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http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2001/12/21/DD120872.DTL ------------------------------------------ Friday, December 21, 2001 (SF Chronicle) Geraldo's the best comedy on TV Tim Goodman Everything we know we learned from television: "Hello, I'm gun-toting Geraldo Rivera, reporting live from My War in Afghanistan, where everything I say revolves around me and what I'm doing and what I'm feeling or thinking. In today's developments, I-I-I-me-me-me-I-I-me- me-I. Now back to Fox News and more saber rattling." Help us, we've been mesmerized by those relentless news crawls, and now we've fallen down and can't get up. Just thought we'd duly note that we still hate them. Geraldo was busted in the chops by the Baltimore Sun for falsely saying he was on "hallowed ground" near Kandahar where friendly fire killed some American soldiers. Turns out he was a couple hundred miles away. He said that in the "fog of war" he had mistaken it for another friendly-fire incident near Tora Bora. But the Sun reminded him that incident took place several days after his report. What all of this means: If you're not watching Rivera's weird, bizarre reports on Fox News, you're missing some of television's best entertainment. NBC isn't making a lot of friends in the Bay Area with this affiliation switch, because people who don't get cable mostly don't get it for a reason (too expensive, don't watch enough TV to justify it, etc). But maybe this will be a partial salve. In a move to combat the Super Bowl, NBC -- which doesn't have the game -- will air 20 minutes at halftime of a special Playboy Playmate version of "Fear Factor." We only wish we were making that up. Then, after a full night of "Fear Factor" reruns and "best-of" episodes, NBC will try to grab post-game viewers with an hour of the Playmates on "Fear Factor." Maybe you're not going to miss NBC as much as you thought. Besides, you should be watching Geraldo in Afghanistan. He packs more laughs than just about any current NBC sitcom. If you are watching the real Super Bowl (that's Feb. 3, by the way), there's always hype over what show gets the plum post-game slot. This year Fox is giving it to "Malcolm in the Middle," which will be extended to one hour and feature Susan Sarandon, Bradley Whitford of "The West Wing" playing her husband (he's really married to "Malcolm" mom Jane Kaczmarek), plus other stars, including Magic Johnson, Heidi Klum, Tom Green, Christina Ricci, Stephen Root ("NewsRadio" and "King of the Hill") and Patrick Warburton ("The Tick," Puddy on "Seinfeld"). The plot surrounds Hal's company picnic. Kaczmarek ends up in a mud fight with Sarandon. We're there, as always. Forty-third sign of the Apocalypse: NBC has given MTV's Carson Daly his own late-night talk show. Is it too late to cancel already-installed cable so we can not get NBC? Nah, then we'd miss "Military Blunders" on the History Channel. "Hello, I'm Geraldo Rivera, and to prove that I'm more disgusted by the Sept. 11 attacks than you, I've vowed to personally kill Osama bin Laden. But first, let me shoot my career in the foot by being a foreign-correspondent caricature and raving loon." Here's our question: How does Geraldo switch from CNBC to Fox News, home of the right? It's not as if Geraldo has shared or expressed on the air the same views as those people. And you thought John Walker in the midst of the Taliban was odd. Feel the shame and share it: Fox is just the latest network to abandon its children's programming, and KTVU Channel 2 couldn't wait. While Fox is dumping its "Fox Kids" block on Dec. 28, KTVU this week moved those kids' shows to its sister station, KICU Channel 36 -- where they will be killed off finally on the 28th. In the meantime, KTVU is going with "The Ananda Lewis Show," "Ricki Lake" and two airings of "Crossing Over," the show about talking to dead people. Quick, get the hot water running in the shower. Bring me the head of Geraldo, despite its enormous size. The High Fives: 1. "The Daily Show." 2. "The Tick." 3. "Monday Night Football." 4. The coming end to all those cheesy Christmas movies. 5. The fact that we refrained from writing a hack Christmas column. __________________ E-mail Tim Goodman at [EMAIL PROTECTED] --------------------------- Copyright 2001 SF Chronicle http://www.sfgate.com --------------------------- __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send your FREE holiday greetings online! http://greetings.yahoo.com ==^================================================================ This email was sent to: archive@jab.org EASY UNSUBSCRIBE click here: http://topica.com/u/?a84x2u.a9WB2D Or send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] T O P I C A -- Register now to manage your mail! http://www.topica.com/partner/tag02/register ==^================================================================
