Damn, I was hoping this was one of those email forward jokes. Oh well.
On 10/17/07, Erika L. Walker <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Overheard something on 60 minutes the other day, and found this when looking > up a few things. I thought it was very good, and I try to practice most of > it. Not the easiest of tasks, but the most rewarding of outcomes if tried. > Life > is short. Be happy. Give it a read, you might find something that pertains > to you ... > ======================================================= > > 7 Ways to Improve Your Relationship *By Dr. Margaret Paul* > > Good relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my clients state > that, "If I have to work at it, then it's not the right relationship." This > is not a true statement, any more than it's true that you don't have to work > at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction. > > I've discovered, in the 35 years that I've been counseling couples, 7 > choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can > turn a failing relationship into a successful one. > > *Take Responsibility for Yourself* > > This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. > This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings > and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you > feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your > own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with > kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. > Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how > wonderfully your partner is treating you. > > For example, instead of getting angry at your partner for your feelings of > abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and not listening to you, > not turned on sexually, and so on, you would explore your own feelings of > abandonment and discover how you might be abandoning yourself. > > When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you > stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one's partner for > one's own unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems, > learning how to take loving care of yourself is vital to a good > relationship. > > *Kindness, Compassion, Acceptance* > > Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the essence of a truly > spiritual life. We all yearn to be treated lovingly - with kindness, > compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We need to treat ourselves this > way, and we need to treat our partner and others this way. Relationships > flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are no > guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. > If your partner is consistently angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then > you need to focus on what would be loving to yourself rather than reverting > to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. Kindness > to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking > responsibility for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important > thing you can do. If you are consistently kind to yourself and your partner, > and your partner is consistently angry, blaming, withdrawn and unavailable, > then you either have to accept a distant relationship, or you need to leave > the relationship. You cannot make your partner change - you can only change > yourself. > > *Learning Instead of Controlling* > > When conflict occurs, you always have two choices regarding how to handle > the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and > discover the deeper issues of the conflict, or you can try to win, or at > least not lose, through some form of controlling behavior. We've all > learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to control others into > behaving the way we want: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, > caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, > lying, denying, and so on. All the ways we try to control create even more > conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a vital part of > improving your relationship. > > For example, most people have two major fears that become activated in > relationships: the fear of abandonment - of losing the other - and the fear > of engulfment - of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most > people immediately protect themselves against these fears with their > controlling behavior. But if you chose to learn about your fears instead of > attempt to control your partner, your fear would eventually heal. This is > how we grow emotionally and spiritually - by learning instead of > controlling. > > *Create Date Times* > > When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Then, > especially after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to > thrive. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together - > to talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time > together. > > *Gratitude Instead of Complaints* > > Positive energy flows between two people when there is an "attitude of > gratitude." Constant complaints creates a heavy, negative energy, which is > not fun to be around. Practice being grateful for what you have rather than > focusing on what you don't have. Complaints create stress, while gratitude > creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and > relationship health, but physical health as well. > > *Fun and Play* > > We all know that "work without play makes Jack a dull boy." Work without > play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when > people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of everyday > life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of > life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when > everything is heavy. > > *Service* > > A wonderful way of creating intimacy is to do service projects together. > Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep satisfaction in the soul. > Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own problems and supports a > broader, more spiritual view of life. > > If you and your partner agree to these 7 choices, you will be amazed at the > improvement in your relationship! > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Download the latest ColdFusion 8 utilities including Report Builder, plug-ins for Eclipse and Dreamweaver updates. http;//www.adobe.com/cfusion/entitlement/index.cfm?e=labs%5adobecf8%5Fbeta Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/CF-Community/message.cfm/messageid:244548 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/CF-Community/subscribe.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=11502.10531.5
