Our son Matthew, at age two was a very focused child. He would become so engrossed in a play activity that it was difficult for him to let go when it was time to leave. one day when he was playing and it was time for us to depart (we were late for an appointment), Martha scooped Matthew up and carried him to the door. Matthew protested with a typical two-year-old tantrum. At first she had the usual "Hey, I'm in charge here" feelings and felt that she was justified in expecting Matthew to obey quickly and be willing to leave his toys. But as Martha was carrying the flailing child out the door, she realized that her discipline gauge was out of balance and she was not handling things in the best way. Her actions were a result of her need to leave, but they didn't take into account Matthew's need for advance warning and a more gradual transition. She realized it wasn't in Matthew's nature to switch gears quickly, even if we did have a deadline. He was not defying her. He was just being true to himself. He needed more time to let go of his activities. So she calmly took him back to the play setting, sat down with him and together they said "Bye-bye toys, bye-bye trucks, bye-bye cars," until he could comfortably release himself from his activities. It only took a couple of minutes, time that would otherwise have been wasted struggling with Matthew in the car. This was not a "technique" or "method"; this disciplinary action evolved naturally from the mutual respect between parent and child and the knowledge that Martha had about Matthew. At the end of this exercise Martha felt right because it had accomplished what she wanted - getting Matthew out of the house with the least amount of hassle. She taught him a method of releasing himself from an activity without resorting to a tantrum. That's what discipline is all about. Realizing how much better discipline worked when we considered our children's needs in our decisions was a major turning point for us. Initially, we had to work through the fear that we were letting our children manipulate us, because we had read, heard from others, and grown up with the idea that good parents are always in control. We found, however, that considering our child's point of view actually helped us take charge of them. Knowing our children became the key to knowing how to discipline them. They knew we were in charge because we were able to help them obey. That left no doubt in their minds or ours that Mom and Dad knew best. ------to be continued---- __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Get email alerts & NEW webcam video instant messaging with Yahoo! Messenger http://im.yahoo.com >> Kirim bunga dukacita, ucapan selamat dll ke mancanegara? Klik, >http://www.indokado.com/international/ >> Info balita, http://www.balita-anda.indoglobal.com Etika berinternet, email ke: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Stop berlangganan, e-mail ke: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
