C-da,
I had the following email exchange with a Delhi based girl recently, whcih goes to show that men ----and women are the same everywhere.
Umesh
------------------------------
I wrote some days ago:
I think it is not just a guy thing. Even white girls want docile Asian partners. They would like to date and go out and "get together" for the night with white guys but many prefer to have a docile non-white person to marry. The house husband was of Indian origing from South Africa, had come to study here after getting married to a white US girl and getting Green Card.
NRI girls many of whom are becoming "independent" too like to do what the white girls do -esp when it comes to marriage. Even some have white boy friends, but surprisingly I keep getting feelers that their parents would like to marry a Hindu etc.
Chinese/Korean/Philipino girls are in hot demand with white guys -- but I do not see many white girls marrying Chinese guys. One of my white classamtes has an Asian girl friend (of Indian origin)from ****and East Asia staying with him here. She came two months ago. Another white classmate managed to woo a *****ese girl (US citizen) to be his partner - although most of the girls in class are white. He did say once that atleast 50% of Chinese girls are with white guys (and now even with Blacks.) He did say that white guys have an "Asian fetish" - find them more "cultured" --I think it means more docile and maleable.
So now when Asian girls stop being "cultured" -- then their marraige to white guys collapses. Similalry for Asian guys marryng white girls -- they should expect to behave like house husbands - at least to some degree.
I would call it a new form of slavery to the whites --though it seems very glamorous for some.
Madhuri Dixit had lot of fun in BollyWood but decided to marry a US NRI doctor thru arranged match --so you cannot label only Indian males as having different preferences for girlfirends and wife. Given a chance (as in Madhuri Dixit or Meenkashi Sheshadri case) they too would like to have fun with a different set of guys and marry a different kind of "husband like" guy.
So where does it lead to?
I do not know.
Good to hear you views.
Keep mailing.
Umesh
********* wrote:
********* wrote:
Dear Umesh,
I am very surprised to learn of your senior who became a house husband even after doing a PhD. from Harvard. I spoke with my friend over the weekend. Her sister married not for citizenship. She is actually coming back after the divorce.
As for white males marrying Asian girls because they are docile, well this thing I find very stange among Indian guys. They may like to date the very modern girls but when it comes to marriage they always want a simple one. Do the white guys marry Asian girls because they want simple wives who perhaps are not that common in their society? And if so why do the marriages break up?
I have seen my college friends, they are so good at keeping the margins. I find it very surprising when they so clearly categorise the girls they want to date, marry, play with and just be friends with. I was in a girls college earlier and this is my first proper interaction with guys and I am really finding all this strange. Is this very common?
Regards
********
umesh sharma <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:Dear *****,In the west - gay marraiges are the in thing. Old fashioned Indian style marraiges are crashing at a 50% rate. Moreover, sometimes Indians marry to get green card -maybe thats how your sister's friend got married --and later divorce.Even the infamous Pamela Bordeas -got her citizenship like that ofUK. Recently a Indian senior of mine married to a US white girl became a house husband - to take care of his kids -she works in a software company. He did his PhD from Harvard.So if you are from outside be ready to compromise.Maybe the sister was so westernized that she forgot that white males marry Asians becos they are supposed to be docile (and not like white females). Anyway, there are lots of chinese girls marrying white guys here.Keep mailing.Umesh
she wrote:Dear Umesh,****** (name of a city) is sounding so good. It would be great if you get through. One of my friend's sister was married to a ******man (name of a country) but they got a divorce recently. The marriage lasted for less than 4 years. They have a two year old daughter.I have seen that marriages with foreigners hardly work. But I always wonder why. Any idea? The girl in this case was very westernised. She was more adopt to the white culture than to the Indian culture but still it didnot work. Really strange. Donot you think so?Regards----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chan Mahanta <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Since Rajen passed judgement on the article reading the first paragraph, and since netters' curiosity might have been piqued, here is the whole article.Note the comments of KPS Gill, which I highlighted.cmWhy is he such a menace?
The Delhi male's rogue gene
Thirty percent of rapes that take place in India's 35 big cities happen in the national capital. It also accounts for 35 percent of abductions of women. What is it that drives Delhi's men? Poornima Joshi finds out
Monster Behind the Veil: the accused in the Dhaula Kuan rape case being produced in the court
'Man cannot digest the fact that women are
claiming public spaces that he thought were his
domain. He comes from a cultural background
where women are disposable'
Except C-grade Bollywood villains, who else enjoys violent street fights, relishes assaulting women in cars and routinely beats up his wife? Who would shoot a Jessica Lal dead just because she refuses to serve him drinks or brutally kill a Nitish Katara because he dares to fall in love with the wrong girl? We are talking about the average Delhi male - an aggressive, violent, misogynist who ref! uses to grow up with times.
One doesn't really have to whip up statistics to prove the obvious. But even a cursory look proves shocking enough. According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), Delhi reported over 30.5 percent, 406 out of the total 1,329 rape cases in a survey of 35 mega cities across the country in 2003. For kidnapping and abduction of women, Delhi counted for 35 percent (673) of the total 1,921 cases. In the same year, Delhi reported a 793 percent increase in cases of cruelty by husbands and relatives. Among the big cities, Delhi tops the crime graph with an average rate of 328.1 as against 156.9, 81.1 and 133.5 for Mumbai, Kolkata and Chennai.
Statistics apart, understanding the Delhi male psyche is an exercise that is repulsive to even the objective academics. According to Dr Rajat Mitra, a psychiatrist with Sanchetan Society for Mental Health who has done exhaustive work with sexual offenders in Tihar, 90 percent of culprits caught for! heinous crimes against women in Delhi have absolutely no regrets.
