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ROBERT X. CRINGELY                              http://www.infoworld.com
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Monday, September 20, 2004

ORACLE ON THE ATTACK, WACHOVIA OUT OF WHACK

By Robert X. Cringely(R)

Posted September 17, 2004 3:00 PM Pacific Time

I get trade show invitations like my dog, Apache, gets fleas, but this
one really stung: It was for the Honeymoon and Romantic Getaways Show.
Do you think they'd let me go stag? Meanwhile, I took the suggestion of
a reader and checked out eHarmony, but that 436-question personality
profile you must fill out lasted longer than most of my relationships. I
prefer to be a little more mysterious.

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Schlock and Awe: Now that the U.S. Department of Justice has cleared the
way for Oracle's hostile takeover bid, virtually nothing stands between
Ellison's Army and regime change in the PeopleSoft Republic. I
understand CEO Craig Conway is checking out spider hole accommodations
in San Jose, just in case.

Tipsy Canoe: Contrary to my report from a few weeks back, it seems Bill
Gates is a better tipster than he's given credit for. Waitrons at
stainedapron.com say Sir Bill is a 13-percenter (and a very weird dude).
Cringester Tom L. says he recently encountered his Billness in a bar in
upstate New York. The bartender asked him, "So, what do you do for a
living?" The miffed megabillionaire dropped a $20 bill on the bar for
one drink and stormed out. Hey, like the song says, nobody knows you
when you're down and out to conquer the world.

Don't Let Wachovia Walk Over Ya: Word on the street is that Wachovia's
Web site has been a little whacked since the bank merged ops with
Prudential. One Cringe tipster says it took three hours to check her
account -- and then only with the aid of customer service. Now she's
seriously considering stuffing her money in a mattress (I understand
that's where Gates and Ellison keep theirs -- mattresses the size of
Australia).

Positively Dork Street: I knew if I asked Cringe fans to submit geeky
Dylanesque song titles, they wouldn't disappoint. My personal favorites:
"I Ain't Gonna Work on Maggie's Server Farm No More" and "Rainy Day
Women Numbers SP1 and SP2." Strangely, nobody came up with that other
classic, "Tangled Up in Bluetooth."

Got hot tips or a favorite obscure trade show? Send 'em to
[EMAIL PROTECTED] and you may get bagged in return.

Send tips to [EMAIL PROTECTED]


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