Homosexuality: Questions and Answers
Sue Bohlin
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Q. Some people say homosexuality is natural and moral; others say it
is unnatural and immoral. How do we know?
A. Our standard can only be what God says. In Romans 1 we read,
God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged
natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also
abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust
for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and
received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion (Rom 1:26-
27).
So even though homosexual desires feel natural, they are actually
unnatural, because God says they are. He also calls all sexual
involvement outside of marriage immoral. (There are 44 references to
fornication--sexual immorality--in the Bible.) Therefore, any form of
homosexual activity, whether a one-night stand or a long-term
monogamous relationship, is by definition immoral--just as any abuse
of heterosexuality outside of marriage is immoral.
Q. Is homosexuality an orientation God intended for some people, or
is it a perversion of normal sexuality?
A. If God had intended homosexuality to be a viable sexual
alternative for some people, He would not have condemned it as an
abomination. It is never mentioned in Scripture in anything but
negative terms, and nowhere does the Bible even hint at approving or
giving instruction for homosexual relationships. Some theologians
have argued that David and Jonathan's relationship was a homosexual
one, but this claim has no basis in Scripture. David and Jonathan's
deep friendship was not sexual; it was one of godly emotional
intimacy that truly glorified the Lord.
Homosexuality is a manifestation of the sin nature that all people
share. At the fall of man (Gen 3), God's perfect creation was
spoiled, and the taint of sin affected us physically, emotionally,
intellectually, spiritually--and sexually. Homosexuality is a
perversion of heterosexuality, which is God's plan for His creation.
The Lord Jesus said,
In the beginning the Creator made them male and female. For this
reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his
wife, and the two will become one flesh (Matt 19:4, 5).
Homosexual activity and pre-marital or extra-marital heterosexual
activity are all sinful attempts to find sexual and emotional
expression in ways God never intended. God's desire for the person
caught in the trap of homosexuality is the same as for every other
person caught in the trap of the sin nature; that we submit every
area of our lives to Him and be transformed from the inside out by
the renewing of our minds and the purifying of our hearts.
Q. What causes a homosexual orientation?
A. This is a complex issue, and it is unfair to give simplistic
answers or explanations. Some people start out as heterosexuals, but
they rebel against God with such passionate self-indulgence that they
end up embracing the gay lifestyle as another form of sexual
expression. As one entertainer put it, "I'm not going to go through
life with one arm tied behind my back!"
But the majority of gays sense they are "different" from very early
in life, and at some point they are encouraged to identify this
difference as being gay. These people may be the victims of "pre-
conditions" that dispose them toward homosexuality. One such pre-
condition may be a genetic predisposition for homosexuality. There is
a huge difference, however, between a genetic predisposition that
affects gender identity, and the choices we make in how we handle a
predisposition. Although their work is far from conclusive,
researchers such as Simon LeVay, Michael Bailey, and Richard Pillard
have argued that homosexual tendencies may be indicated even before
birth. But they will not go so far as to say that homosexual behavior
is determined. Another pre-condition for some people is the presence
of childhood or adolescent abuse, either emotional or sexual. It is
very difficult to find a homosexual who did not experience the trauma
of intense rejection, the horror of being molested, or the shock of
an early sexual experience.
Q. Wouldn't the presence of pre-conditions let homosexuals "off the
hook," so to speak?
A. Preconditions make it easier to sin in a particular area. They do
not excuse the sin. We can draw a parallel with alcoholism.
Alcoholics often experience a genetic or environmental pre-condition,
which makes it easier for them to fall into the sin of drunkenness.
Is it a sin to want a drink? No. It's a sin to drink to excess.
All of us experience various predispositions that make it easier for
us to fall into certain sins. For example, highly intelligent people
find it easier to fall into the sin of intellectual pride. People who
were physically abused as children may fall into the sins of rage and
violence more easily than others.
Current popular thinking says that our behavior is determined by our
environment or our genes, or both. But the Bible gives us the dignity
and responsibility missing from that mechanistic view of life. God
has invested us with free will--the ability to make real, significant
choices. We can choose our responses to the influences on our lives,
or we can choose to let them control us.
If there is either a genetic or environmental predisposition for
homosexuality, a person with this condition will fall into the sin of
the gay lifestyle much more easily than a person without it will. But
each of us alone is responsible for giving ourselves permission to
cross over from temptation into sin.
