Re: Dating United states
Well speaking as someone who is getting married in less than two weeks to a lady I first met online on a mailing list, I can say that cyber relations are no substitute for the real thing, however intense things are between you.
My lady and I exchanged emails for a while, but neither of us thought of actually becoming more than friends, indeed the idea of doing that with someone not physically present was entirely alien to me. It wasn't until she came to England to attend the same music school I go to that we realized how much we really clicked, and then we switched to the telephone.
My lady and I exchanged emails for a good five or six months just as friends with neither of us actually thinking things would go farther (apparently she did a little but I certainly didn't).
It wasn't until she attended the same music school i go to in April of last year that I actually began to realize my feelings for her weren't those I
'd have towards a friend, and it was a good few phone calls later that we admited our feelings to each other, indeed part of the reason we're getting married on the third of July is that is a year to the day since we admited we loved each other.
Even then, it wasn't until we met up at the next aims music school event in august that we both really acknolidged that we needed to try to be together, and only after we tried this for a week in november and realized that we could live together quite successfully that we decided on anything more perminant.
There is a lot that goes into a relationship, including some very small, quite obscure little things. There are a huge number of compatibilities and little nuances that have to either match up or be coped with.
My lady and I were lucky in that we have such a compatible chemistry it is frankly terrifying, but even this wasn't certain until we'd spent time together, ot to know each other as friend
s, and heck done the really silly things like living together, cooking and washing dishes together etc.
Cyber relations are a nice way to know people, but really it's far too cold a way to actually start a full blone relationship, even with voice chatting, since there is so much that is involved in beinng! with anoher person, things you just don't learn unless your physically present, and things which you won't learn if your trapped into the conventional boy asks girl on date, boy wants to make out, girl either lets him or not type of structure, indeed I was reading a book recently which said how bad that formula was for actually starting relationships with people and how many men and women were trapped into essentially very dire relationships just because of sterriotypical patterns and gender rolls, with men being seen as nothing more than a means to status money and security and women being seen as basically just an adjunked to the home.
Bottom line, i f you can't be friends with someone you certainly shouldn't be looking for a relationship, and part of a relationship is learning to physically live and be present with someone which is just something you can't do through text.
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