This was nowhere as funny as Jerard Hoffnung's original presentation to
the Oxford Union.
Jewel
----- Original Message -----
From: Lenny McHugh
To: Handyman-Blind
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 1:59 AM
Subject: [BlindHandyMan] Bricklayer's accident report
With the recent posts about accidents withmeasuring devices and miter saws, I
thought this would be a welcome read. After all the ruler accidents could be
attributed to "poor planning".
Dear Sir:
"I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block
3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my
accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details
will be sufficient.
I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my
work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were
found to be slightly more than 500 lb. Rather than carry the bricks down by
hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached
to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel
out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope,
holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in
Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lb...
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded
at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured
skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the
accident report form.
Slowed down slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers on my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by
this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to
the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground
and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50
lb. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid
descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I
met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken
tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed
to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and
fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain,
unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of
the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel beginning its journey back
down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your questions.
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