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<~*~><~*~>< You are subscribed to Humor-Exprezz because of a request from you or someone impersonating your email address. If you would rather NOT be subscribed, you can send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the email address you subscribed with. "Are Hot Flashes, Sudden Mood Swings, Low Sex Drive and Other Frustrating Menopausal Symptoms Affecting You, Someone You Know or the Woman You Love?" http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=293&w=text �~*:._.:*~ �:._.:*~*:. .:�~*:._.:*~ �:._.:*~*:. .:�~*:._.:*~ �:._ "Because our readers are bored with the usual quotes" ALMOST PROPHETIC QUOTES http://www.wilsonsalmanac.com/almost.html These aren't boring, they will inspire you about yourself and about how the world can be a better place with your help. Send a blank email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] .:�~*:._.:*~ �:._.:*~*:. .:�~*:._.:*~ �:._.:*~*:. .:�~*:._.:*~ �:._ <~*~><~*~> In The News <~*~><~*~> A group of elderly Russian women reportedly went topless outside a power company in protest at rising electricity prices. Nineteen old biddies bared their bodes in the protest outside the headquarters of the PskovEnergo energy company in the western city of Pskov. The women carried banners saying, "Gentlemen, you are stripping us of our clothes with your prices." <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Why Pay for coffee? Enjoy our coffee on the house, including no-cost shipping. Find out how: http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=297&w=text <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Toons: Waiter <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/1016.jpg ">aol</a> I Think My Computer Is Fried http://mpharris.homeip.net/images/bad%20day%20at%20the%20office.jpg Jokeworm Pics <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/newcleanpics/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> http://www.humor-exprezz.com <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Did Ya Know Or Do Ya Care? Corn dogs are an excellent source of calories, fat, cholesterol and salt! <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> EzinePlace - Sidewalk Jokes Tiger has been out on the street.. well on the sidewalk anyway.. trying to find the best of the Clean Jokes around.. if you are interested.. and not scared.. then you too can subscribe to them.. by sending a blank e-mail to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Oh, Yeah.. did I mention that they are free too?? <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Links: Mirror, mirror on the wall...go to: <a href=" http://www.uglypeople.com "> aol</a> Jokeworm's Random Joke <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/jokesclean/ "> aol</a> Chicken Jokes <a href=" http://www.whydidthechickencrosstheroad.com/ "> aol</a> Motels For Train Watchers <a href=" http://home.att.net/~roadrailer/MotelsIntro.html "> aol</a> Jokeworm's Random Fact <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/facts/ "> aol</a> Jokeworm Trivia <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/trivia/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Recommended Security Updates A security issue has been identified that could allow an attacker to read files on your computer and steal your credit card numbers, passwords & identity. Read more.. http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=314&w=text Waldo hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown." "Well," the woman snapped back, "you don't look so great in blue, either!" <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Stumpy's Reasons to Buy a New Car Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopie cushion taped to your steering wheel. You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year old on a moped. As you drive by people keep yelling, "Get a horse." Your tires are so thin you can see the air inside them. Your emergency brake consists of putting your leg through a hole in the floorboard and dragging your foot on the pavement. Whenever you hit a pothole or speed bump the another car part falls off. The total on your last repair bill equaled the GDP of a Mexico. The 15-Minute Jiffy Lube takes 3 days. Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to take "The Club." When you gas up, the attendant asks "Can I re-duct-tape that windshield for you?" As you're leaving the parking lot after the County Fair demolition derby a salvage dealer offers you "50 bucks for the carcass." Two words: Ford Edsel A car exactly like yours is featured in a display in your local museum. Your 84 year old Mom drives a car that's sportier than yours. The upholstery on your rumble seat needs replacing and you're having trouble finding horse hair. While waiting at a stop light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom vroom" noises while sitting in the driveway on a cold morning. Police are constantly pulling you over on the Interstate to ask why you're not maintaining the minimum 45 mph speed. You keep losing dates on left turns. The novelty of that hand crank starter is wearing off. Traffic reporters are starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups. It hasn't been the same since "The" Henry Ford borrowed it. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> http://www.humor-exprezz.com <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Dr. Seuss's The Cat in the Hat is one of the top ten best selling hardcover children's books of all time. Now you can get everything from the book plus more free on CD-Rom. http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=331&w=text <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now." <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> It's A Bad One... This guy goes to a Halloween party with a girl on his back. "What on earth are you?" asks the host. "I'm a snail," says the guy. "But... you have a girl on your back," replies the host. "Yeah, he says, "that's Michelle!" <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Humor-Exprezz may contain links to sites on the Internet which are owned and operated by third parties. We are not responsible for the availability of, and/or the content located on or through, any such third-party sites. All Content � By their Creators. Subscribe address.. [EMAIL PROTECTED] Unsub address ... [EMAIL PROTECTED] (`'�.�(`'�.� �.�'�) �.�'�) ��HumorExprezz`� (�.�'�(�.�'� `'�.�)`' �.�) �.�� ( `�.� `�.� ) �.�)� (.�� `*. *. 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