Ghey On Tue, Apr 3, 2012 at 5:20 PM, Eric Roberts < ow...@threeravensconsulting.com> wrote:
> > > > > > From: borowitzreport.com [mailto:andy= > borowitzreport....@email.borowitzreport.com] On Behalf Of > borowitzreport.com > Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2012 3:55 PM > To: w...@witchnet.org > Subject: Shocking Supreme Court Decision > > > > > > Having trouble reading this email? < > http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=d383ad2962&e=b8834eebdf> > Click here to view online. > > > > < > http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=b21bd2908e&e=b8834eebdf> > An Unexpected Twist: A true story by Andy Borowitz, The #1 Bestseller, > Available on Amazon.com > > > > < > http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=6bff3a07ec&e=b8834eebdf> > Borowitz Report > > > > > > > > > April 3, 2012 > > > In Controversial Decision, Supreme Court Replaces Annual Physicals with > Strip Searches > > > Major Expansion of Police Officers Role > > > <http://www.borowitzreport.com/wp-content/uploads/supremecourt.jpg> > > WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report < > http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=eddd77a1a2&e=b8834eebdf> > ) In a stunning decision on the future of healthcare in America, the > Supreme Court decided today that annual physicals were unconstitutional and > should be replaced by random strip searches conducted by the nations > police. > > The decision, which appeared to expand the role of the police to include > such duties as performing breast and prostate exams, took many in both the > healthcare and law enforcement communities by surprise. > > Writing for the majority, Justice Antonin Scalia wrote, While the > Constitution makes no provisions for healthcare, it explicitly defends the > peoples right to form militias; clearly, the Founders believed that if > anyone should be looking up our asses it shouldnt be a doctor, but someone > with a gun. > > By replacing annual checkups with random strip searches, the Court raised > worries in the healthcare community that patients would not get the care > they need, but those concerns were brushed aside by Justice Samuel Alito. > > Ultimately, the responsibility to secure adequate medical attention falls > to the citizen, he said. When a policeman is searching his body > cavities, for example, its up to the citizen to say, Theres a mole Id > like you to look at. > > Justice Clarence Thomas wrote that he was personally ready for a random > strip search/exam at any moment, adding, Ive got nothing on under this > robe. Get a free subscription to the Borowitz Report here < > http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=bedb4b8a7f&e=b8834eebdf> > . > > > > < > http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=644e88710d&e=b8834eebdf> > TIME Ranks Borowitz Report #1 in its Best of Twitter > > > < > http://borowitzreport.us1.list-manage1.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=81329ed63a&e=b8834eebdf> > Be Andy's friend on Facebook > > > > > > Andy's Upcoming Events < > http://www.borowitzreport.com/wp-content/themes/borowitz/images/events.jpg > > > > > > > > Upcoming Events > > > April 17, 2012 at 06:00 PM > > > New York Free Show! > > > Join Andy and his special guests, New York Times bestselling author Sloane > Crosley and Thurber Award-winning humorist David Rakoff for an evening of > comedy. (Note: this event is free. 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