Re: [Assam] On the Lighter Side

[Anjan K. Nath]

"Cows, Constitution, and Carlin" COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow. CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore. TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that at we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment! And Last but not least..... George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart .."Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail." ----- Original Message ----- From: mridul bhuyan To: assam@pikespeak.uccs.edu Sent: Tuesday, July 12, 2005 1:10 PM Subject: [Assam] On the Lighter Side ROMANCE MATHEMATICS   Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy   OFFICE ARITHMETIC   Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime   SHOPPING MATH   A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.   A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.   GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS   A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.   A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.   A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.   A successful woman is one who can find such a man.   HAPPINESS   To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.   To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.   LONGEVITY   Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.       PROPENSITY TO CHANGE   A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.   A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.   DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE   A woman has the last word in any argument.   Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.       HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED   Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. The all-new MSN Search! Get faster and relevant results. Switch to the smarter search! _______________________________________________ Assam mailing list Assam@pikespeak.uccs.edu http://pikespeak.uccs.edu/mailman/listinfo/assam Mailing list FAQ: http://pikespeak.uccs.edu/assam/assam-faq.html To unsubscribe or change options: http://pikespeak.uccs.edu/mailman/options/assam

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