My worst encounter with crazy people [cross post from Reddit]
Put this on Reddit earlier, thought I'd post it here....
So, I had this happen yesterday and figured it fit here first. So, this happened yesterday. Went to get things from the store. Now. I'm known for my sarcastic comebacks. Went with my housemates, A and B for this story. A's a take no prisoners woman and B's somebody who worked as a merchant mariner, so....again, takes no bull from anyone.
Cast:
Me = Me, of course. Your narrator
EM: Entitled mom
ED: Entitled Dad
EK: enttitled kid
SM: Store Manager
Also before people ask....I didn't step on anyone too hard with my feet, this'll be important later.....
So. Get to the store, and hear this kid whining and crying. Now....my housemates like to walk either side of me, mostly so they can (supposedly) protect me from stupid people. I'm fine with this. the less people walk into my wit, the better. Now. This entitled mom (EM for short) was huffing and puffing behind us. So...she taps me on the shoulder. It went like this.
Me: Hey A, what do you think about getting [a MLP figure. it's a running joke with A that she'll make a show of going to buy them, then puts htem back when nobody's looking)
A: Mmm.....Let me think on it. But it is Rainbow Dash with sparkles. So I want it
B: Oh come on.....yougtto MLP slippers (not totally inaccurate.....and they are very, very warm and comfortable slippers too)
Em: Excuse me, you're blocking the aisle
Me: Oh, sorry, let me move a minute *steps closer to the shelves and takes a MLP box set by sheer happenstance*
EK: Move!
Me: You forgot a word
EK: Move r-word
Me: What did you call me?
EK: I said move, r-word
Me: Oh I'll move
EK: Owww, you f-word, stepped on my foot!
Note: I was wearing construction boots, with steel toes in them. So......one light gentle stepping on later....
EM: What did you do to my son?
Me: I moved. He told me to move and called me a name, so I moved. it's not my fault he's got his foot where I want to move
EM: Give me that stick as punishment *snatches my folded symbol cane*
Me: I'll move if you want *steps on EK's other foot gently*
EK: *screams and lets loose a string of expltives that'd make a bunch of sailors proud...sailors that just got punched in the nads*
Me: I.....didn't know half of those were swears. Whoa.
B: WTF I worked as a merchant mariner and never heard half of those. Also, lady, my friend is blind. Give him back his cane
EM: No!
A: *goes to get the manager*
SM: What's the problem
Me: I'm chilling here, got a nice foot rest
SMEm: he assaulted my son!
Me: No no, see, I'm blind and was told to move. I did. Sadly this kid's feet were in the way, if I didn't step on him I'd have fallen over and hurt myself
A: To be fair that kid was calling you r-word
Me: Oh yeah, that too
EM: You effer, you effing broke my effing kid's toes you motherffer
SM: Ma'am, calm down or I'l have to ask you to leave
Me: What, me?
SM: No sir
Me: A, you were right when you said we should go to the other store. But this bish has my cane....so......
B: Don't worry. I'll be your stand in guide dog. hey, SM, do you guys sell those costume dog ears?
Me: A.....if B does that....get a frigging picture. That ish is going on your FB. You know that right?
A: Oh hell yeah it is
B: I think I just owned myself
EM: You're wearing dog ears because you're a bish, that's all you are
Me: Lady, I got four words for you. Shut. The. Eff. Up.
SM: I got four words. Leave. The. Store. Now.
EM at this point goes to smack me with my cane. Spoiler: I took aikedo lessons. What happened next was, and this was from the store manger's retelling of it when I was being given a cup of tea in the back of the store:
EM went to hit me with my cane. I shoved her in the collarbone, my other hand gripped my cane and pulled it away. EM grabed it back and smacked me in the face with it. I grabbed her wrist and wouldn't let go. She was threatening to call the cops for assault by shoving her collarbone and throat. So she shoves me back. Grab her other wrist and put it in a wrist lock. She screams I'm hurting her and am going to do unspeakable things. B at this time kicks her legs out from under her and A takes her wrists and restrains her. I got led to the back and sat down by the staff and asked if I needed anything to calm down. Five or so minutes (probably more) later, cops show up and take EM away. Manager brings them into the back where the security stuff is, and EK. I shiz you guys not, goes for me. I got a cup of (now thankfully cold) tea. EK grabs it and throws a half full cup of cold tea over me, and hits my nose with the cup. Cop #1 grabs him, and #2 goes to see the security footage. I get a ride home with A and B, and one hell of a story to put on Reddit. Oh, the bruise on my nose is fine. I'm more mad about the waste of a cup of tea that could be reheated
Nope. I'm not revealing the store's name for anonymity. It has a rather godawful mobile network and it has five letters in its name however.
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