Ritu Beri
fashion designer
I think the problem lies with men. What they need to do is understand their manhood. I feel men need more exposure to the world and see a doctor.
"After a point, I felt really repulsed. I interacted with them every day but the conversation left me numbed with the level of perversion. Most of them were repeat offenders. The only thing they regretted was being a little careless which landed them in jail. But about the act, mostly violent sexual assault, they had absolutely no regrets. In fact, they never believed that the victims suffered any pain. Most of them believed the victims also felt the same pleasure that they did," he says.
According to Dr Mitra, their notion of pleasure is so distorted that they think a woman is screaming because she is enjoying herself. "We had a long contact programme through which we tried telling them that the relationship! with a woman is enjoyable when there is intimacy, friendship, tenderness. I don't think we went too far because none of them ever believed that such a thing was possible. Their sexual and emotional lives are so skewed that raping someone is the highpoint of their existence. Most of them told me, 'Iske alawa aur life main rakha hee kya hai (What else is there to life)'," says Dr Mitra.
Rani Jethmalani lawyer
North Indian men don't
respect a woman's sanctity and practise patriarchy of the worst kind. They lack cosmopolitan instinct.
This attitude, say experts in gender studies and masculinity, is typical of a society that segregates men and women. It acquires a different dimension in Delhi because of the unique cultural ethos of the city. According to feminist-publisher Urvashi Butalia, violence towards women exists in every society but in Delhi, it finds a certain _expression_ that is unique to the city.
"Delhi has not had a working middle class like Mumbai had. So, while in Mumbai men have been forced to develop a certain attitude because of the thousands of women who have long back claimed their public space, Delhi never developed that culture. Men are not used to seeing women on the road or in public spaces. But now, when women want that space, they react in the way they do. What is particularly disturbing is that there is no outrage against these incidents among the ordinary people. They think such things are normal," says Butalia.KPS Gill
former Punjab DGPDelhi is the worst city. For this I would blame the women who try to wear certain clothes just to keep in tune with the trend. They are the ones who provoke men.
Not only are incidents like the one in Dhaula Kuan, where a college student was abducted and raped inside a car by three men, accepted as normal in Delhi, the reactions, not just from the ill-informed but also from the empowered like the state Minister for Women and Child Development Kanti Singh, tend to blame the woman for her misery. "Some people I have met say that girls should not wear provocative clothes," Kanti Singh told a group of journalists in an informal meeting just the day after the young woman had been brutalised for hours. This, according to cpi(m) politburo member Brinda Karat, is a typically objectionable statement that sums up gender equations in the city.
"This city is drenched in social values that encourage practices like female infanticide, as if a woman is expendabl! e. Men display completely irresponsible behaviour on the streets and get away with it because it is acceptable for men to be sexually aggressive," Karat says.
Vidhu, student
The police need to become strict with offenders. It is unfair that women are forced to limit what they wear and where they go.
To writer and publisher of the literary magazine Hans, Rajendra Yadav, Delhi is a city of grabbers, small-timers who make it big through questionable means. "They grab power, money, property, everything. Women are also seen as property, so you can grab and discard them whenever you want. In cities like Kolkata, for instance, you would be lynched if you so much as passed a comment at a girl. But here, everything is acceptable because, as I said, you think everything is up for grabs. The male here has never thought of a woman as anything else but an object," he says.
The character of the Delhi male also reflects a social and cultural ethos derived from its neigh! bours - Haryana, Rajasthan and western UP, places where couples are still hanged for daring to fall in love, places that have the worst sex ratio and record of female infanticide. According to film-maker Rahul Roy, who has done extensive work on masculinity and male sexuality, beautifully depicted in his film When Four Friends Meet, the male in Delhi is unable to adjust to the change in gender equations.
Rachna homemaker
Delhi is dangerous.
It's a male-dominated society. Walking on the streets scantily clad at 2am is asking for trouble.
"He cannot digest the fact that women are claiming public spaces that he thought were his domain. He comes from a cultural background where women are disposable. Theoretically, he might still be the head of the family, but the reality has changed. His sense of entitlement to power is being challenged. The woman, even in the working class families, is probably doing better than him. In the last 10-15 years in Delhi particularly,! women have made a mental and intellectual journey that men have not done. This imbalance finds its _expression_ in violence and aggressive behaviour," says Roy.
Roy agrees with Dr Mitra's analysis of the skewed perception of man-woman relationships. He refers to his discussions on gender equations with men from all strata at a seminar in Delhi recently. "Their perception of relationships with men was actually frightening. All of them thought that marriages were fine as long as there was an element of discovery of sex. But very soon, they disintegrated into just managing equations between wife and mother or just routine haggling over mundane chores. In effect, we live in a society where an average male finds absolutely no enjoyment from his relationship with women. It was a very disturbing discovery," says Roy._______________________________________________
Anshuman consultant
I think Delhi is safe as long as you do the right things. It's unfortunate that people cannot roam around at night but we have to learn to accept it.
What proves the theory about the Delhi male having a 'skewed' idea about man-woman relationships, marriage, etc is the infamous case of a nurse who was raped in the city's Shanti Mukund Hospital. The rapist, Bhura, assaulted her in a filthy bathroom, thrashed her badly and blinded her. But when he was to be sentenced for the crime, he actually proposed marriage to the girl. What topped this extraordinary proposal was the judge's reaction. Having conveniently forgotten what Bhura had subjected his victim to, the judge actually asked the girl to consider Bhura's proposal and tell the
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