A bit of a bind
You know those situations where something happens to you and you need help and you don't really want to ask for it because you're afraid everyone's going to fault you for the situation while you beat yourself up about it because you're trying to figure out how you could have prevented the situation? Yes? No? Maybe so? If the answer is no, then I genuinely hope this never happens to you. If the answer is yes, then I hope you can help me, but understand that you may not be able to. If the answer is Maybe? I bet you're the kind of person who can put yourself in my shoes, and at least try to feel my pain.
Short story but none the less true: this last month has been hard. My wife came down with a severe bladder infection around the second week of October. The antibiotic she was prescribed made it worse as she wasn't able to keep anything down. Taking care of her of her until she was able to get back on her own two feet (and yes, I mean that literally,) required nearly two weeks of around the clock effort on my end. I still had to take care of four children as well, three of which are now, thankfully, going to school. That effort took its tole on me. I came down with a cold, felt as down in the dumps as I ever have, lost my voice, still trying to recover it, worked myself into days of fatigue and I'm not sure just how much sleep debt I've accumulated.
So what's the bind, you ask? All of it. There were days during the last month when I honestly just didn't feel like doing a single stinking thing, not even cooking. Meals were ordered... I didn't see it as an issue at the time honestly, and it wouldn't have been, if my rent and electric bills hadn't gone up in price. I'm still trying to figure out the rent thing; the electric I attribute to a couple of things, the biggest being that the month of September really was a hot one here in my neck of the woods. Now, I need $200 to break even, just to keep myself afloat and not overdraft, which I want to avoid doing as that'll keep me in a vicious cycle of late fees and which getting out of will be ever so much more difficult.
We can argue whether this community is full of negativity. We can go back and forth about how we all spend a ton of time tearing each other down. I know, however, that when it comes to helping out its members, this community does it better than any other I have ever been a part of, which is why after agonizing over this ugly and rather stupid post for the past two days I've come down to what I'm writing right now and am writing it with fragile strings of hope. You know that cliche about how every penny counts? It's true with me and my family right now. I don't expect any one person to take the full burden... I don't expect any one person to smash this problem to bits and put it to rest, and I certainly don't expect any one person to do it without me lifting a finger. As it stands I'm looking into energy efficiency programs that'll help deal with the issue in future by lowering the cost/helping to pay for the electric and thereby cover the cost, and any other form of financial assistance I can somehow manage to apply for.
But the issue right now is that payments need to be made yesterday and I can't cover them all without doing more than going broke. It's not like I feel justified in asking this community for assistance because of all of the hours I've put into helping across hundreds of posts or anything like that... I don't. I hate it! I don't want to hit send! I want to put together some sort of musical project and hope like the greatest optimist that such a thing would pay my way!
But such a thing is far from garunteed success, and I don't know how long it would take to put it together in a way that would cover what I need right now, so if there's anything you can afford to give I can honestly say I'd apreciate it more than words will tell. I've tentatively asked my parents, but they're in a worse situation than mine. They themselves just had to borrow money to cover for a surgical procedure my mother needed done to deal with breast cancer. I'm fully aware that this Covid chrisis is making it hard on all of us, but in a desperate atempt to stay as truthful and honest as I can while doing my best to be a beneficial member of society in any semblance... I'm bowing down to the cold, hard reality that is life right now and just uttering that word I try not to say if I don't have to... Help?
If you feel you can donate anything, anything at all, please do so via paypal to ajmdream...@gmail.com and I'll gladly thank you a thousand times. I'm going to conclude this post by simply saying again that if you cannot I won't hold it against you, but if you have read thus far, that I thank you for reading all the same. It's times like these when I hate money; it's inescapable grip on society has made me suffer more times than I care to admit.
-- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
