Zune: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
By Seth Jayson (TMF Bent)
September 15, 2006
So it's finally out. Zune: the worst-kept non-secret in the entire tech world.
Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT) has been working on an iPod competitor? Nooo!
How would any of us have known, what with the months of
official/nonofficial leaks, images, developer blogs, and other stuff,
like this funky site that promised to zip me email to keep me informed
of Zune news, but was silent Thursday. Even as a valued early-adopter
insider, I had to get my news from the cheesy press release.
Yes, Microsoft is so pathetic, it can't even manage to spam me about
its next big thing. And if that gives you a giggle, then you have not
yet begun to laugh.
I know I promised the good, the bad, and the ugly, but I'm going to
mix up the order here, because I just have to get a few things off my
chest.
Ugly
I think this thing is just plain ugly, folks. That tiny little wheel
coming off the large screen: It looks unbalanced. And the finish, at
least in the large images available for download from Microsoft, looks
decidedly low-rent. And look at those colors. There are only three,
and none of them is really a color. Black and white ... bland, but OK.
But brown? Brown? Insert your own scatologically-themed "truth in
advertising" joke here. My Macophile colleagues have already begun.
Coming mere hours after Apple (Nasdaq: AAPL) spiced up its entire iPod
line, the Zune looks as appealing as day-old dog chow, or Windows 95.
Bad
Surely you can do better than 30 gigs of storage, Mr. Softy. Why have
we seen no option for a 60-gigger? I'll pass on judging the controls
because I haven't gotten my hands on one of these yet.
But can we talk about the wireless? The idea is that Zune users can
beam songs to each other and they'll run a limited number of times,
for a limited time. Thereafter, if you want to buy it, you can flag it
for purchase when you synch the device with your PC.
Anyone remember Bill Cosby's "Playground" monologue? It's a classic
and hilarious tale about how parents ruined a perfectly good abandoned
lot by installing all sorts of stuff kids didn't want or need, like
monkey bars.
That's what I think we've got here: a feature no one asked for, and
something of doubtful need. (Ever hear of passing the headphones?)
Honestly, what Microsoft egghead thinks kids want to beam
self-destructing songs to each other's media players? And even if they
wanted to trade tunes, the wireless range had better be 100 miles. If
this thing sells as slowly as I fear it will, that may be as close as
the nearest Zune to share with.
The more I think about it, the more this wireless music-sharing scheme
sounds completely backwards, like a digital rights management (DRM)
and revenue-generation model dreamed up by the bean counters. ("Hmm.
How can we get them to initiate a purchase action right when they're
most susceptible, when they're listening to the player? Eureka!") It
simply won't work without a critical mass of players in consumer
hands. And until that happens -- I don't believe it ever will --
you've got people carrying around a worthless transmitter unless those
wireless capabilities are put to better use.
Good
There are a few marks we can put in the plus column. This player looks
like it will support far more media file types than any of Apple's
offerings, which refuse to play Windows media audio or video files.
Steve Jobs has never really played well with others, and that's the
reason that people like me, with large libraries of non-iPod-able
files, have been waiting for something else. And there are people out
there who prefer the subscription-music model. For them, this may be
the best alternative so far.
At least it builds on a decent predecessor. The Zune is a variation on
Toshiba's well-received Gigabeat players, which can handle video,
still photos, and music. Like those, it will operate on a mobile
version of Windows Media Player that has been pretty well regarded in
the geek press, even if the devices running it have failed to get any
traction. On those lines, the Gigabeat's problem has always been a
lack of visibility and marginal integration with the PC front end. By
taking control of both pieces of the puzzle, Microsoft has an
opportunity to push a non-iPod about as far as a non-iPod can be
pushed. If Redmond gets it right, there won't be any need for klutzy
add-on programs and endless and annoying format-translation utilities.
Down the road
But getting back to pushing the boundaries, there are also claims out
there that Zune may someday include a VoIP phone function, putting
Microsoft directly into a market dominated by Nokia (NYSE: NOK),
Motorola (NYSE: MOT), Research In Motion (Nasdaq: RIMM), and Palm
(NYSE: PALM) -- at least so long as you keep the thing within spitting
distance of a Wi-Fi router.
Personally, I think wireless capability could be put to better use as
a tool for head-to-head portable gaming. In fact, the original
scuttlebutt on the Zune cast it as the Xbox mobile. What we see now
seems to confirm that story. The Zune logo is pretty much a wire-frame
box with an X on it. An X box, in other words.
If games are in Zune's future, there are no further hints for now. And
the device's design -- screen on one side and a single, limited
control patch on the other -- indicates to me that you won't be
playing anything more complex than Tetris on this baby.
Apple is safe
The fact is, this meager offering here is not an iPod killer. Nothing
Redmond can produce in this product line will make much of a dent in
Apple's lead. This shareholder only hopes Microsoft can avoid
embarrassing itself too much. Zune seems to have done that, but I
can't help but feel Microsoft's time and money would be better spent
getting Xbox 360 into more living rooms, and getting Windows Vista out
the door on time.
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