A fantastic resource on how to have a lovelife for guys in poticular!
Hello,
After a night where I was millimeters away from having a woman I met 4 hours before spend the night, I started looking for ways I could have improved my performance.
Dr. NerdLove
was a website that seemed to have answers to many of my questions and also addressed many I had seen on this forum.
It deals with issues from
when to pop the kiss
how to make a kiss mind-blowing
Mindset
Flirting
How to come off as more attractive
How to touch her
and hundreds of other articles. They are chock full of movie examples, pictures with really funny captions (I don't need to know what they are of in order to laugh) and from what I've read, it fits into my experience.
I was considering (and still may) write a blog on my social interactions as a blind person, but this website just answers most of the questions I've had to deal with so beautifully.
I also google the questions I have in relationships and another good place to look (although you need to take what they say with a grain of salt) is wikiHow.
In particular, the articles I read today were:
How to touch a girl
How to Physically Flirt with a Girl
For those who wish to know, I was in the prime environment (which I've never been in before). One of my older friend
s takes a huge thrill out of connecting people both for business and I guess relationships.
He invited me to a concert (for those who don't know, I'm an Opera singer, so am partial to any live music). Unbeknownst to me, he had invited a single girl who was a singer/songwriter along on the ride. So when he picked me up in his car, he went right into the art of match-making. It isn't like they show it on the movies. It was very clever and I'm in awe that my friend was able to pull it off.
He first introduced this girl to me (IDK if it was purposeful or not, her name was the same as one of my Xs who I'm kind of still in love with) and said she was "the Taylor swift of the town". He then had her play some of her music (He told her to play the very best ones that were her favorite) and he guessed I would like.
He also made it quite clear to me right up front that she was single. I believe he had her play a song with a guy singing along wi
th her and of coarse I asked her who that guy was and she said "A friend" and I asked her about the different people she jams with and whatnot. I know that it is very rare for a girl like that to date anyone who is not a musician, so it pretty much put up the "I'm single" flag in my mind.
Second, my friend parked and went off to check into the performance space and left me and the girl to get places in the restaurant alone together. This did two things:
1. It allowed me to do sighted-guide with her which gave me an idea of her physical attractiveness. My friend knew the kind of girls I like (Pretty much slender and not taller than me) and
2. gave us time to talk.
I'm not sure if my friend did this intentionally, but for lack of doubting his mastery, I'll just say he knew it all along for the rest of the story).
It was an Italian eatery and we happened to both be going to Italy in the next couple months.
So we g
ot talking about that and my friend came back. We ordered and the girl and my friend started talking about some guy she wanted to go out with. My friend started giving romantic advice. My panini came and I intently ate my food, trying not to hear the conversation.
But for lack of a better excuse, I'm a very proficient eves-dropper, so If that conversation didn't tell me that this girl was single, I don't know what would have.
It also told me that my friend wanted me to hear this conversation and one of the questions my friend asked her was "Are you willing to be set-up?" Which means "Are you willing to go on a blind date?" And she gave the typical answer that she's willing to, but she needs to know the guy is not a horrible person.
But more importantly, this was basically what my friend had done to me, He had texted me like 5 days before, asking me if I wanted to go to a concert. He wouldn't tell me anything about the conce
rt other than the start time, end time and maybe the cost.
Then when he picked me up it was with this attractive, single lady who was wishing for a boy-friend. My friend asked the questions one should ask of a potential date and made it clear that I knew:
1. the girl drove to his house to drive with him
2. He was way to old for her
3. she was willing and open to a relationship
4. The kind of guys she preferred were musicians, sweet and forward.
5. She was not sure what she wanted in a relationship (She was one of those people who can't make up their minds what they want and are looking for their prince-charming to come sweep them off their feet)
6. He managed to insert into a conversation that he was having fun connecting couples with one another and that is what he had been doing the last couple weeks.
He then introduced us to a couple he had matched a while back and that were going out. At this point I was completely sure t
hat he wanted me to go out with this girl, because of all the clues he had thrown out.
We got to the concert hall and it was this old barbershop (literally) with chairs setup all around. He sat us on this bench that was in the very back (Even though my friend knows I loathe sitting in the back) He set the girl and I together for the first section and this is where the fun part began:
I knew that there was this hot single girl that I was next to and I knew she had been drinking a little (I never drink, but it helps me feel good about my self if I know other people have been lightly drinking around me).
Sadly, this is where I started flubbing up. I'm great at getting dates with girls (First dates are my specialty), but my friend wanted me to sweep this girl off her feet and he knew this was my weakness.
