Re: I have been here for 1 year now.
Long and possibly amusing, or disastrous post incoming, depending on who reads it and who you ask, but first... I must defend myself against unfounded accusations!
@GrannyCheeseWheel, psychological manipulation? Me? Are you accusing, me? What is this! Answer your own question! Why indeed! Why would someone like me ever... I mean, in all honesty and sincerity, you could just hate the posts and then not click the thumbs up button. You could hate them on the basis that you believe some sort of mental trickery is taking place! You could hate them on the grounds that they're poorly worded! You could choose to not read them when the name Nocturnus rears its ugly letters! You could... Why are you still reading this kerfuffle! Seriously! You've gotten no more insight from reading this particular post than you did from post 4 and...
In all seriousness I sometimes take the satire thing far over the top and I don't even know where I'm running with it. Psychological manipulation? If it means it makes you laugh, then yeah... I'm guilty and take the bait and bite. I like making people laugh. I just don't do stand up comedy because I know I'm not that level of funny. I know there are people who will go ha ha at just about anything, and that is doubled when you tell them this is a comedy show, but I'm not trying to be some sort of Charlatan out to get easy cash for close to no effort. Hmmm, Still, just for possible laughs, what would a comedy performance by yours truly be like? Lets see here...
The announcer steps up to the microphone and assumes a meak posture, as if even he is unsure of what he's doing up there in front of a crowd of people. He has been given the script beforehand but he wonders if any of this is worth doing, which just adds to the level of meakeness and shyness he is exhibiting on stage. From the audience's perspective it's hard to know if this is an act or if he truly feels awkward and uncomfortable at the role he's been asigned.
"Ladies and gentlemen... I'm here to tel you all that you've just spent a load of money to uh, well, to pay attention to a truly crazy guy! For the next hour! Do you realize just how crazy that is? We promise you'll be sorry for this later, but your tickets are nonrefundable and were so as soon as you sat down and made yourselves at home! We ask that after the show you kindly tell us what you were thinking before you entered this wonderful venue which has seen much better performances, and what you're thinking now the show is over!
Incidentally, our guest tonight would also like me to add the following." The announcer dramatically pauses and emphatically clears his throat. "Nocturnus, king of the popcollective creation would like to welcome you to his world of idiocies by letting you know he is not responsible for any positivity you may suffer from them. He is not to be held accountable for any laughter, giddiness, cheerfullness, smiles, or other forms of contentment you might experience. Additionally, he would also like you to know that the emergency doors to this establishment are working properly in the event that you should need to make a hasty retreat and act as if you were never here. On the other hand, should you experience feelings of negativity, resentment, doubt, anger, etc etc, he suggests that you take all of the trash hurling and bottle throwing and keep it to a minimum as he will not be taking any physical personal insults seriously and you will be doing yourself a disservice in the wasting of your time, effort and material possessions. All such items should go in their proper recepticles and stay off the venue grounds which the staff here work so hard to maintain. do them a favor by not making more work for them and allowing them to be paid for doing less!"
The announcer takes another dramatic five second pause before continuing. "And now, the moment you've all not been waiting for but which you knew was coming since those ridiculous billboards hit your city, straight from nowheresville nowhere at the center of nothing and and infinite number of possibilities they call Texas, standingn at roughly 5 feet, 9 inches, weighing in at 175 pounds without the quad stacker from burgerking, with an average gaming winning streak of less than 0 against all of his greatest online opponents, the one and only nightmare you've ever had and never wanted to meet, Nocturuns... I mean, Nocturnus!"
Nocturnus, a slender, blue-eyed man with an arguably long nose and a slightly dimpled chin strolls casually to the stage as if he's simply walking through a moonlit street with no care in the world. Just before reaching the stage he veers slightly away from it and bumps into an unnamed individual standing close by. Both fall to the floor and begin flailing and shouting. In the flurry of limbs that follows which almost seems like a purposefully choreographed wrestling match, you distinctly think you can hear Nocturnus yelling, "What's the matter with you! Can't you see where you're going?"
The fight finally ends with Nocturnus pulling himself away from the other individual. Before turning back to the stage he gives the man who is still lying on the ground a kick in the
caboose. He continues up the stage as if his walk hasn't been interrupted.
An expensive looking silver mic sits on an equally expensive looking stand awaiting his use. He stops before mic and stand, pausing to seemingly study the device and its mount with his thin, long-fingered hands. Just as casually, he swipes at the mic and kicks the stand off the stage. The mic goes flying and a rather undescribable load of deep thumps and thuds fills the venue for a few seconds. As if nothing worth speaking of has happened, Nocturnus seems to flip a switch on his shirt and, in a nonchalant, almost monotone manner says, "We didn't need that piece of crap anyway."
He then taps at his shirt and you hear a set of thumps over strategically placed speakers. "this thing is working, right?"
A pause follows during which a general noise of ascent from the audience can be heard. Nocturnus pretends not to hear it. Cocking his head toward the audience, seeming to favor his right ear, he continues... "I asked if this thing is working... It is working, right?"
The audience shouts, "right!"
"right?"
right!"
"right?"
"right!"
The repetitions are coming along faster...
"right?"
"right!"
"Left?"
some people in the audience manage to avoid the general confusion by yelling "Left..." repeating after Nocturnus. Others are chuckling appreciatively.
"Left?"
"Left!"
"Forward?"
laughter and some forwards.
"shut up! We're not making music here! At least, not tonight!"
Pause and more sounds of general delight.
"think that guy over there just fell out of his chair... I dunno, maybe he just invented dancing with style."
Laughter. Nocturnus seems to notice there's something under his shoe. He stoops to pick it up. It's a piece of paper.
"what the blazes is this!"
He holds it up in front of him.
"A blank page of paper? Is this some sort of joke?"
He turns it to the audience which can clearly see there are letters printed on it. Everyone is laughing.
"That's not funny! I'm looking at a blank piece of paper up here! There's cams in this place, right? Someone needs to check the security tapes and fine the sorry twit responsible for littering..."
More laughter. The piece of paper is clearly a copy of the script that was read priar to Nocturnus walking to the stage.
"That's, not, funny! Do you have any idea how hard these people work? I do! for the love of all, I just had to stoop down to pick up this here piece of..."
More laughter. Someone starts shouting and others follow up, turning the words into a chant. "Script! Script, it's the script!"
"the script? Are you accusing me of scripting this show? do you have any idea how bad a memory I have? To script this thing I'd have to remember all of it and..."
the laughter continues and the chant changes a bit. "Not your script! Not your script!"
"Not my script? You mean that guy who was up here earlier was..."
Applause and cheering.
"and here was me getting ready to thank him! Who wrote this piece of garbage anyway!"
Nocturnus pauses, allowing the audience to do what they will with the time before he begins speaking again.
"anyway, this is the moment you all needed... to take a look at your smart devices."
There is clearly a few people in the audience who are unsure if this is the beginning of a poorly made joke...
"Nah, seriously! If you got a text, an FB post, a snapchat, a tweet you wana look at, right now's the time! I'll never see you doing it! You can give your attention to other matters more important than my insanity! come on, lets go! How many people here have smartphone! Raise your smartphone in the air if you have one!"
There is a pause during which everyone in the audience quickly raises their smartphone before returning them to pockets, purses and other places of general confinement.
"No smartphones in this friggin place?"
Nocturnus raises Apple's latest iPhone as a look of disbelief crosses his face.
"I think I have a room full of hopeless people who don't know tech, or a room full of liars!"
yeah yeah, I'm done... Not funny, see?
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