Re: I have no passion in life
Hi all.
Join the club.
I have skimmed through a few posts on here.
Well the first page mainly.
I can relate to all of this.
I was in a normal school back in the early 90s with some special teaching and other stuff chucked in, being one of the first in my country to get educated being blind is quite new to new Zealand or at least in the early 80s it was, I probably didn't get as good a time as I would have now apparently from friends in the industry its a whole lot better now.
We even have our own union type deal so its not that bad now.
After school I took a carrior course and flatting course at the same time over a year.
Many encouragements and motivational bits went down.
Chosing a job, etc.
That started to unravel as soon as I left the course.
Everything from slack case managers to faulty equipment, late arriving technology and software and some communication issues with some of my course marks cut me off at the balls
quick quickly.
I learned by the time I was 26 that not only had I wasted my time even trying to look for work but that I may have as well stayed poor helpless retarded and ignorant for all it would do.
I knew what was out there and what I was missing.
So I understand now what its like for those that don't want to interact.
To be honest if you gave me the chance to go back in time and stay the poor and helpless blind I was I'd probably take it.
Its a sore point that I know a lot of what is out there yet its helped me little.
Early this year I got suggested to me that I should
1, look for a job again even though some stuff had changed a bit.
and 2 join a social club.
I started on the road to do that but it took a lot of courage.
And I can't fucking do it!
I am wayed down by the baggage that I had when I was yunger.
The disapointments, the late tech the non working stuff the slack people, the fact I never went a
nywhere.
I am convinced this is majorly holding me back.
But if it didn't end when it did I'd probably comit suiside.
I really don't want to go through that again.
I am afraid to go through it again.
Yet I know I need to get at least something going at some point.
I have no answers.
Worse due to visual things my qualifications are just no good, I have no real world offline experience for real work.
The fact I type about this is only slightly an improvement.
I know for at least the next 30 or so years I am probably safe but then what?
I used to laugh when I was yunger.
Thinking one day I'd just end up in a spam home in bed waiting to die.
Sometimes I wander if that's not coming true.
Worse you talk to those that are not blind or whatever and they probably have a hard time getting into it because they are not there themselves.
I have no answer to my dilemma.
I am sure if I can get
passed this block and actually have some way to get to where I need to be, I'll be ok.
But the bad stuff is holding me back and weighing on me.
Shifting it I just can't do myself.
I also don't know where to actually go having exhausted job lists, sites, and local employment facilities at my disposal I am sure online is probably the only place I can probably find something.
The fact that I am even talking on this though means I am at my high point having had some good times this week.
It doesn't take much to go back to normal though.
I rarely get motivated to even talk about all this.
I don't need sympathy though I need some way to sort stuff which is not the mainstream.
If I get something maybe I look at it, if not well.
Talking about school, its interesting.
When I was at school I wished I was home playing computer games, sleeping all day, etc.
Now I wish I was back at school.
You did what you wer
e told and didn't have to make hard decisions.
Wish I could go back in time and tell myself what a stupid thought that was.
I have friends with interests like me.
sadly most friends I have are disabled themselves.
I don't have normal friends my age really.
But then I am not out that often.
sorry for the ramble
URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=176367#p176367
_______________________________________________ Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
