Martha Stewart's Christmas To-Do List
December 1: Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2: Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3: Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4: Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5: Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6: Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration. December 7: Debug Windows '95 December 10: Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth. December 11: Lay Faberge egg. December 12: Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble. December 13: Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts. December 14: Install plumbing in gingerbread house. December 15: Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall. December 17: Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire. December 19: Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat. December 20: Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture. December 21: Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks. December 22: Float votive candles in toilet tank. December 23: Seed clouds for white Christmas. December 24: Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are. December 25: Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri. December 26: Organize spice racks by genus and phylum. December 27: Build snowman in exact likeness of God. December 31: New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country. _______________________________________________________________________________ UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
