Google Knows Best
Hello. My name is [insert name of random Google employee here], and I am an employee at the best company to have ever populated this planet. We own the most popular search engine and video sharing service in the world, Google and YouTube. Lots of people love us, so much so that Google is now a verb in the dictionary. Usually if you ask someone a question, they will typically respond with, “just Google it.“ Never mind the fact that we have data on every single user of our website, we’re still the best company in the world.
Here at Google, we believe the invasion of our users privacy is the key to having a successful business. We know where you live, what you eat, what your favorite books are, and that your wife is having an affair with the next-door neighbor. Don’t worry, it happens to us all, you’ll get over it eventually.
We are also dedicated to safety, and because of this we have algorithms that go through thousands upon thousands of websites all the time to check and see if they have viruses. What? You say our computers flag down sites that have false positives and ignore some sites that actually do have viruses on them? Scandalous! Don’t say things like that, our computers are always right! Say that one more time and you’re going to silicon hell!
Switch to Google, the fastest, most reliable search engine in the world, and get browsing today! Oh yeah, and remember not to mock us. We know where you live.
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