back home > realistically would provide them extra comfort. These actions are simply > related to information sharing and do not necessarily restricts oneself. > This goes a long way in developing a comfort level without creating any > friction in the relationship. > > Besides moving outdoors, if there are other things that one is looking to > do but is facing restrictive approach, comfort level can best be created by > generating opportunities to demonstrate that one would be happy doing such > a task and can do it. Communicating that he / she would definitely ask for > help if needed is also very effective. There is no better conviction > then actually seeing a person doing something. > > A few things that we need to keep in mind is that we ourselves need to be > patient while persisting with the effort to demonstrate and develop and > confidence in others. It will take some time and repeated observations > by others before their scepticism could change to conviction. > > It is possible that one may have to be more assertive at times, but it would > be good to balance it out rather quickly to avoid any negative effect on the > relationship. Underlying feeling behind the assertiveness needs to be that of > confidence and not disregard. > > Of course there would be two extremes, one in which a person chooses to > enjoy the convenience that a protective environment offers, which comes > back and bites hard once that supportive environment collapses or dents, or > in other in which a person becomes a rebel, gains the independence and the > relationships languishes. > > My thoughts are to bring about a change while sustaining good relationships. > > Thanks. > Alok > > -----Original Message----- > From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On Behalf Of > Rahul Bajaj via Ai > Sent: Friday, August 04, 2017 1:12 PM > To: ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in > Cc: Rahul Bajaj > Subject: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a regressive view > about the capabilities of the disabled > > Hi Everyone, > > I hope this message finds you well. > At the outset, let me clarify that this question may or may not have anything > to do with my own personal experiences, so I'd appreciate it if the aim of > the conversation could be to understand this phenomenon in general terms as > opposed to focusing too much on my own situation. > > While a lot of us focus on the importance of sensitizing various > stakeholders, such as employers, academic institutions and others about the > capabilities of the disabled, few focus on the discrimination that the > disabled face in their own homes due to the view that their own family has > about their capabilities or potential. > More specifically, if one has a parent who is unwilling to learn from the > experiences of other blind people and give their disabled child the freedom > that we all deserve, to what extent should one follow what such a parent says? > Further, while safety is doubtless important, if the disabled person has the > requisite maturity to ascertain if they will be safe in a given environment, > should they act as per their own assessment or follow what their parent is > saying, in the fear of alienating them? > I think there are many emotional forces at play in a family setting that may > not be involved in other settings. For instance, one often hears of parents > emotionally blackmailing their children into acting the way they want without > recognizing that this may not be in the child's best interest. > Finally, what makes the situation worse is the fact that the external world > [friends and wellwishers] is also often apprehensive to interfere in these > matters on behalf of the disabled person on the ground that this is an > internal family matter, so that makes it significantly harder for the > disabled person to fully assert himself/herself. > > If any of you have dealt with the above, I'd be curious to know what you > think about these issues. > I am mindful of the fact that not many people would be open to discussing > this on a public forum, so please feel free to mail me off-list about this. > Further, not many may see this as a problem, given how accustomed they are > to succumbing to their parents' wishes, no matter how uninformed and > inappropriate those wishes may be. > > Best, > Rahul > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > > > > To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach: > https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.html > _______________________________________________ > > > Ai mailing list > Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in > http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > > > > To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach: > https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.html > _______________________________________________ > > > Ai mailing list > Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in > http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list.. 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