bbc.co.uk -> Parenting -> Pregnancy
Coping with advice
By: Heather Welford
Friends and family may be happy at the news of your pregnancy,
but the downside can be that they all think they're experts.
That's not how we did it in my day...
You may find that people feel quite free to give you unsolicited
advice and opinions on your behaviour, diet, and your birth and
feeding choices, not to mention your choice of names, school and
travel plans.
A pregnant women doing something as everyday as having a cup of
coffee might be questioned about her choices: "Should you be
drinking that?"
People can make assumptions too, often based on nothing more
than what happened to them or what they'd like to have happened.
"Oh, you don't want to have an epidural! I had one and it didn't
suit me at all - I had a headache for days afterwards!"
"I expect you'll be getting a nanny/bringing up the baby on your
own/changing your job/moving house/getting a different car..."
The advice list is endless, and at it's worst, is intrusive and
unsettling.
Dealing with anxiety
Being pregnant and having babies is an adventure. Yes it's
exciting, but it isn't without its challenges and risks. You're
bound to have some concerns and anxieties about the future,
about how you'll cope and about your and your baby's health.
This makes you especially vulnerable to the negative effects of
other people's opinions and experiences.
Ways to cope better:
* Thank people for their concern - then carry on as you were
* Keep yourself informed - use a reliable and trusted source
* Speak your mind - if you're tired of other people's
opinions, be assertive and say:
"Thanks, but I think I can make up my own mind"
* Mix with people you can rely on not to worry you - other
parents at your antenatal class, for example
* Talk with your partner - you can reassure each other
* See the funny side - interpret people's concern as interest
rather than interference, and try to enjoy being the centre
of attention
Checking information
Look at the source of information. Check where it's come from,
who's saying it and when it was said. A research paper from a
respected medical journal is likely to be worth taking more
seriously than a snippet from a magazine, for example.
Ask someone whose opinion you trust about what you've heard or
read. Talk to your midwife at your next antenatal appointment,
or if it's really bothering you, phone the clinic.
Ask yourself whether it fits with what you already know. Does it,
in other words, sound as if it makes sense?
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