bryon wrote: > Since adoption has come up, I'll throw out a topic I was just thinking > about: > > On my town's mailing list just recently, one parent of two adopted children > asked another poster to refrain from further use of the term "adopt-a-*" > after she asked for donations for a Christmas "Adopt-A-Family" toy donation > charity. He felt that using the word "adopt" applied in ways that were > transient, trivial, and/or non-personal (ie: adopt-a-highway, "adopt this > measure", adopt-a-stray, etc), would confuse his adopted girls and undermine > their confidence and security. They might worry that their adoptions were > also not a permanent or serious thing. > > My own take in this is that he would be better to teach the girls the > distinction between the usages/meanings of the word adopted, rather than > trying to restrict the uasge of the language and potentially making it into > a term that makes the girls wince or be offended when they do hear it. > > But then, I'm not an adopter/adoptee so I may not be properly sensitive to > the issue. Does he have a point? Is using the word adopt in these > alternate ways offensive?
I'm certainly not offended by "adopt-a-*" programs. My folks never made a secret of the fact that I was adopted. They just made sure I knew what that really meant. Adoption is about choice. It's about choosing to bring someone into your family, as much as choosing to become pregnant and have a baby. It's about having this person for whom you have no legal or familial responsibility, and deciding, volunteering, to take on those responsibilities. My parents are both hispanic Catholics, and they had both always dreamed about having six kids. After their fifth was born, Mom couldn't have any more kids for medical reasons. So they adopted me. Basically, the way they put it to me when I was very little was that I was a dream come true. Most of the other uses of the adopt that you cite above, "Adopt-a-Family," "adopt-a-stray," even "adopt-a-highway," are about taking something for which there is no responsibility forced on you, and freely accepting that responsibility, choosing to take responsibility that is not otherwise required of you. I happen to think that no matter how transient that responsibility, even if you are only taking responsibility to give a toy to someone you don't know to make their Christmas a little happier for example, what you are doing is admirable, not trivial. But I guess I can understand why the person you are talking about is worried about this undermining the confidence and security of his daughters. He's worried that they don't understand the difference between taking on a transient responsibility and taking permanent responsibility. The way my parents handled this problem was to explain to me the difference between decisions that can be changed and decisions that can't be changed. They told me that they chose me forever, not for just a while. Even if the other people in your community stop using "adopt-a-*" for various programs, these kinds of permanence issues are bound to come up for this man and his daughters. Some of those questions are inevitable with adoptions. Instead of looking at these programs as a trivialization, as a threat to the confidence and security of his daughters, perhaps he should look at the programs as another opportunity to reiterate and reinforce to his daughters how much he loves them and is committed to them long-term. It sounds like he really does love them, if he's concerned enough to worry about how these programs might affect them. If he just keeps expressing that love to them and reassuring them that his choice to make them part of his family was a permanent choice, I don't think he'll have to worry too much about how confident and secure his daughters will be. Feel free to send part or all of this email to him if you think it's appropriate, and feel free to give him this email address if he'd like to talk to an adoptee more about this. Reggie Bautista [EMAIL PROTECTED] _______________________________________________ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
