Blank "I see you have twins that are 3. I honestly don't know how people have
more than 1 child. Perhaps if Katy hadn't been my first I would have bit the bullet
again. I'm 37 and I don't know if I can handle doing this all again. Part
of me wonders if Katy had a sibling she might be easier, but my psychologist said that
she could be worse!!"
Sam - In a way, I think more children makes it easier. Rachel is my strong-willed
child. I think if she were the only child, things would be worse. She'd really try
to control and manipulate the household. Her brother and sister have very different
temperaments, much easier going. But, they have needs too. They help me (and Rachel)
find other things to focus on, etc... While your psychologist might be right that a
sibling would be hard for Katy to handle, it might also help put some balance in your
home. The other thing that the siblings do for me is give me some confidence that
some personality traits, good and bad, are just innate, not due to parenting styles,
etc...
"She is smart as a whip"
My dh and I have always felt that Rachel is the smartest of our three. I've often
felt that it is part of her obstinance!
"I am sitting here writing this with tears in my eyes cause I hate to see Katy
go threw such torment and anguish, but at the same time I know its a response that we
need to change....I never imagined parenting was going to be so hard."
Aww, Sam. It always seems to be two steps forward, one step back. I'm sure Katy will
get there! I really do think you're lucky to be finding ways to help her (and you)
manage all of this when she's so young. It might just set her on a great path for the
rest of her life. I really think parenting is the hardest job in the world.
Especially when our children don't come with instruction manuals! I remember one Mom
saying that it doesn't get easier. When they are babies it is more physical - up in
the night, running after them, etc.. etc..., but as they grow up, it's the mental
challenge of keeping on top of things and helping them deal with school, social
issues, life choices, etc.. etc.... I think the mental stuff is so much more
demanding.
"Have you tried asking Katy what might help?"
That is a great idea!! Have you read How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen, and
How to Listen so Your Children Will Talk? The author talks about doing just that.
Brainstorming with your child. You start by saying, "I think we have a problem about
going to Lori's, let's try to figure out some solutions." You actually bring a
notepad and write down everything you discuss. She'll probably say, "don't go to
Lori's anymore." Write it down. Then keep prodding for more solutions together.
Once you have all the ideas written down, discuss each one. Be honest about what you
can do and cannot do, i.e. "I can't stop working, so you need to go to Lori's but
maybe you can tell me how to make that better for you." You might find she does have
some of her own ideas about things that will make her feel better about it. At the
very least, it shows her that her feelings are very important to you, that you're
taking her concerns seriously, that you want her to feel she might hav!
e some "power" to make it better, etc... So you really can't lose. If you're not
sure you want to trust this system to the big issue of day care, why not "practice" on
some minor issues and see how they go before you tempt it with day care.
"The psychologist apt was interesting!! In a nut shell she thinks that Katy
has a problem with emotions...My next step is the kinesiology. don't know much about
it, but it should help her with her anger."
I read that with great interest. I've always felt that my Rachel has some anger
issues! I have been working with her on that a bit, but she really knows how to push
my buttons and sometimes I find myself responding with anger - NOT the best role
model, yikes! Rather that getting angry, I'm really working hard at giving her lots
of loving, even when she's angry. What is the kinesiology? How is it supposed to
help? What does your psychologist specialize in? Does she have a specialty with
children because I think that might be important.
Keep plugging away! It will all come together for you.
Martha
Mom to Hayley (6) and Rachel and Sam (3)
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