Here are the horoscopes for tomorrow, March 15th, brought to you by www.suckmythumber.co.uk:
Aries The sun rose slower than usual today, which was good news for your hangover but bad news for your finances. You’ll lose change in at least three seats today, as well as being overcharged by a taxi driver offended by your shirt. Today your lucky number was mauled by a tiger, which probably isn’t a good sign. Taurus Be careful not to finish the second drink you have today, there’ll be a screw in it. The moon is waxing which means it will not have to shave as often. This next week will see your love life controlled entirely by how quickly you can get your shoes off, so consider sandals. Gemini Today is a good day to learn a new sport, as long as that sport is ironing. Your love life, finances and health are all orbiting the ironing board perilously. The position of mercury means drinking beer is not recommended, as this may inhibit your ability to iron. Cancer Beware cantankerous midgets. The weather today will be lovely, but as your birthstone explodes at high temperatures it might be worth spending the day sorting those old receipts in the study. Your lucky colour is tweed and that ache in your back is probably nothing to worry about. Leo If you were going to find religion this week, we recommend you give it a miss as they’re all in a bad mood at the minute. Dionisus was seen in Stroud last night, so don’t run with scissors (unless you need to get them somewhere really fast). Avoid music with excessive bass, as this will aggravate your niggling headache. Virgo Titan got stuck in traffic on his orbit this morning, so you’ll probably go into that presentation this afternoon with pen on your face. Avoid staplers. Your astral animal for this week will be the badger, try not to look him straight in the eye. If you do, not only will your relationship fail but that item you ordered online will be stolen by the postman. Libra You can’t moonwalk. That’s fine. Today you will need all the normal walking skills you have as both your car and the bus will breakdown. There won’t be any taxies around, but don’t thumb for a lift as all the people that drive your commute are creepy. You shouldn’t worry about being late though, as your boss’s stars say he’ll be late because his wife will confront him about his mistress. Why not stop and get a coffee? Maybe you should finally pluck up the courage to talk to that pretty barista you always slow down to look at on the way home. Scorpio When did you last consider emigrating? Now might be a good time with Mercury helping HRMC confirm your little ‘tax write off’ from last year as nothing but a massive pile of fraud. Your love life will be better in none extradition countries, though you won’t like the food. Your lucky is colour is passport stamp. Sagittarius There no such thing as luck, especially on a day like today. All there is a special kind of drunken invincibility. You can’t just sit back anymore hoping something will just come along and magically stop your life being a cycle of failure and disappointment. Remember, fear is just natures way of saying take another shot. Embrace the feeling (and passers by) and you’ll be guaranteed an excellent day. Capricorn You’ll probably get kicked in the crotch today, so wear thick undies. Today is a good day for weeping because someone has kicked you in the crotch. Your lucky numbers is one, which is the amount of crotches you will be kicked in today. As mercury has taken up crack and saturn’s had another screen play rejected we can pretty much say for certain your love life today will be none existent, and the only action you’ll be getting is that kick in the crotch. Aquarius Today is a good day for lying about your age. You’ll meet the woman of your dreams on the bus, try wearing a pencil skirt to seem less threatening. Your lucky colour is manatee and your lucky number isn’t. If you want to hug a stranger, make sure they have a moustache. Pisces With age comes confusion, so today isn’t the day to put your keys down. With Venus gestating goats and Pluto coming to terms with his size issues now is definitely the time to dance. Your love life today will be mainly conducted with seductive glances, so be sure to wear mirrored sun glasses so you don’t catch anything. Have you ever considered buying land in a foreign country? Don’t, it won’t work out for you. Have a good day. www.suckymythumber.co.uk __________________________________________________ BritDisc mailing list [email protected] http://www.fysh.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/britdisc Staying informed - http://www.ukultimate.com/staying-informed
