A Public Apology
Hi, folks,
The more observant among you might have realized that it's been nearly a month since my last post here on the forum. I'm here to explain some of that, and to offer an apology to every one of you that I may have let down in so doing.
I'm not going to go into a ton of personal detail here, but I'll sketch the outlines of what has been happening in my life in such a way as to hopefully help you understand why this topic even has to exist.
First, I've been feeling off and on unwell for quite awhile now. I have had intermittent stomach problems for my entire life, and over the last couple of months, they seem to have changed a little. I'm investigating it, and there doesn't seem to be anything horribly wrong with me, but it's still been tough to deal with. The smell of food has been making me nauseous enough that there were two and three-day periods where I was eating meals one bite at a time, over a period of hours, if at all. I've been tired and listless (more on this later), and while I haven't experienced any real pain, I've been quite uncomfortable a good deal of the time. I am changing my diet and now taking some pills which seem to be helping, so let's hope I've experienced the worst of my physical ailments.
Second, I've also been mentally unwell. I'm not suicidal and I'm not self-harming (unless you count the weird eating/food stuff as a form of self-harm, that is), but I have felt extremely small, insignificant and alone for quite awhile now, and those feelings sort of bubbled over during the last month and a half or so. I live alone and am not getting enough human contact, and that's making things worse. I know full well that some people have it way worse than I do, but for me, it's been plenty bad enough. At last check, I do not have clinical depression, but this period is probably the second or third lowest of my life. And it just so happened to coincide with physical symptoms. In fact, knowing what I do about concurrent disorders, they probably fed off each other a bit. If any of you know how this feels, you have my profoundest sympathies.
I was not active here on the forum, nor on the discord server. I wasn't really checking in with anyone, except to occasionally muck about on Facebook or YouTube, and even that was spotty. I read a lot, slept a lot, lay in bed a lot, and ultimately did not perform my duties as an admin of this forum. For that, I humbly apologize. I should have informed the staff team, at least, far sooner than I did. I have since done so, and the general consensus seems to be that while they would definitely have appreciated better notice, they understand the way that life can sometimes kick a person in the teeth. I'm here today telling you this because I know that I bear responsibility for my inactions. I vow to be better about this in future.
I hope that for most of you, this candid explanation is enough to explain and perhaps even excuse my absence. For the rest, I'd like to point out that this is really the first time I've done such a thing, so my silence is not an indicator of pattern behaviour. You can reasonably expect not to have to deal with this from me going forward. If in future I feel that I can no longer fulfill my role on the team, I will resign from my position. Failing that, if I am overwhelmed and needing a break, I promise to inform the team first rather than after the worst is over. I would generally rather give notice than ask forgiveness, after all.
The staff team at large appears to have been going through a period of lower activity lately. I cannot and will not speak for other members of the team as to why this is the case, but I want to reassure you, as a current administrator, that yes, we're still here, and yes, we do care about you. We intend to do what we said we would, and are working hard to get back on track.
Once again, I apologize for these complications, and vow to do my part to make right by those of you I have upset or disappointed by my inaction.
-- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
