Dude... maybe you should apologize for calling him an asshole. I think that is what set him off. That said, I like your poem and agree with the gist of what you are saying about other people, but having criticized him, I have to say, friend of mine that you are, we know dude, we know. We have heard about the mother. Some of us, believe it or not have not had a fun time either.
Maybe your ex really is pure evil and lazy. Personally I doubt that raising three kids on what she gets from you is her idea of a fun time either. Let me just say that after going through one of the *nastiest* breakups I have ever heard of, what made the difference for me and my ex is the fundamental willingness to ftry for a win-win solution. He couldn't deal with payments that were bigger than one week's paycheck. Because I went with the default scenario that the state of Maryland presented me with, he lost his driver's license and was risking jail when he went to work to get his child support paid. I wasn't getting the money he did pay. The solutions for us was to sit down and talk then tell the state of Maryland that we did not need their help, thank you. He pays his child support weekly instead of monthly and I know when I am going to get it. So simple when you talk. When you say look, we need to solve this because these kids god help us are growing up with this. Or maybe you really have tried this. If so I am sorry for the mess it is. But you can't blame people for commenting on it when you have told them about it at such great length. Now... who loves ya, babe? Are you doing any better than you were the other day? Dana >I was just going to leave this off-list, but I think some of this is >worthy of more than private conversation. Please don't confuse my name >calling (asshole, dumb ass) for malice... It's childish, I'll admit, >and I apologize for being childish. By way of explanation, though not >excuse, the attitude presented to me here is a major hot-button for >me, and I think anyone who has it really deserves a swift kick in the >teeth or nuts or whatever (metaphorically speaking). > >> OK, so you call me a dumb ass and an asshole - because >> I said in this situation, being in a Christian household >> was a benefit. I didn't ask you or anyone else to join, >> I simply stated a fact of my life. So, let's go ahead >> and make the assumption that I am indeed an asshole >> and a dumb ass, because of course, you don't know me. > >Your original comment was bad on two counts actually for being both >sexist and one of religious elitism, immediately placing all those who >are not part of your exclusive club below you. You then continue on to >presume that material prosperity is somehow an indication of >superiority if not divinde providence. So all in all you're doing a >smash-up job of proving that your beleifs are based on ignorant >conclusions. > >With regard to a thought-experiment relating to dom/sub relationships, >I'm not a fan of them either -- the people I've met who have them in >my opinion are a bunch of whiney babies who either want someone to >justify their throwing a fit when they don't get their way or who want >someone else to make all their decisions for them. I do however >respect the fact that they have no illusions about this having been >their choice and not some pre-ordained sexist bs. > >As to my being unusual, yes I am. I tend not to conform - it's not a >matter of course, I don't seek out unconformity, I simply find myself >frequently outside of common attitudes on a given subject. It might >seem strange without knowing the shit I've been through in my >formative years. When I was 2-3 years old my mother got up in the >middle of the night to tend to me while she was sick with a high >fever. When she put me back down in the crib and turned around my >father punched her in the face and broke her nose. When she woke up, >she picked herself up off the floor, packed a bag and left to stay >with her folks, but didn't bring me or my sister with her. My father >left the next morning. Three days later my grandmother got a concerned >phone call from a neighbor who hadn't seen either of them in 3 days. > >That was the family I grew up in. I didn't choose that life. My mother >has been a devout Christian as far back as I can remember and done >every single thing a devout Christian is supposed to do. She prays >morning noon and night, plus several more times throughout the day for >good measure. She reads the bible constantly. It hasn't helped her one >bit, nor has it made her any more prosperous or sane. My mother in law >is much the same way, and is also just as troubled. As a matter of >fact, in my personal life, the people I've known who've had some of >the largest problems seem to have been those who are/were devout >Christians. I don't believe Christianity is the problem. I'm not >convinced there's a causal relationship at all. If any causal >relationship exists at all, they have gravitated toward religion as a >result of their problems, and in our culture Christianity is more >readily available to be the recipient of their interest. > >So it's impossible for me to accept things on blind faith, because I >have too much evidence to refute it. > >Sexism and racism are no different from one another. A person doesn't >choose the gender they're born to, whether it's male or female or >intersexed any more than they choose their race. A person chooses how >to apply the choices