BANANA: A Response to the CoPS from Colonial Governor of Haiti

[George W. Harris]

To: Colonel Vicomte Renald le Blanc, 4th Arquebusiers, Commissioner of Public Safety
From: Brigadier General Duc Jean Senior, Jr, Governor of His Majesty's Colony of Haiti

Vicomte:

It was good to hear from you. You will be pleased to hear that your representative arrived safely and has conducted his investigation with complete cooperation from me. I was pleased to discover that you had obtained the appointment for Commissioner of Public Safety; if you recall, we had some discussions regarding that very post before I left for my current post. I believe your cousin, Noir le Blanc, also briefly held the post you currently fill during my administration. Before his untimely and suspicious demise, he had corresponded to me regarding evidence that there was a 'viper at the breast of the realm', as he put it, and I enclose a copy of that correspondence; you might wish to investigate if that file is still in the Commissioner's office, or if it has mysteriously vanished. Following your cousin's death, I repeatedly urged his successor, de Sevigny, to investigate, but he was curiously reluctant. This was before I discovered that de Sevigny was de Mylcandonai's creature.

I must confess I was not surprised to receive your representative, not because there is any substance to the allegations against me (as he discovered there is not), but because I feared it was inevitable that de Mylcandonai would worm his way into the Ministry of State. You have no doubt learned that de Mylcandonai is not reluctant to abuse the powers of office in order to pursue petty vendettas against those whom he imagines have slighted him; I would be very surprised to learn that he is not urging you to investigate a fomer officer of the Dragoon Guards who had the temerity to show personal initiative with respect to advancement of rank.

As your representative will report to you, he has examined the records of tax revenues and disbursements we have, included copies of invoices of shipments of taxes to His Majesty, cosigned both by myself and by the agent of the Exchequer who excorted the shipments, and confirmed that if there has been any diversion of funds it has been after those funds have left this island. You might wish to investigate the office in France responsible for those funds. Fortuitously, I have discovered that the office of Minister of Colonial Affairs is currently vacant, and the Minister of State is administering the colonies at the moment.

Your representative also requested some information regarding events during my term as Minister of State. Fortunately, since the de Sapeur affair, I have been meticulous in keeping records of all my correspondence, personal and official, knowing that those who place personal ambition above the good of the Realm will frequently attempt to victimize honest servants of His Majesty. I have arranged to have copies made of all relevant correspondence, including letters from the current Minister of State in which he denies the authority of the very office which he now holds, and reports of the disarray of the command structure of His Majesty's forces that are a direct result of de Mylcandonai's refusal to perform his duties as Adjutant General As your representative has discovered and you will no doubt confirm, there is nothing whatsoever of an incriminating nature in these papers. I have no doubt, however, that de Mylcandonai has in his personal possession which incriminate me for treason, blasphemy and the temptation of Eve, which he will certainly forward to you as soon as the ink has dried.

There has been a curious turn of events shortly before your representative was scheduled to leave; another contingent, consisting of Vicomte Tournage and Baron Villeneuve (a man apparently of Portugeuse extraction) arrived as well, bearing some most irregular documents. One of these purported to be a document for my arrest, and another a document appointing Vicomte Tournage to the post I currently hold. However, both of these documents were signed by de Mylcandonai, which is curious since the Minister of State has neither the power to order arrests (which power rests solely with yourself) nor the power to recall or appoint Colonial Governors (which power rests solely with His Royal Majesty). A discussion amongst myself, your representative deCongnac, Villeneuve and Tournage resolved these difficulties, aided somewhat by the presentation of the document of my original appointment to this post, to continue until either my death or by my recall by His Majesty, ssuch appointment sealed with His Majesty's personal seal, as well as a letter from His Majesty to myself in which he expresses his utmost confidence in me and that he expresses his judgment that I was completely uninvolved in any treasonous activity during my government career. Tournage and Villeneuve both agreed that the documents they carried were, even if not completely invalid at the least superceded by those that I held, and they have returned to the continent with deCognac.

It is not my place to make such a judgment, but at my suggestion and with Tournage's and Villeneuve's acquiesence, deCognac has taken possession of those questionable documents, as they appear to indicate that de Mylcandonai may have attempted to abrogate your authority and usurp His Majesty's. You may wish to investigate these matters. I have also enclosed under personal seal copies of my correspondence as Minister of State which you may find fruitful to your investigations.

I now return to my administration of these colonies. I am glad that your office has finally put to rest the malicious allegations against me, and I happily retire completely from the continental scene.

Brigadier General Duc Jean Senior, Jr
Colonial Governor of Haiti.


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Doesn't the fact that there are *exactly* 50 states seem a little suspicious?

George W. Harris [EMAIL PROTECTED]

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