He let me try for the first half, and I tried a little of the touching above, the knee touching, the arm touching, the hand-lingering when they give you
something and that went great. She was totally receptive and by this point I think she knew that I liked her, but she also knew that I knew that she had a crush on a guy already. She didn't get that my friend was saying that the guy she wanted to be with was a horrible person and to go with me, instead, but she was receptive to touching, although only did the smallest amount back.
There was a break in the concert and the girl asked me if I wanted to go outside with her. I said sure and we went out and sadly it was a very hot night and there was no warm hugging .
But, It did give me a chance to do the pull away bit where I start talking to the other guys in front of her and talk to older people very charmingly. (Girls, in my experience don't like to feel like they are everything you obsess over, they like to know that you can communicate with other people).
Anyways,
when we went back my friend put us on the very corner seat, so we were probably the least conspicuous out of everyone. This was where my skills hit the cap, as I got scared to make any more intimate moves in public. The public moves I know entail placing my hand near her leg, actually touching her leg, and trying to capture her hand if it is near. This was kind of difficult to do in this area and although she was much more receptive and was doing a lot more of the touching the second half, it was no more than the stage one stuff. She hinted at going farther, but was not very sure of herself.
She went on stage and performed at the open mic section and when she came back I told her, honestly, that she was the best one and while doing that, gave her the side hug. Then I went up and sang Some Enchanted Evening.
After that, I think she was giving me queues to go farther, but I didn't really know what to do. She was leaning forward, preening her hair, she took out a little
thing of beads she had in her hair so that it was totally down and while she was doing that she was brushing up against me with her elbow and arm.
I asked her questions and gave her the side hug at the same time, but that was about all I could think of doing.
My friend noticed that I was having some problems, so he tried to give me signals that went over my head (Don't ask because they went over my head).
He finally did the back rub on me and sadly, when I figured out he wanted me to do that on her, it was time for us to go.
We got in the car and I again told her how amazing she was and my friend asked her to sing another one of her songs. She did and she went off on the guy she wanted to date and how they met and whatnot. My friend started telling her how to get a date and how to get a date 101. He asked me if I wanted to come back to the house with him and the girl where the girl would then drive home.
This said 2 things to me:
1. I could stay l
onger at his house with her
2. the girl could take me home.
So I said yes.
We got to his house and I got out of the car and reached out my hand to help her out. I don't think she saw it because she was very preoccupied with what my friend was saying... (The guy was not worth her time, her other 23 year old friends really don't know what 23 year old guys get from conversations and he's been in that situation before)
She went into the house and up the stairs. I followed and when I got to the top, she put her hand on my shoulder and we started to have one of those kiss moments. My friend walked up the stairs at that point and she gave him some look. My friend asked "What's that look for?" and the girl said "Nothing"...
She finished her conversation with my friend and my friend made me look like her prince charming as I stood their all macho. Then I think she picked up what he was trying to do when he asked if she could gi
ve me a ride. She said sure then got all cranky when we got into the car. I quipped a couple jokes that she kind of laughed at and started talking with her about normal first-date stuff. She missed my house 3 times, so I'm not sure if it was be cause she was really really tired or because she was distracted, or both, but I did something unforgivable and didn't pick up how tired she was and thought she would pull into my house on her second try (I live in a row of 4 houses and it is impossible to tell what one is what. She tried reading the signs and couldn't, so she had to dig for her glasses and she was getting frustrated. I've had it happen before where we are able to talk for a while if the girl finds my house and parks there. But this was not one of those times. She finally pulled into my neighbors and I got out of the car. She offered me her hand this time instead of her arm, so I took it. She slowly walked with me to the door and I tried talking to her. I t
hink she was getting cranky at that point, so when we got to my house, I asked her for her number. She waited like 5 seconds for me to get my note-taker to get ready and because it takes 7 seconds, she said "Ask your friend for my number, I've got to get home." It was midnight and she did live an hour away, so I didn't take the abrupt dismissal too hard.
I told my friend what happened and he was sad I didn't manage to keep her from going, but he said wait a couple days and FB her.
I am in the midst of chasing down another girl, so I'm not taking it too hard, but that is what inspired this post.
Now I have a little more idea of what touching is appropriate and I know that first-timers to my house should not be expected to find it, no matter how much I wish them to. We will see what becomes of this and I'm going to follow my friend's advice to the hilt. He knows this girl much better than I, so we'll see what happens!
I have many experiences like this and the above accounts are what I find missing on boards like this. It took a little while to write, so I would like to know what people thought of it. Also, please ask me questions. I have had 3 pretty serious girlfriends, and I've gone on many dates. Although I'm in no way an expert, I tend to remember each date very vividly and can comment in detail what I did and what happened..
Please let me know your thoughts!
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