Re: My Latest Story
It's not bad at all. My suggestion as a reader would be to spend more time describing the environments and characters in a little more detail. When he jumped from the land of the dead to his library it happened so fast I had to do a double take to find out why his wife and desk were suddenly in the land of the dead. It took me a moment to see she'd summoned him. Rather than just say where he is, land of the dead, library, describe them a little more, it'll really help to set the scene, and it won't feel as abrupt and jumpy. Just saying he's in his library didn't paint much of a mental picture, and gave the impression the character exists in a void. How large is this library? Are the walls stocked with just books or are there paintings. Are there curios on shelves? Thing's in jars? Is there a cat asleep in front of a fireplace? These are the kinds of things that would have helped to place the character in a real environment. Hope you don't think I'm lecturing, just letting you know what it was like to read that passage, and what I felt was missing. The other thing I'd say is when you mentioned the sword's name being a cliche, it sounded a bit self-conscious, like you were worried how your work would be received, and this took me out of the story. I think if you're going to write fantasy, you'll have to accept some people are going to sneer whatever you do because haters gonna hate, so you just need to have complete faith in what you're doing. Even if part of you thinks it might be viewed as the corniest clichéd thing in the world, jump in with both feet, and fuckem.
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