Have a good weekend! > > > *WHAT I OWE MY MOTHER:* > > > > 1. *My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE*. > 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I > just finished cleaning.' > > 2. *My mother taught me RELIGION* . > 'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.' > > 3. *My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL* > 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next > week!' > > 4. *My mother taught me LOGIC* . > ' Because I said so, that's why.' > > 5.*My mother taught me MORE LOGIC* . > 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, > you're not going to the store with me.' > > 6. *My mother taught me FORESIGHT*. > 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.' > > 7. *My mother taught me IRONY*. > 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry > about.' > > 8. *My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS*. > 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.' > > 9. *My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM* . > 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your > neck!' > > 10. *My mother taught me about STAMINA* > 'You'll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.' > > 11. *My mother taught me about WEATHER* .. > 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.' > > 12. *My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY* > 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!' > > 13. *My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE* . > 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you > out.' > > 14. *My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION*. > 'Stop acting like your father!' > > 15. *My mother taught me about ENVY*. > 'There are millions of less fortunate children in > this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.' > > 16. *My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION*. > 'Just wait until we get home.' > > 17. *My mother taught me about RECEIVING* . > 'You are going to get it when you get home!' > > 18. *My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE*. > 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going > to get stuck that way.' > > 19. *My mother taught me ESP* . > 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?' > > 20. *My mother taught me HUMOUR* . > 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me..' > > 21. *My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN > ADULT* . > 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow > up.' > > 22. *My mother taught me GENETICS*. > 'You're just like your father.' > > 23. *My mother taught me about my ROOTS*. > 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a tent?' > > 24. *My mother taught me WISDOM*. > 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.' > > 25. And my favourite: > *My mother taught me about JUSTICE* > 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out > just like you.' > > > > >
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