Banana: DG Regimental Rules and Obligations

[Mark Rogers]

To  Officers and Men of the Dragoon Guard
From  Brigadier le Marquis Coward de Custaad Co DG HM CoE

Dragoon Guards Regimental Rules and Obligations

Adapted and Abridged from
Colonel d'Erring version August 1671 which in turn was based upon
All former publications by the Regimental CO's of the Dragoon Guards

Gentlemen we have been lax in our obligation to uphold the illustrious traditions of the Dragoon Guards hence forth take heed of this reminder of how to conduct oneself

REGIMENTAL OBJECTIVES

1 To defeat the King's enemies
2 To taunt the QOC
3 To humiliate the QOC in duelling especially by putting in the boot
4 To extirpate the use of wigs in society in general and the Army in particular
5 To maintain friendly relations with the GDMD



REGIMENTAL TRADITIONS

The Regiment has three main traditions with which new recruits should familiarize themselves as soon as possible to wit

1 Regimental Orders are always written with no punctuation

2 Wigs of any kind are never tolerated without express permission being totally at odds with the concept of a fighting regiment

Possession of a wig without the written permission of the Commanding Officer will put the owner at risk of regimental punishment

In order to receive special exemptions from this tradition it is necessary to complete forms PWW1 Permission to wear wig on Duty PWW2 Permission to wear Wig at regimental events and PWW3 Permission to wear wig in the Field

3 In order to ensure that our recruits are of the highest possible calibre regardless of their personal wealth or family connections deserving gentlemen of limited means are subsidised to the extent of a horse and a subalterns commission to the value of 220 crowns upon signing up


THE LADIES

Duelling between members of the regiment which would bring the regiment into unthinkable disrepute will not be tolerated in any circumstances so parties giving cause to other members of the regiment are required upon being challenged to refuse the challenge and apologize despite the loss of face which this will incur

To prevent impromptu duels between regimental members all are required to decline duels against regimental members of superior rank and are advised to decline ALL duels within other members of the regiment

1 Any member of the regiment having a romantic interest in a lady of Paris must declare said interest to each and every other member of the regiment before embarking upon flower purchase in order to attain suitable gifts for future presentation upon said ladys doorstep

2 Any lady in whom a member of the regiment has declared a romantic interest is to be considered strictly off limits by any other member of the regiment until said interest is formally withdrawn so if in doubt ask said member before embarking on flower purchase



THE FRONT

The reputation of the Dragoon Guards rests largely on its previous sterling performances at the front so in order to maintain this reputation into the future the following measures will be taken

1 Regimental Adjutants will be chosen solely on the basis of military ability and a small bursary will be attached to the post

2 Officers seeking command positions whose military ability leaves something to be desired will be encouraged to attend the Military Academy in order to rectify this

Under no circumstances will Squadron Commanders volunteer their commands to the front without the express permission of the Regimental Commander

The first duty of a soldier is survive as high casualty rates reflect very badly upon the regiment so those who survive long enough will find mentions in despatches and promotions accruing automatically

Poltroonery will never be tolerated and if discovered perpetrators will find that a glorious death would have been far preferable


DISAGREEMENTS WITH SUPERIOR OFFICERS

Any officer feeling that he has a valid grievance against a superior officer which has proven impossible to resolve privately is free to acquaint the CO of the event the CO being involved with the details and having heard both sides that person will make a final ruling on the matter  which will not be subject to appeal

Officers airing such grievances in the press can expect short shrift however and officers badmouthing their superiors publicly as eroding the chain of command in this way is extremely detrimental to morale and will not be tolerated


REGIMENTAL DINNERS

The CO of the regiment will host Regimental Dinners in the months of April October and January where Ladies will be welcome all costs will be paid and all officers not serving at the front will be required to attend


DUELLING

The reputation of any regiment is closely connected to the duelling prowess of its members and this is an area in which it is expected members of the Dragoon Guards to excel by winning at least 4 duels out of 5

Putting the Boot in is a perfectly acceptable duelling manoeuvre and should be practiced at every opportunity


PURCHASE OF COMMISSIONS

If a vacancy appears at the level of captain or above this will be reserved for purchase by the officer who has spent the longest time at the rank below but should the officer in question decline to purchase the superior rank for any reason it will be offered to the next most senior officer at that rank and so on albeit that senior serving officers are expected to apply for a higher rank immediately it becomes available if they are of adequate standing

Purchase of a commission other than in the circumstances above is a breach of regimental protocol as would be the courting of a fellow officers wife or mistress and those guilty of unauthorized commission purchase in this fashion will be held in the same contempt that they have shown for their brothers in arms and ordered to resign their unauthorized commission and reapply to their previous rank or face penalties as decided by the Commanding Officer at the time


CONCLUSION

I hope that your career in the Dragoon Guards will be a successful and rewarding one and if I may can ever be of assistance please do not hesitate to contact me or Lt Colonel Leplee if I am unavailable

Welcome to the Dragoon Guards
Brigadier de Custaad
OC The Dragoon Guards
August 1673


PS I may shortly be reviewing these protocols with Lt Colonel Leplee if you have any concerns please express them at once