Re: Drama in the blind comunity, why does it happen?
I, too, went to mainstream school, and it helped. My social skills aren't perfect (I feel like I'm probably in the camp of folks like Canlorn, who get it right more than they don't but aren't wholly immune to the traps blind folks fall into) but on the whole, I've been told I do well. I have a pretty honest social circle, most of which is made up of sighted folks I'd trust to kick my ass if I was doing something unacceptable, and it rarely comes up.
Like you, Nocturnis, I often find myself feeling judgmental about certain behaviours I come across in communities like this. Anyaudio? Cringe cringe fucking cringe for like 98% of those videos. I can't help that feeling. I just don't go out of my way to blast the people who made those clips, because why bother? Everyone has their own thing, I guess.
In my social work program, I was taught a great deal about things like body language. For instance, if you're conversing with someone and it's just an average conversation where you're not overly pissed off or excited or scared, put your shoulders back, put your feet on the floor (or curl up, if that's your thing, I do that a lot, believe it or not) and make sure to turn your head such that you're more or less facing that person head-on. Note: don't sit cross-legged in a job interview or anything, but if you're on your friend's couch with your shoes off and it's socially permissible in that setting, go nuts). Don't hunch forward, constantly tap things, bob your head or toy with your hands, hair or clothing. This will give the impression that you're restless or upset, or straight-up bored, and unless you -are one of those things, that's not an impression you want to be giving, especially when it can be so easily misinterpreted. Nobody, absolutely nobody, gets this right every time, by the way, so while it's good to pay attention to it, don't sweat it if you're not perfect.
Nocturnis, a very gentle piece of advice, if I may:
You mention the scenario that happens to you almost daily, where your wife sounds exhausted or wrung out, and you ask if she's mad at you. First of all, you have taken the first and biggest step in realizing that asking this question over and over is a problem. You got there, so go a little further. It's natural to hear that tone of voice and, because you're under stress, get that shivery little sinking feeling in your gut that says, "Aww shit, this time something's wrong". You may not be able to stop that feeling, but there are specifically better ways to deal with it. The most straightforward of these is just this: when you hear your wife's voice sound harried and impatient, stop. Pause. Give yourself a moment to ask yourself if she has genuine reason to be upset with you. If she does, then you can address that. But if she doesn't, you can make the safe bet that she only sounds this way because she's tired, in pain or just plain done with whatever she's dealing with. You seem to know most of this already, so good on you. Now, in practical terms, when she sounds like this, it's okay to bring it up if you think it's necessary, but rather than ask, "you mad at me?", ask "is there anything I can do to help?", or even more simply, "You doing okay?" Or, if you don't want to ask the question because you know the answer, and the answer is "nothing", and it will just depress you both and make you both feel helpless, tell her that you love her. Tell her something affirmative, even if it's simple. Tell her that you're going to get through this together. Tell her that it's going to get better.
I won't go into a lot of specifics on this, but my partner had a lot of mental health issues. She often sounded kind of ticked off even when she wasn't (I don't mean boiling with rage here, just...sort of vexed all the time). At first I did ask a lot if she was upset with me, but one day she came straight out and told me that if she was upset, she'd tell me. After that, I sort of gave myself a shake, and when I'd hear that tone creeping into her voice, I'd just try and support her. "Hey, we're gonna do this one day at a time, okay?" or "I just want you to know that I think you're tough as hell. No, seriously. I could not do what you're doing right now, so you should be proud of that." Or I'd try to make her laugh. My relationship ultimately didn't work - I'm still wrestling with that - but our communication absolutely was not the reason.
All this is a far cry from talk of drama. But there is often a serious disconnect between what people experience online and what they experience in person.
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