Q. What's the difference between homosexual temptation and sin?
A. Unasked-for, uncultivated sexual desires for a person of the same
sex constitute temptation, not sin. Since the Lord Jesus was "tempted
in every way, just as we are," He fully knows the intensity and
nature of the temptations we face. But He never gave in to them.
The line between sexual temptation and sexual sin is the same for
both heterosexuals and homosexuals. It is the point at which our
conscious will gets involved. Sin begins with the internal acts of
lusting and creating sexual fantasies. Lust is indulging your sexual
desires by deliberately choosing to feed sexual attraction--you might
say it is the sinful opposite of meditation. Sexual fantasies are
conscious acts of the imagination. It is creating mental pornographic
home movies. Just as the Lord said in the Sermon on the Mount, all
sexual sin starts in the mind long before it gets to the point of
physical expression.
Many homosexuals claim, "I never asked for these feelings. I did not
choose them," and this may be true. That is why it is significant to
note that the Bible specifically condemns homosexual practices, but
not undeveloped homosexual feelings (temptation). There is a
difference between having sexual feelings and letting them grow into
lust. When Martin Luther was talking about impure thoughts, he
said, "You can't stop the birds from flying over your head, but you
can keep them from building a nest in your hair."
Q. Isn't it true that "Once gay, always gay?"
A. It is certainly true that most homosexuals never become
heterosexual--some because they don't want to, but most others
because their efforts to change were unsuccessful. It takes spiritual
submission and emotional work to repent of sexual sin and to seek a
healthy self-concept that glorifies God.
But for the person caught in the trap of homosexual desires who wants
sexual and emotional wholeness, there is hope in Christ. In
addressing the church at Corinth, the Apostle Paul lists an
assortment of deep sins, including homosexual offenses. He says,
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were
sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ
(1 Cor 6:11).
The Lord's loving redemption includes eventual freedom for all sin
that is yielded to Him. Some people experience no homosexual
temptations ever again. But for most others who are able to achieve
change, homosexual desires are gradually reduced from a major problem
to a minor nuisance that no longer dominates their lives. The
probability of heterosexual desires returning or emerging depends on
a person's sexual history.
But the potential for heterosexuality is present in everyone because
God put it there.
Q. If homosexuality is such an abomination to God, why doesn't it
disappear when someone becomes a Christian?
A. When we are born again, we bring with us all of our emotional
needs and all of our old ways of relating. Homosexuality is a
relational problem of meeting emotional needs the wrong way; it is
not an isolated problem of mere sexual preference. With the power of
the indwelling Spirit, a Christian can cooperate with God to change
this unacceptable part of life. Some people--a very few--are
miraculously delivered from homosexual struggles. But for the
majority, real change is slow. As in dealing with any besetting sin,
it is a process, not an event. Sin's power over us is broken at the
moment we are born again, but learning to depend on the Holy Spirit
to say no to sin and yes to godliness takes time. 2 Cor. 3:18
says, "We...are being transformed into His likeness from glory to
glory." Transformation (this side of eternity!) is a process that
takes a while. Life in a fallen world is a painful struggle. It is
not a pleasant thing to have two oppositional natures at war within
us!
Homosexuality is not one problem; it is symptomatic of other, deeper
problems involving emotional needs and an unhealthy self-concept.
Salvation is only the beginning of emotional health. It allows us to
experience human intimacy as God intended us to, finding healing for
our damaged emotions. It isn't that faith in Christ isn't enough;
faith in Christ is the beginning.
Q. Does the fact that I had an early homosexual experience mean I'm
gay?
A. Sex is strictly meant for adults. The Song of Solomon says three
times, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." This is a
warning not to raise sexual feelings until the time is right. Early
sexual experience can be painful or pleasurable, but either way, it
constitutes child abuse. It traumatizes a child. This loss of
innocence does need to be addressed and perhaps even grieved through,
but doesn't mean you're gay.
Even apart from the sexual aspect, though, our culture has come to
view close friendships with a certain amount of suspicion. If you
enjoy emotional intimacy with a friend of the same sex, especially if
it is accompanied by the presence of sexual feelings that emerge in
adolescence, you can find yourself very confused. But it doesn't mean
you're gay.
