Re: Any fello transgender people on here?
Hi all.
I hope everyone who follow this topic reads this post. I'll try to explain things in a simple way.
Please keep in mind that it's only my opinions, and explained out from how and what I feel. I don't mean to harm anyone. So if anyone feel offended in any ways after having read all this, then I hope you understand that this is not what I mean to do.
If you find any of this helpful and if you can use it elsewhere, then feel free to quote the text, link to it, share it, refer to it or whatever you wanna do with it. It'll just make me happy if the text can be used to make people understand what it's all about. If you use the text in any ways, then please let people know who have written the text, if they have any questions.
My story.
There is much more into my story than I'll write on a public forum. But I'm willing to go into details privately for those who wanna know more.
I grew up in a nice and very open minded family. No one knew people closely who are gay, me included. I knew one guy, but at that time, I didn't knew him good enough to ask him any questions about it. People around me didn't really talked about people who are gay. If they did, then it wasn't nice words. I learned much later in life that it was simply because people didn't knew better. Not because people had something against people who are gay, they didn't knew anyone, but simply because they didn't knew what to say about it. So they just said what they had heard from others.
Those negative reactions around me made me think that it was wrong to be gay. I had my bad opinions about many things. I simply didn't knew better...
I started to realize that I didn't got attracted to females. First I thought it was just a matter of finding the right girl, but no. It was like: People were nice and very friendly, but no attraction at all.
I also started to realize that I got attracted to males instead. That feeling wouldn't go away, no matter if I liked it or not. It was no choice at all. As I didn't knew anyone who was gay, then I still thought it was wrong. Therefore, I was afraid to talk about it. I even tried to hide all this from myself, like I couldn't even say to myself that I am gay. Things just happened, and I was not able to control it in any ways.
After I moved to my own place, then I could finally do something about it. I created a profile on a dating site for people who are gay, and started to meet some really nice and friendly guys. I won't go into details here, but I tell you it was, and still is paradise. Why? Because I finally met people who was equal to me. People who got attracted to men, like me. For a while, I had the feeling that I was the only one. I just had to realize and understand, that I'm not the only one who gets attracted to men, which I realized by meeting guys through the dating site. I didn't knew anyone I could ask about all the strange questions I had. Therefore, I had to learn and experience everything on my own. It was tough, extremely tough as blind. People with normal sight can just see some pictures, watch movies, tv shows etc. if they need any details which people don't normally talk about. There are even a lot of things which there aren't any words to describe. There are things which you either have to see with your eyes to understand, or to feel or experience on your own as blind to understand. One example is what people looks like, and how different people look. Many blind people might say we don't care that much, but its still important to know even when we can't see the difference, because we can learn a lot from that. I was forced to start from scratch and learn everything on my own, simply because I didn't knew anyone to ask, yet the simplest questions.
Later on, I started to join parties in the gay community, and meet people in real life. People were so nice. Much nicer than if I joined normal parties for everyone. I really started to feel included, and it didn't really mattered that I'm blind. This community was really what opened the doors for me. I met so many nice and friendly guys. Asked them a ton of questions, started to feel and understand that it is okay to be gay, started to see many things from lots of different perspectives etc. because of all the awesome people I met.
Everything was close to be perfect, but there was still missing one important thing for me: I was the only blind guy I knew who were gay. Everyone I knew was sighted. There are things which people don't normally talk about because they see it, so there is not the need for talking about things which everyone just expect everyone knows because of a normal sight. Because of that, it was still quite a tough time for me, and I still felt a bit alone, because I was the only blind guy.
Finally, the time came where I felt ready to tell friends and family that I'm gay. I simply got enough of constantly trying to hide it, constantly finding excuses and all kind of bad things. That was such a great feeling... At that time, I decided that I would make a difference for other people who might be in the same boat as me. If I could make a small difference for just one single person in my country, then it would be worth it. I decided to make a small group on Facebook for blind and visual impaired people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. I didn't wanted, and still won't like to see other blind people going through all what I've been forced to go through on my own...
Long story short: We are now around 15 members in this small group, and there is really the need for such a group. 15 members aren't much, but it is a start, and it does really make a huge difference. There is currently no official LGBT group or community for blind and visual impaired people here in my country. I have no experience with such groups in the blind community in other countries, so I can't say if it's a good or a bad thing to have in a blind community.
Last year, I was lucky to find the man who turned out to be the man in my life. It started as a great friendship, and later on it turned into a relationship. Nothing has ever felt so great, so good and so right in my life. Many people got surprised, but I got so unbelievable many amazing and positive comments from a ton of people, who felt happy on behave of us... We have never felt so much happiness in our lifes before...
What is it like to be gay?
People here on the forum comes from the whole world. There are many different religions and other things, which might make some people think: What is it like to be gay? Maybe some people don't know anyone who is gay, live in a country where it's not okay to be gay, or for whatever reason people might have lots of questions about this, which they are afraid to ask right away.
It can be explained quite simple what it is like to be gay. The only difference between you and me is that I just get attracted to men, the same gender as myself, and you properly get attracted to the opposite gender. That is absolutely the only difference.
Some people who don't know anyone who is gay might still think that people who are gay have a special or specific personality. That is not true at all. Let me say this in an other way: You will never know if your best friend or a family member is gay or bisexual, which means the person can get attracted to people no matter the gender. Being gay have absolutely nothing to do with peoples personality, how we look, how we speak etc. It is only about what we get attracted to. Nothing more than that.
