Re:Re [Humore]Theory of Everything these daze

[Moen Creek]

Title: Re:Re [Humore]Theory of Everything these daze





A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of
the
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has
been
tentatively named Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons,
and
224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since
governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected as
it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute
amount
of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete
when it
would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's
mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
some
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to
speculate
that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical
Morass.