How much? I've been looking for one for awhile. On Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 5:36 AM, Scott Stewart <saste...@email.unc.edu> wrote: > My wife's dad sent her this........ > > *Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife* > > A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary > submitted this: > > Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked > my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for > a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a > 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were > supposed to be short-lived, with no long-term adverse effect on your > assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... > > WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. > > I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. > Nothing! > > I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND > pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue > arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! > Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on > the face of her microwave. > > Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it > couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? > > There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting > little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I > really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. > > I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) > and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going > to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did > want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? > > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading > glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one > hand, and the taser in the another. > > The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient > your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms > and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would > purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of > water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the > batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring > about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really > and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries thinking to myself, > 'no possible way!' > > What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. > I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one > side as if to say, 'Don't do it, Dipshit' - reasoning that a one-second > burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I > decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I > touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . > > WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL??!! > > I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me > up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and > over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal > position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, > testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in > the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. > > The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to > a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to > avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. > > Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one > note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you > zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged > from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second > burst would be considered conservative. > > IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! > > A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at > that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and > surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of > the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from > where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were > still twitching. > > My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip > weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit on > myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was > gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from > my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant > reward for their safe return!! > > P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it. > > "If you think education is difficult, try being stupid." > >
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