*Q & A* ** *I’m very shy and afraid to speak in front of a group of people. A few years ago, I took an anti-depressant for stomach pains. During this period, I was more outgoing and able to talk to people. Did this medication cause me to be more outgoing or am I depressed?*
You identify a number of concerns about yourself: shyness, fear of speaking out and expressing yourself in front of others, some physical complaints (“stomach pains”) and the possibility of depression. Anti-depressants can help with all of these symptoms. Such medications seem to have helped you in the past. Our advice is that you return to the physician who prescribed the anti-depressants for your stomach pains and discuss your present symptoms. Be sure to report that you felt better when you were taking the medication. True depression can be serious and needs to be identified and treated appropriately. You seem to be describing milder forms of self-doubt and insecurity, and you can be helped with those feelings too. *I'm 14 years old. I've been home schooled all my life. I'm always uncomfortable around school kids, even ones my own age. Would you have any suggestions, other than start going to real school?* It is important to know that you are not alone in feeling isolated. No matter what the circumstances, almost all young teenagers feel different and uncomfortable. But home schooling can add to this and make it harder. Here are some suggestions: participate in after-school programs at a “real” school or ask your parents to join a home school group that sponsors group activities, field trips and other social events. If you are musical, athletic, artistic, theatrical or just interested in any of these areas, you might join community recreational center activities, sports groups and teams, drama classes or a local teen orchestra or choir. In addition, you and your parents might read some books on building social skills so that you feel confident in greeting new people, striking up conversations, and initiating friendships. One book you might enjoy is Teen Love: On Friendship by Kimberly Kirberger, Colin Mortensen (Contributor). You should be able to find this in any bookstore or library. *I'm a 14-year-old boy, and have problems meeting new people. However, I’m really involved in local politics. This has made it easy for me give speeches and get along with older people. I just want to know what to do to meet people my own age. I am even afraid to speak to people that sit next to me in class and because of this, I act conceited and arrogant. What should I do?* It sounds like you are a great public speaker, but are pretty shy. It’s not as strange as it might seem. Shy people can often “sell ideas” and make conversation with individuals who are older. They have problems sharing personal information (casual, small talk), and that is what’s required to make friends. Being a great public speaker helps because it lets you know that under safer circumstances you can sell yourself. You have part of the battle won because you realize that your behavior (acting arrogant and conceited) is a defense, and that you aren’t happy with the way things are going for you. You can find some information on TeenGrowth about making friends<http://www.teengrowth.com/index.cfm?action=info_article&ID_article=1342&category=friends&catdesc=Friends&subdesc=Friendship>, but I think you also should consider finding a counselor who helps shy people gain confidence. Many psychologists and some social workers have experience with this common problem. Your doctor should be able to help you find someone. Good luck. *I used to have a really good group of friends. Now, they are all getting into smoking, drugs and sex. I want to find a new group of friends, but I’m shy. How can I figure out who are the type of people I should hang out with, and who will accept me?* You’ve made a very important step already, in recognizing that it’s time to find new friends. Making and keeping good friends is a challenge for all of us, whether we are shy or not. Since you’ve done this successfully before (you had a “really good group of friends,” before they got into dangerous behaviors,) one thing is to think back on how you developed friendships in the past. Probably the best way to make and keep friends is to find others who share your interests. Lasting friendships often develop between people who enjoy the same activities, like participating in sports, music, or after school clubs. You also want to be with friends who share your values and goals for life, and you may find them in church youth groups, scholastic activities like the debate team, or service groups. It just depends on whatever your own interests are. That old saying is also true – that the best way to have a friend is to be a friend. Reach out to the others who share your interests, sit with them at lunch, invite them to join you in the activities you all like, listen to their thoughts and tell them yours. Being a real friend takes time and effort. Although your set of friends will probably change over the years, you may also find “best friends” during your school years that you’ll always stay connected with. -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "BETTER PERSONALITY GROUP" group. To post to this group, send email to better_personal...@googlegroups.com. To unsubscribe from this group, send email to better_personality+unsubscr...@googlegroups.com. For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/better_personality?hl=en.
