Great list Scott...I might have to pass this on to some people I know. On Mar 13, 2009, at 11:12 PM, Scott Stroz wrote:
> > Came across these recently. Funny thing is, I think both lists are > funny > because they are true. > > 25 Ways to be a Good Conservative > > 1. You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong, because its a > communist country. But trading with China and Vietnam is justifiable. > > 2. You have to believe that the public has a right to know about > Clinton and > Monica, but Bush needed to censor those 28 pages from the > Congressional 9/11 > report because there are just some things Americans dont need to > know. > > 3. You believe that government should restrict itself to just the > powers > named in the Constitution which includes banning gay marriages and > censoring the internet > > 4. You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed > him, a > bad guy when Bushs daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney > was doing > business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a we-cant-find- > Bin Laden > diversion > > 5. You have to believe that waging war with no exist strategy was > wrong in > Vietnam, but right in Iraq > > 6. You believe that tobaccos link to cancer and global warming are > junk > science, but Creationism should be taught in schools > > > 7. You have to believe that universal health care is wrong, and that > HMOs > and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart > > 8. You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to > alienate > our allies and then demand their cooperation and money > > 9. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, > because we > all know if teenagers dont have condoms they wont have sex > > 10. You have to believe that the best way to encourage military > morale is to > praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits > > 11. You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you > and Jesus > shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and liberals > > 12. You have to be against a womans right to choose, but support > the murder > of millions by air strike > > 13. Standing Tall for America means firing your workers and moving > their > jobs to India so you can get products from WalMart > > 14. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you dont > pray to > Allah or Buddha > > 15. You have to believe that government should stay out of peoples > lives, > but needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the same > gender > > 16. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve > success all > on their own > > 17. You have to believe the ACLU is bad, because it supports the > Constitution, but you support the NRA wholeheartedly > > 18. You have to believe that we actually went to war in Iraq to find > WMDs > because they were a clear and present threat to the United States > > 19. You have to believe Bill Clinton getting a blowjob in the Oval > Office is > appalling, but Newt Gingrich serving his wife with divorce papers on > her > deathbed is A-OK. > > 20. You have to believe that Fox News is fair and balanced > > 21. Youre not ashamed to tell everyone you believe in God, but > feeding the > hungry, clothing the naked, and doing unto others as we would have > others do > unto us sounds like socialism > > 22. You have to believe that Clinton inhaling once is the sign of > moral > defect, while Bushs drinking and driving was excusable because he > was young > > 23. You have to believe that spending money on the war in Iraq is more > important then fighting the drug dealers and gang members whom are > harming > Americans > > 24. You have to believe that it is much more important to know about > all the > dirt in a candidates past, then it is to listen to his beliefs and > political > ideas unless of course he is a Republican > > 25. You have to believe that this message was authored by a left- > wing pinko > socialist bleeding heart liberal. > > 27 WAYS TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL > > > 1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on > demand. > > 2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and > governments > create prosperity. > > 3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding > citizens are > more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands > of Iran > or Chinese and North Korean communists. > > 4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding. > > 5. You have to believe that 12 million people illegally entering our > country > unchecked is somehow a good thing. > > 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being > homosexual is natural. > > 7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of > federal > funding. > > 8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th- > graders how > to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex > > 9. You have to believe that torture is never an option because > terrorists > will give us information if we say please. > > 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than > actually > doing something to earn it. > > 11. You have to believe that welfare doesnt breed laziness and > entitlement, > but helps people get back on their feet. > > 12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain > parts of > the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain > parts > of the Constitution. > > 13. You have to believe that "personal responsibility" is a facist > creation, > while scapegoating will point out and somehow solve all societal > problems. > > 14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger, Gloria Steinem, and > Jimmy > Carter are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, > Benjamin Franklin, and Abraham Lincoln. > > 15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial > quotas and set-asides are not. > > 16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked > anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in > charge. > > 17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag > queens and > transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger > scenes at > Christmas should be illegal. > > 18. You have to believe that Al Gore invented the internet and > discovered > global warming. > > 19. You have to believe the answer to ANY crime, infraction, or > injustice is > counseling. > > 20. You have to believe that cops are pigs and criminals are > products of > their environment. > > 21. You have to believe the government is responsible for solving your > personal problems. > > 22. You have to believe Rush Limbaughs listeners are mindless > dittoheads, > but you have never doubted anything that you heard from Michael Moore. > > 23. You have to believe there is nothing wierd about Hollywood movie > stars > flying around in private jets to give speeches on the evils of SUVs. > > 24. You have to believe that if someone is getting richer; someone > somewhere > must be getting poorer. > > 25. You have to believe that protestors outside nuclear power plants > are > dedicated activists, but protestors outside abortion clinics are > dangerous > and interfering with a legal activity. > > 26. You have to believe that freedom of speech applies to vulgarity > and > gratutious sex in music and TV marketed towards children, but doesnt > apply > to conservative talk radio. > > 27. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right- > wing > conspiracy. > > > > -- > Scott Stroz > --------------- > The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who > are > willing to work and give to those who would not. - Thomas Jefferson > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Adobe® ColdFusion® 8 software 8 is the most important and dramatic release to date Get the Free Trial http://ad.doubleclick.net/clk;207172674;29440083;f Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/message.cfm/messageid:291780 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/subscribe.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=11502.10531.5