Sometimes young people engage in sexual experimentation, including
homosexual encounters. It is a tragic myth that once a person has a
homosexual experience, or even thinks about one, that he or she is
gay for life.
Q. Are homosexuals condemned to hell?
A. Homosexuality is not a "heaven or hell" issue. The only
determining factor is whether a person has been reconciled to God
through Jesus Christ.
In 1 Cor. 6, Paul says that homosexual offenders and a whole list of
other sinners will not inherit the kingdom of God. But then he
reminds the Corinthians that they have been washed, sanctified, and
justified in Jesus' name. Paul makes a distinction between
unchristian behavior and Christian behavior. He's saying, "You're not
pagans anymore, you are a holy people belonging to King Jesus. Now
act like it!"
If homosexuality doesn't send anyone to hell, then can the believer
indulge in homosexual behavior, safe in his or her eternal security?
As Paul said, "May it never be!" If someone is truly a child of God,
he or she cannot continue sinful behavior that offends and grieves
the Father without suffering the consequences. God disciplines those
He loves.
Q. How do I respond when someone in my life tells me he or she is
gay?
A. Take your cue from the Lord Jesus. He didn't avoid sinners; He
ministered grace and compassion to them--without ever compromising
His commitment to holiness. Start by cultivating a humble heart,
especially concerning the temptation to react with judgmental
condescension. As Billy Graham said, "Never take credit for not
falling into a temptation that never tempted you in the first place."
Seek to understand your gay friends' feelings. Are they comfortable
with their gayness, or bewildered and resentful of it? Understanding
people doesn't mean that you have to agree with them¾but it is the
best way to minister grace and love in a difficult time. Accept the
fact that, to this person, these feelings are normal. You can't
change their minds or their feelings. Too often, parents will send
their gay child to a counselor and say, "Fix him." It just doesn't
work that way.
As a Christian, you are a light shining in a dark place. Be a friend
with a tender heart and a winsome spirit; the biggest problem of
homosexuals is not their sexuality, but their need for Jesus Christ.
At the same time, pre-decide what your boundaries will be about what
behavior you just cannot condone in your presence. One college
student I know excuses herself from a group when the affection
becomes physical; she just gets up and leaves. It is all right to be
uncomfortable around blatant sin; you do not have to subject yourself-
-and the Holy Spirit within you--to what grieves Him. Consider how
you would be a friend to people who are living promiscuous
heterosexual lives. Like the Lord, we need to value and esteem the
person without condoning the sin.
For further reading:
Bergner, Mario. Setting Love in Order: Hope and Healing for the
Homosexual. Baker, 1995.
Dallas, Joe. Desires in Conflict. Eugene, Ore.: Harvest House, 1991.
(Particularly good!)
Konrad, Jeff. You Don't Have to Be Gay. Pacific Publishing, 1987. (I
can't recommend this one highly enough.)
Satinover, Jeffrey. Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth. Baker,
1996.
Schmidt, Thomas E. Straight & Narrow? : Compassion & Clarity in the
Homosexuality Debate. Intervarsity Press, 1995.
Wolfe, Christopher, editor, Homosexuality and American Public Life.
Spence Publishing, 1999.
Worthen, Anita and Bob Davies. Someone I Love is Gay: How Family and
Friends Can Respond. Intervarsity Press, 1996.
There is also a "Gay Change Webring" on the internet. My
favorite "jump in" site is Living Hope Ministries, an outreach in the
Dallas/Ft. Worth area. Of particular interest are the online
testimonies and especially an excellent message board for strugglers,
overcomers and those who seek to encourage and uplift.
www.livehope.org
Another tremendously encouraging site is "Stonewall Revisited," with
a huge number of testimonies of overcomers and families of
strugglers. stonewallrevisited.com
© 1992 Probe Ministries International
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About the Author
Sue Bohlin is an associate speaker with Probe Ministries. She
attended the University of Illinois, and has been a Bible teacher and
conference speaker for over 25 years. She serves as a Mentoring Mom
for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), and on the board of Living Hope
Ministries, a Christ-centered outreach to those wanting to leave
homosexuality. She is also a professional calligrapher and the
webservant for Probe Ministries; but most importantly, she is the
wife of Dr. Ray Bohlin and the mother of their two college-age sons.
She can be reached via e-mail at [EMAIL PROTECTED]
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