Many people think being gay is a choice. I'm happy to say that this is totally wrong. Let me explain:
The feeling of what you are getting attracted to is not a choice. It is not something you choose. Let me explain by asking a few questions:
Is it a choice that you properly feel attracted to the opposite gender? Properly not.
If you still think it is a choice to be gay, then let me ask this extreme question:
Why do you not just choose to get attracted to the same gender as you instead of the opposite gender? If you still think it's a choice to be gay, then you can also choose to get attracted to the same gender yourself. If you can do that, then you might consider yourself as bisexual...
You can choose to hide your feelings so much that you even are afraid to say things to yourself. Some people are even getting married and get kids. Suddenly, they just can't deal with it anymore. They cannot hide their feelings, and suddenly, they just need to live their live as gay, just like they always have wanted to live their life. This happens very often, even in my small country, that people trys to hide their feelings, try to ignore it and live their life, like others want them to live their life. It is simply terrible in my opinion...
Some people get offended if they see two guys kisses or holding hands on the street. You see heterosexual people do that everywhere, every time. A few days ago, I bumped into two people who stood right in front of the door to the train, kissing each other so intens, that they didn't realized they blocked the door. So, why in earth should two guys or two women not do the same as well?
We don't grab you and start to kiss you, so there is no reason to feel offended. Love is what makes people happy...
Living as gay is wonderful, at leased in my country, as long as you get accepted just like everyone else. Because there is really no difference between people who are gay, and people who are heterosexual. If you talk to someone who is gay, then you won't even notice before the person say so. There are people where you would know it because of their personality and how they look, but that's a very small percentish of people.
My observations on what it is like to be as transgender.
I know people who are transgender, so I do know a lot about this as well. I can of course not speak for myself, but I hope it makes sense anyway. If I say something wrong, out from a transgenders point of view, then I would be glad to be corrected.
Transgender have, as I understand it, nothing to do about sexuality. It's simply about the gender.
Now it might be quite complicated, but I'll do my best to explain:
1. There are people who don't wanna change their actual gender, but might feel attracted to wearing clothes from the other gender. To keep it simple: A male in a females clothes, or maybe opposite. If you meet such person, then you will notice it right away. I joined a big party some years ago. Suddenly, a guy with a deep voice greets me, and called himself a females name. Right after he started to laugh because he saw my cane. He noticed I couldn't see the clothes he was wearing, so he explained it to me. I got surprised, but it was also really fun. He was ment to be seen as a guy in female clothes, because that's what he wanted to be.
2. Then, there are people who try their best to look like the opposite gender. Those are people who might want to change their gender in the future, people who like to switch between their real gender and the opposite gender, or for whatever reason try to look like the opposite gender.
3. Then, there are people who seriously go all in for changing their gender, and I mean, completely change their gender, so you would never notice if they don't say so.
Those people does feel like they are trapped in the wrong body, having the wrong gender, which doesn't fit to them. Some people get that feeling very early in life, and others get this feeling later.
It might start to make sense if you imagine, that you were born with a tail. Wouldn't that feel strange? Properly, it would for sure. You want it removed...
Transgender people who wanna change for real can go through quite a big process to make that happen. This process involves a lot between hormones, operations and lots of other things.
The hormones is able to change the body so much, that you cannot see, hear or feel the difference between a transgender person who has changed, and a person who originally is born as the same gender. The whole body starts to change. Hands and feed starts to change, the voice changes and so much changes, that if done successfully, then you cannot hear or see any differences at all.
If a person wants a complete change of the gender, then some operations is also required. I won't go into details here because of a lot of reasons. But you can easily look that up on Google if you are interested in knowing more about this.
People who are transgender is not a choice. It is just what they are, because they don't fit in the body they are born in.
Conclusion.
After having read all this, I hope it makes more sense to you what it's all about. All this is written out from my point of view. Other people who are gay might have other opinions about those things. Therefore I must conclude, that people experience things differently, might have multiple opinions out from their own experiences, and therefore I find it strange, that there can be so huge a discussion out of something, which a lot of those people who have joined the discussion have never experienced them self before.
This discussion shows the importance of being openminded, and tell what it's all about. Otherwise, how should people know?
If you still think it's wrong to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or whatever, then I have the following questions for you to think about:
1. How would you react, if your very best friend tells you in a few hours, that he/she is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender? Are you ready to drop this friend just because of that? Remember: Your friend will not change the personality just because of that.
2. Do you have the right to make your opinions out from what other people feel, which is far away from your own feelings? How can you even discuss anything, which is that much far away from your own feelings? People who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender does not make a huge discussion about what you feel and your sexuality, just because they feel different.
If you can't accept people who are different than you, how can you then assume that people will accept you as you are?
The world is currently changing world wide, meaning that all people, no matter what, is going to be accepted. If you cannot accept other people as they are, then I hope you'll improve over time. Otherwise, you cannot assume to be accepted yourself, and you will start to feel tough times in the future.
The best thing is to meet people openminded. If there is something you don't understand, then don't be afraid to ask. The worst thing you can do is make your opinions about something, which you don't know anything about, and then start to say bad things about it.
Feel free to ask if you have any questions.
There are a lot of comments in this topic, who I would like to answer directly. But it took much longer time than expected to write all this in this post, so I haven't had the time to answer people directly yet. But I might do that later on.
Anyway, I hope some of you find all this somewhat useful...
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