they're given. One person's choice to be >submissive or not has no basis on anothers, nor does the outcome of >that decision, nor does "divine providence". Just as one person's >choice to either blandly accept or violently oppose racism, nor the >outcome of that decision, nor "divince providence". White supremacists >however have also traditionally used "god" as an excuse for their >behavior, so it puts faith-based sexism in appropriate company. > >So how exactly is it that I don't have "balls"? I had enough to stand >up to your sexist tripe. I've had enough to speak my mind for a long >time now in spite of social pressures to conform. > >My life. I accept responsibility for a great many of the things that >have been uncomfortable in my life. Some of them I choose to handle >differently now. Others I stand on principal. I chose to marry a woman >who abused me. That was my decision. I did not choose to be born into >a family who abused and neglected me. I chose to get away from my >abusive family early by getting a GED. I was old enough to recognize >that I needed to take responsibility for my life but didn't have the >foresight or the experience to see where that journey would lead me >next. In the process of getting out of the one bad situation with my >family I created another bad situation, which eliminated any >possibility of my getting a degree. I accept that my decisions caused >that. I don't accept that "come on man! You can do it! You can change >the world if you want to! You can have that degree! All it takes is >DESIRE!". Desire is not a magic pill that makes life conform to your >will. Getting a degree requires money that I don't have. So I accept >that I made the decisions that closed that opportunity for me and >instead focus on things I can change. To that end I've worked my ass >off for the past 8 years toward making a better life for myself and >it's just now starting to come to fruition. Most of that 8 years has >been spent dealing with the ex and her bs. And no, I don't have any >control over that either. Ask her to help? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? >You must have no fucking clue. Yes, I asked. I asked, I demanded, I >suggested. None of them worked, so I stopped trying because I'm not >insane and I don't waste time on projects that don't yield any form of >change. The state determines how much money she gets. What little >control I may or may not have over it depends on my ability to raise >more money which I already don't have, and of course if I'm earning >more, then the odds of my convincing the state to reduce the amount >become laughable. As to my giving in to my basest desires, you >obviously have no fucking clue -- the whole point of all the shit I've >gone through and the reason I've worked so hard is for my children -- >given the description of your life, I would imagine easily at least >twice as hard as you've ever worked. So don't fucking tell me I just >do whatever I fucking feel like. I am extremely dedicated both to my >family and to my values. > >When I'm unhappy my first course of action is to seek a solution to >the issue about which I am unhappy. My second course of action is to >attempt to relieve stress by bitching to someone(s) about it. My third >course of action is to accept it and move on to something I can >change, until I find myself stressed out about it again and then I >start the process over in the hopes that changing circumstances will >have provided me another opportunity to effect change in the >intervening time. > >I'll end something a bit less caustic. >One of my favorite pieces of poetry: > >The Holy Indigents >by R. E. Sebenthal > >Since most of us do what we do >because we haven't the nerve not to, >let's grant it took guts of a sort >to stomach the sour handout, >the flophouse lice, the bailiff's knock, >the cabbage soup, the gutter butt, >the charity ward, the plain pine box. > >Let's grant that the queasier >find making money easier >than cultivating fortitude. >But listening to a flute >hunt hope, when there is none, >be glad they thought of something besides >their own sweet hides, >and never confused >living with making one. > >Villon stealing ducks and sleeping on tavern benches, >Heaven's own hounded one washing up at public fountains, >Mozart and Blake in pauper trenches, >Socrates cadging meals, Tu Fu eating pine cones, >Thoreau cutting it lean on pencils and beans, >Vincent tossing the loan >for paint instead of bread, >even the Buddha relying >on a begging bowl, >and Jesus advising >food for the soul; > >the whole tribe >of dedicated cranks >and impecunious disgraces >who having something more >than their time to give, gave it; > >and swallowed the contempt >of those who had nothing better >to do with their days >than sell them for washing machines, >expensive wives and credit ratings. > > > >s. isaac dealey 434.293.6201 >new epoch : isn't it time for a change? > >add features without fixtures with >the onTap open source framework > >http://www.fusiontap.com >http://coldfusion.sys-con.com/author/4806Dealey.htm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Message: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:203076 Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/threads.cfm/5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=s:5 Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5 Donations & Support: http://www.houseoffusion.com/tiny.cfm/54
