--
Bill Wheatley
Senior Database Developer
eDiets.com, Inc.
(OTCBB: EDET)
3801 W. Hillsboro Blvd.
Deerfield Beach, FL 33442
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-----Original Message-----
From: cantrl. a [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Wednesday, October 22, 2003 6:21 PM
To: CF-Community
Subject: Re:SUV's
Here's 10 tips off the top of my head to help you enjoy the full TSV
driving experience:
1. Take a really cold bath before you get in the TSV. Everyone knows TSV
drivers have really small penises and it just wouldn't be the same if
you were to get behind the wheel with that big nutsack you like to
flaunt all over the internet.
2. Buy a plastic american flag or even a big american flag sticker, and
then mount that sucker somewhere on the back of the TSV. DO NOT buy one
that was made in america (if you could even find one) - it will most
likely say 'Made in China' somewhere on the flag - that's important.
Nothing shows you love your country more than the excessive burning of
imported, blood tainted oil and then tagging a plastic american flag on
the back that was made by sweat shop workers in China. Yeah yeah, so it
goes against the rules of how to maintain a flag, but remember, you're a
TSV driver tonight, it's all about you. To get in the right frame of
mind you have to keep repeating the phrases "whatever" and "not my
problem". You'll be up to speed in no time. You might also want to look
for a Jesus fish for garnishment - Jesus would be proud that you drive a
TSV, and you should show it!
3. Rev the engine at all intersections. You have the gas, might as well
keep the motor warm.
4. Double park. Try to find two open parking spaces wherever you go and
park right between them. It will make sure nobody scratches your paint
(this isn't some kind of sporting vehicle), and let's face it - you got
the TSV, screw everyone else (remember "not my problem", there, you'll
get it.). If they want two spaces, they can go buy their own TSV - you
worked hard for it, and you deserve the two spaces.
5. Act really arrogant. If anyone gives you any crap for double parking,
just scoff and say something snide like "hey, it's not my fault you
can't afford a TSV like this" or "get a job stupid hippie".
6. Find a really bitchy woman to sit shotgun. Everyone knows TSV drivers
buy TSV's to compensate for their really bitchy wife/boring husband. She
should look something like Katherine Harris or maybe you should give her
a golf visor or something. Really bad makeup and a bitchy attitude.
7. Grab some extra garbage to throw out the window while you're driving.
Maybe stop at Starbucks and throw that out the window. Other TSV drivers
will complement you, and maybe beep their horn "huh huh - yeah, that was
cool how you threw that empty plastic water bottle at that POS toyota -
huh huh." You're already showing you have no regard for the environment,
might as well litter a little bit to show off that "whatever" attitude,
and to show how tough and careless you are.
8. Act really tough. You're in a TSV, maybe push somebody when you get
to the school, or if that's too direct, just trip them as they walk by
and then say "whatever - not my problem", and then laugh as they walk
away. It's the TSV spirit to act this way!
9. Brag to your old teachers about how much money you make, even if you
have to lie. That's what a TSV is all about - going into debt to give
the impression of wealth. "Yeah, with the business, the sidework, and
the tax break - I'm pulling in some pretty good cake - did you happen to
see my TSV out in the parking lot - yeah, it has a V8".
10. WATCH OUT FOR DIRT!!!!!! Remember - this is a TSV, not some kind of
sporting/work vehicle. You don't want to get it dirty or possibly
scratch your paint. It wouldn't be a TSV if it was all scratched and
dirty - you'd look like one of those dirt balls who do manual labor for
a living, and you don't want to be grouped in with those low lifes.
They're the ones who probably take their TSV's into the dirty dirt and
get all dirty - ewwwwwwwww.
Hope that helps man!
>hey guys, this Friday I will be chaperoning my sister's high school
>field trip. I'll be driving some of the class to a park in a rental
>SUV. I've never driven an SUV before, and was wondering how it
>handles. I don't want to flip it over or anything!
>
>
>I'm just there for the free food and boy crazy adolescent chicks.
>bahahaha.
>
>man, what's gonna suck is that I'm probably gonna have to chit chat
>with the teachers, since I'm the other adult. And i'm not a chit
>chatty person! What's worse, some of them are my former teachers.
>dont know if they will like how I turned out haha.
_____
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